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By Ms. G
This week, many in China celebrated their love for their better half on the Chinese Valentine’s Day. Qixi, or the Double Seventh Festival, is marked every year on the seventh day of the seventh month of the lunar calendar, a day for lovebirds to bask in romance and refresh their commitment to each other. This year, it falls on August 25.

There is a beautiful but sad legend behind the sweet date. One day thousands of years ago, a kind young cowherd named Niulang (literally meaning cowherd in Chinese) saved the life of an old ox, which was in fact the fallen Taurus. To show his gratitude, the ox led Niulang to a lake where some fairy girls from heaven were bathing and having fun. As instructed by the ox, Niulang hid the dress of one of the fairies.

The owner was Zhinu (weaver girl). Without her dress, Zhinu could not return to heaven. She chased after him and the two had a romantic encounter. They fell in love, got married, and settled down for a happy life.

But this was soon put to an end by Xiwangmu, the Queen Mother of the West. She could bear the thought of her goddess girl becoming the wife of a mere mortal. So she sent celestial soldiers to bring Zhinu back and created a huge river with her hairpin to stop Niuliang from reaching Zhinu.

The young couple were thus hopelessly separated by the river that later became known as the Milky Way. Their yearning for each other touched the hearts of many, even the magpies, which in their thousands formed a bridge over the Milky Way so the two could meet each other halfway. The Queen Mother of the West eventually gave in to true love and allowed them to meet once in a year, on the seventh day of the seventh month.

Qixi is celebrated in the Chinese and several other Asian cultures. A special kind of fried pastry in the shapes of fruits or fishes is eaten on the day, incense is burnt, needlework competitions take place in honour of the fairy weaver, firework shows and carnivals are also put up.

In China, most would buy flowers and gifts for their loved ones and spend a romantic evening together. But Qixi is not restricted to romantic relationships only. You can also profess your love for the other important persons in your life. My bestie texted me to say she loves me. And I packed a digital “red envelope” for my mom who lives across the world in China, thanks to the modern technology of mobile payment. I put in it 9.9 RMB to show my abiding love for her, because the number nine is pronounced like “forever” in Mandarin. The money is not much, but the gesture is well appreciated.

But openly showing affection is quite a new thing in China. Generally speaking, the Chinese culture is very reserved when it comes to displaying feelings. The history of romance and courting in China has gone through dramatic changes over millennium.

From the ancient dynasties up until the 1950s, most marriages were arranged by the parents of the young couple, oftentimes with the two never having the opportunity to meet each other before their wedding night.

Starting from the 1960s, young boys and girls began to have more say over their love life, but most still married the person picked for them by a matchmaker and their parents.

It was only in the 1980s that “free love” became the new norm, with young persons meeting the love of their life in colleges, offices, and all kinds of places. Before the 1990s, holding hands and evening kissing in public was unimaginable in China.

Even in private letters, lovers would still address each other by their first names, and avoid using darling, honey, or babe. They would talk about how they work and study, goals for personal development, views on current affairs, but shy away from straightforward expressions such as “I love you” or “I miss you”.

Coming into the 21st century, the new generation are much bolder in showing affection and chasing love. Dating TV shows and apps have mushroomed, hugs and kisses are more common in the street, even love festivals have multiplied in number. In addition to the Western Valentine’s Day on 14 February, there is Qixi, which is celebrated with greater zeal in recent years; the White Day on 14 March; and May 20, celebrated because the pronunciation of the date in Mandarin is similar to “I love you”.

The young Chinese today also mark November 11 as Singles Day to encourage bachelors and bachelorettes to love themselves and be braver in relationships.

I believe the meaning of life lies in love. We work hard year after to year to gain more knowledge, power, and wealth, not for showing off or possessing these earthly pleasures for eternity.

They are all ephemeral. But with them, we can better protect our loved ones and give our love to more people.

Love should be communicated every day and celebrated ceremoniously once in a while. In these pandemic days, social distancing creates many obstacles for the display of love; but love is more needed than ever before both for families and the world large. It is the ultimate weapon against all kinds of challenges facing humanity.

So why not pick up your phone right now and tell the persons you care about that you love them, always and forever? – [email protected].