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Laina Makuzha Love by Design

This festive season I thought to spare a thought for those in long distance relationships(LDRs), or considering getting into a long distance relationship- it could be you the reader or someone you know.

Long distance relationships, by their very nature are quite the challenge, and those who have managed to make a success of their long distance relationships will tell you it’s no mean feat. 

It was Thomas Fuller who said:  “Absence sharpens love, Presence strengthens it” but is that always the case? I would love to hear your thoughts and views on that, along with ideas for a wonderful Christmas for LDRs. ‘Wouldn’t it be lovely to share ideas and spread some cheer this Christmas even for those who can’t be with their loved ones?

While one may not be in a long distance relationship and feel it doesn’t concern them, LDRs are not always by choice, sometimes couples find themselves plunged into it by unforeseen circumstances such as work related transfers, sometimes studies, or other circumstances beyond your control either way, those who’ve experienced it say the questions are inevitable: Do long distance relationships work, will our love last, should I or should I not? What challenges can I expect? How do others do it? And a whole lot more. 

Being away from your partner creates different kinds of challenges and if you are new to it or considering it, you can expect some kind of conflict. Let’s face it, not having your loved one by your side to share special moments can be deflating.

Various considerations have intimidated many from embracing love over distance, for instance :What is the most challenging thing about love over long distance? How do you maintain a happy relationship  or how do you stay  happy, when you’re alone and not with them? How often should you text or talk on the phone or visit each other? Some couples tend to drift apart, or fall into the trap of incessant conflict which becomes unhealthy. 

As you move apart, you get less time and in turn have lesser discussions, which can give conflicts more space in your relationship. 

Sometimes instead of making memories and enjoying the moments you have, you end up fighting on what you don’t have, as you may find that certain expectations are sometimes not met and you end up having more differences than you had before. 

Conflict itself of course is normal, but it’s just how you handle it and resolve it- as well as what you allow as part of conflict in your relationship or how long you let it drag on.

Some say absence or distance makes the heart grow fonder, while others will tell you “out of sight, out of mind” – such is the world and people’s opinions. When you decide to get into this type of relationship, be strong, know what you want and be resolute in how you are going to make it work no matter what. or at least as much as depends on you. 

That just means you are prepared to do what it takes to make it work, you are prepared to give it your best shot.

Other pitfalls to watch out for include travelling and how it tends to affect the dynamics of your relationships for instance quality time.  

Be careful not to be the partner who starts focusing on the negative and over-analysing things,  which can be toxic for your relationship. Also discuss aspects such as trust, communication, and expectations from each partner. 

Be clear on these which will serve as a guide when the going gets tough — where you can remind each other of what you discussed in the beginning, even as you continue to find better ways to enjoy your relationship.

The good news is, it’s not all doom and gloom, some long distance relationships stand the test of time and emerge a success until the couple is able to live together again. 

So there’s no need to let distance  keep you away from love, or  the opportunity to find love especially to be with someone you really connect well with. Thanks to technology, there are inexhaustible ways that couples in that predicament can have quality time and deep connection even with miles between them. With patience and a willingness on both sides to make things work- add to that some creativity — a couple can certainly achieve their relationship goals.