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Monica Cheru-Mpambawashe : Lifestyle Editor

Gender equality has become a permanent topical debate. Women activists complain about the treatment of women as sexual toys in society as reflected in the media. The Zimbabwean contingent can breathe a bit easier as a group of men have taken bold steps to balance the equation. An increasing number of men are setting themselves up as purveyors of pleasure to women who can afford it. A glance at our sister paper’s B-Metro Passion and Compassion column reveals several personal ads from men mostly from Bulawayo and Harare openly looking for sugar mummies. Although this is by no means a completely new phenomenon, it does look like there are more young men making a vocation of being toyboys, gigolos, lounge lizards or Ben 10s.

Just as sugar daddies coerce younger women into physical relationships because of their financial power, older women nicknamed cougars also call the

It would appear that more young men are making a vocation of selling pleasure to women who can afford it — graphic courtesy of TheQuint.com

shots in transactions with younger men.

This writer spoke to some of the advertisers in B-Metro to find out what the game is.

“Hupenyu hwakaoma. Wotoita zviripo izvozvo. (Life is tough. You play the cards you have been dealt),” Alex tells me. It has not been easy to get him to agree to talk to me once he realises I am not a client, but a reporter. Eventually he agrees to tell me his story on condition that I protect his identity. He has very good reasons for not wanting to become a gigolo superstar; his clientele includes some women in sensitive positions who would not come near him once they knew that he has started associating with the Press.

“Some of these women are big names in their own rights and some of them are married to big men. So they would become afraid that they might end up in the paper and on WhatsApp. Discretion is very important if you are to keep the really good catches,” Alex confided.

The 33 year old says he is not formally employed although he does a bit of this and that to make some money. He says he used to make a living from reselling imported clothes on an informal basis. An older woman client propositioned him and as his business was failing he accepted her offer once he realised that he could make some easy money.

What brings women to his door? Who answers his ads in the paper?

“All sorts of women needing comfort. Some are married. The marriage bed will no longer be exciting. Maybe the husband has got his own lover on the side. Other women are now exposed to porn movies and want to experiment but cannot say that to their husbands so they look for young lovers who are prepared to be adventurous,” said Alex.

Alex said he is up for anything that the client wants and has one or two tricks of his own which keep satisfied clients coming back for more.

Another advertiser who we shall call Tim said that he is in a steady relationship with a woman who is five years younger than him and he hopes to get married soon. He said he is doing the sugar mummy beat for a short while because his business is not performing well. He says as soon as he is economically stable he will stop.

“What you want out of the relationship is money and other things that money can buy. In return the woman wants love, affection and physical satisfaction. But then some can become too demanding, wanting to know where you are all the time, wanting to own you because she is spending money on you.”

Tim said he had a bad experience when one such woman caused a scene when she bumped into him with his previous girlfriend at a shopping centre. “The cougar really embarrassed me, calling me an ungrateful idiot for carrying another woman in her car. She went berserk and tried to attack my girlfriend but I held her back. She then demanded her car keys back right then. I gave them back to her and told myself that I would avoid the neurotic type in future.”

All the young men that this writer spoke to said that they do not charge any fixed amount for their services but it is generally understood that the sugar mummy must contribute towards his grooming, accommodation, transport and pocket money. She must also be willing to introduce him to her network and fund his business ideas. A stingy woman is soon dumped.

Real affection can develop between the cougar and her toy boy. John says although he still advertises for more lovers, he is in a steady relationship with a well-known woman in Harare.

“Sometimes it is not all about sex. It is about friendship, about having someone she can talk to. If she decided to leave her husband and wanted us to get married I would jump at the chance. I think age is nothing but a number. She gets me and I get her. The only reason I see other women is because she is committed to her marriage and not me,” he said.

Another Ben 10 advertiser said that this is between consenting adults so he does not see what the media or public interest is.

“If you want a newsworthy story then go after the cougars who are openly dating school boys. That is child abuse, not what happens between two grown ups who are in agreement.”

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