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Laina Makuzha LOVE by DESIGN

Week in week out, I note with concern the vile exchanges on social media by some feuding couples or exes, and am compelled to research more on better ways that couples or individuals can employ to find healing even in the midst of deep pain.

For sure, in the intricate dance of love and partnership, conflict is a regular punctuation.

But one aspect I’ve found to be key in building successful relationships in spite of conflict, is forgiveness.

This week I was inspired to explore the meaning and importance of forgiveness in relationships and share some practical tips on how couples can cultivate this powerful quality to enhance their bond and conquer challenges together.

This often misunderstood —  sometimes even shunned-practice, which I’ve often touched on in passing, in previous editions, plays a crucial role in creating resilient and thriving relationships. The ability to forgive, both oneself and one’s partner, is a cornerstone of a healthy and successful marriage and just any relationship in general.

Meaning and importance

Forgiveness is not about condoning harmful behaviour or forgetting past transgressions.

Rather, it is a conscious and deliberate choice to let go of resentment, anger, and the desire for revenge. In a marriage, forgiveness allows partners to acknowledge their imperfect humanity and extend grace to one another.

It opens the door to healing, reconciliation, and growth, paving the way for a stronger and more enduring bond. Experts around the world emphasise the transformative power of forgiveness in relationships.

It is through forgiveness that wounds heal, trust is rebuilt, and love deepens.

It also opens our hearts to love again in the event of singleness. Some may have often heard experts teach on how forgiveness is not only good for the individual receiving it, but beneficial to the one who forgives.

It sets one free.

Consider trying it today, if you are struggling with pain, possibly carried over from 2023 or even for years – all it does is steal your joy, and block some of your blessings.

Letting go of unforgiveness is like an offloading of the hurt and it will open new possibilities for your relationships, in my view.

Think about it.  Renowned relationship experts Dr. Tendai and Dr. Chipo Mbavari emphasise that forgiveness is essential for couples to move forward and build a harmonious partnership. They recommend communication, empathy, and a willingness to let go of past grievances as key ingredients for cultivating forgiveness in marriage.

A leading expert in marital therapy internationally, Dr. John Gottman, also highlights the role of forgiveness in restoring emotional connection and intimacy between partners.

He stresses the importance of embracing vulnerability and practising empathy to foster a culture of forgiveness in a relationship.

Biblical perspectives on forgiveness

The Bible offers profound wisdom on forgiveness, teaching us to forgive as we have been forgiven by a loving and merciful God.

Ephesians 4:32 urges us to “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you.”

Similarly, Colossians 3:13 encourages us to “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone.

Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

“It turns out, unforgiveness also prevents us from being forgiven by God. See Mark 11v 25-26. That alone for me is a quick wake up call to a life of obedience to God- which improves even our relationship with God. A portion of the prayer taught to disciples by Jesus Christ asks this: “…and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us…”, showing the importance of forgiving others as we ourselves also need forgiveness.

Seeking help for forgiveness

However, forgiveness is a challenging journey that may require support and guidance.

Some might even say it is ‘easier said than done’. If overwhelmed, seeking professional help, such as couples counselling or therapy, can provide a safe space for individuals to explore their emotions, heal past wounds, and learn healthy communication skills.

There are reputable counselling centres and therapists who specialise in relationship issues and offer guidance on forgiveness and reconciliation. All said and done, forgiveness is a personal choice that requires humility, empathy, and a commitment to healing.

By embracing forgiveness in relationships, couples can emerge stronger, more connected, and better equipped to weather life’s storms together. As we navigate the complexities of love and partnership, let us strive to cultivate forgiveness as a cornerstone of our relationships, embodying grace, compassion, and understanding.

May we all find healthy ways to work through forgiveness in our relationships as this helps to build a foundation of love, trust, and understanding that sustains us through life’s joys and challenges. Some say there’s no love without forgiveness and no forgiveness without love.  I invite you dear reader, to share your thoughts and experiences on forgiveness in relationships. Your feedback and insights are invaluable in fostering a community of learning and growth.

For further discussions or inquiries, you can reach out  via WhatsApp on +263719102572 or email [email protected].