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Ruth Butaumocho Gender Forum
A FEW weeks ago, I accompanied a friend to her child’s school to negotiate with the headmaster for an extension of the school fees payment period so that her daughter could sit her Ordinary Level examinations.
Before I could even ask why her husband had not settled the bill on time considering that he is gainfully employed and earning a decent salary, she immediately went into a tirade complaining about how her husband was reneging on his role of taking care of the family, expecting her to do everything in the home.

My friend’s situation is not an isolated case.
Today’s women now find themselves in precarious and delicate situations where they are now expected to look after their families, because the husbands are no longer doing so, for one reason or the other.

Deep down, the women feel that they want to be looked after, but they know that it will not happen.
They find men’s roles thrust in their way, forcing them to juggle both motherhood and “fatherhood” — a role that was once a preserve for men.

Some of the once-masculine roles that women now have to accomplish include paying rent, fees for children, buying food in the home and making sure that the husband is clothed and taken care of.

It is undeniably correct to say that the classic male virtues such as strength, aggression and self-sufficient resolves that were so useful in the agrarian and industrial societies, are increasingly becoming outdated in this current era.

Gone are the days when men could care for their families and slave for them as was the norm and tradition, where men by nature were regarded as hunters and gatherers.

The traditional perspective where men were considered as hunters and gatherers in the nuclear family was largely premised on the division of labour, with men taking up menial and cumbersome roles within the family, while women looked after the children.

The pair-bond was considered a co-operative venture geared towards the joint production of highly dependent off-springs. Then, women bore and took care of children in exchange for long-term provisions, security and partnership.

However, that is no longer the case. Rather than fend for the family, the majority of men are now bystanders in a race they should be dominating.

They have long been emasculated, and now wait on their women to care for their families, while they watch from the terraces.
It is, however, important to note that men’s emasculation was not a natural evolution, but was triggered by a spontaneous and well-orchestrated move by women, who usurped men’s ordained role of caring for the family, by declaring that they were as good as men in fending for the family and could even perform better!

Women stand accused of destroying the core of men’s masculinity and are said to have led them astray and away when it comes to taking care of the families and overseeing the operations of the home.

It is said that during the early 1980s’, soon after independence here in Zimbabwe, the majority of women actually declared that they were feminists capable of doing things for themselves including taking care of men.

Some women were convinced that they wanted to be equal partners in the running of the home.
This included building the family house, equal investments and projects that needed to be tackled in a marriage. They also wanted to be involved in buying mombe dzedanga, for the rural home.

My aunt, a retired chartered accountant from the 1980’s era, tells me that the majority of her friends then liked the idea of earning more than men, as equal employment opportunities in the country opened up.

Instead of resisting this revolution, a large number of men played along and even warmed up to the idea as the so-called feminism era sneaked into their homes, more so following the “Beijing Conference” hype of the late 1980’s.

For some men, this era and years that followed actually appealed to their intrinsic value, at a time when the idea of working and providing for their families was proving to be cumbersome in light of keeping the home on its feet, amid a myriad of economic challenges. With the level of resilience and determination that some women were already showing in the home, the majority of men were left with nothing to do in their homes, but to drink, pimp up their vehicles and keeping enough disposable income in their pockets to spoil their girlfriends.
Ultimately, the resultant outcome of women’s economic empowerment was both positive and negative.

It was good for couples who were able to embrace the positive traits of female economic empowerment by blending their roles instead of creating an antagonistic situation.

It, however, was not a bed of roses for some men who, after realising that women were now dominating in the home financially, took a back seat and allowed the “madam” to run the home, to the detriment of the nuclear family.

With life becoming increasingly difficult today, the majority of the once-economically liberated women can attest that they can no longer walk the road alone and now want their men to take over the responsibility of taking care of the family like what they used to do.

Instead of celebrating their continuing ascendancy into the country’s economic echelons, women feel their work and their life balance has just been stretched to a breaking point, where they have to keep up with family and work pressures.

If the truth be told, the existing social dynamics may not be possible to reverse, because a large proportion of Zimbabwean men now believe women have as much right as men to take care of the family. It is for that reason that more men than before are approaching the courts, seeking maintenance from their wives.

But whatever the case may be, men ought to take up their societal roles and fend for their families, like what our fathers used to do.
With the African adage which says that “Children were born out a woman’s womb, but their parentage lies in a man,” it is not disputable that the role of fending for the family lies in men, and should never be switched for whatever reason.

Women can only be helpers in the home, but can never take up the role of fending for the family. No.