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Laina Makuzha-Love by Design

It’s the new year, and what better time to open one’s heart to new possibilities. Having personal dreams as a married individual or someone in a serious relationship is a normal part of life which needs not be a spanner in the works of your relationship. 

Many have been busy from fourth quarter of last year taking stock of what’s truly important in their lives, reflecting on the year behind, as well as planning for the year ahead.

While the new year resolutions seem to have become a cliché, with some asking if they are still “a thing”, I reckon you can call it by any term, but the new year has a way of inspiring individuals, demanding more out of us and spurring us on to better versions of ourselves — well for some. 

Whatever method you use to process the new year, something to remember is that it shouldn’t be a dreary flaky process where you lie to yourself or set unattainable goals resulting in the dreaded process repeating itself year after year but with no follow-through. The time to do better is now. As some would say, “therés no better time than the present.”

If living through a global pandemic has taught me anything, it is that we shouldn’t take health and wellness for granted, we shouldn’t take one another for granted nor take life and the everyday things in our lives for granted. 

The same goes for couples, there’re always areas you can improve, change, or discuss and map a way forward. There are projects you might want to do together, or personal dreams that still need pursuing. 

Most of these involve finances somewhere, somehow. And how do you merge it all to form a beautiful symphony in your marriage or relationship in 2023? 

Planning together only makes sense, it enhances the sense of team work. You might not be too excited about a dream or goal your partner has, maybe it keeps them “too busy” away from your time together, maybe it involves a cost that will chew into your finances, but through sharing your dreams and visions for the future, and discussing honestly, may find yourselves on the same page and agreeing to meet halfway on certain goals or projects. 

For instance in terms of finances, couples, especially newly marrieds, often face a big question: To combine finances, keep them separate or do a combination of  both? Another big one among others is: Should they have children? How many children? The ideal would have been to have such discussions before getting married, however, even after planning, there may be unforeseen circumstances or changes that will require reviewing  your position on the matter. 

The idea is to be open to a different perspective and to hold these discussions amicably. Husbands and wives need not be in competition but a team that can be quite formidable if pulling in the same direction.  

An associate professor of marketing and management communication at Cornell University in USA, Emily Garbinsky, who co-authored a study on pooling finances and relationship satisfaction,  says, “We did see that couples who pool their finances are less likely to break up than couples who keep their finances separate.” 

 “Couples admit that they don’t like talking about finances with their partner,” Garbinsky said. “They anticipate conflict. They think if they talk about their finances that they’re going to end up fighting about it.” The research however, showed that communication is a good thing.

“Feeling like you’re on a team together with your partner promotes relationship satisfaction. Couples who openly talk about money are more likely to be on the same page and are better able to achieve their financial goals”, she said.

There’s so much more on this subject, but we will tackle it another time. Suffice to say if your love life or marriage, 2023 is to improve on it. This is also largely up to you and what you contribute to it, or how you approach it. 

However, remember what I share in this column is not hard and fast rules, as there are inexhaustible ways that couples can increase their success. 

I would in fact be more excited if this could somehow be interactive, experts of various relationship topics, ordinary person on the street — all  exchanging relationship and family experiences on what works, what doesn’t work and altogether contributing to the building of stronger, healthier, happier families and communities.  This way we learn from one another and enrich one another’s lives. 

We will also from time to time this year, hopefully look at the global Sustainable Development Goals that are related to families, to learn how to be up to date with all efforts already in progress. 

You may already know that for instance, Target 3.7 of the Sustainable Development Goals (SDGs) states: “by 2030, to ensure universal access to sexual and reproductive health-care services, including for family planning, information and education, and the integration of reproductive health into national strategies and programmes”. 

Unpacking these very important aspects of our lives further, will help couples and families in improving lives and relationships. 

My invitation to you is as we continue to look at insights, ideas, challenges and educative discussions as a way of igniting more love, more success for couples and healthy family relationships, let’s do it together in 2023.  

Ultimately, if even just one individual, couple or family finds the information useful, that in itself is gratifying.

Dating tip

Calling all wonderful people still looking for that special person to love — here’s something I came across and thought this is just for you in 2023:

Consider dating for the present and the future. What does that even mean?

Well, we do know dating needs to be enjoyable if you’re going to pursue it seriously. Ironic to speak of enjoying and seriousness in the same vein, right?  But you do need to be careful about dating too much for the present without keeping your long-term interests in mind. For someone who doesn’t plan on settling down in the long run, it works.

But for those who don’t rule out marriage, there must come a certain point, when you’ll want to ask yourself: Is this guy/girl a life partner? Or just a fun person to spend some time with?

Will this person help me move forward? Will he/she be there for me when my mom is in the hospital? Will he/she help me navigate career transitions and stressful work weeks or stand with me through job hunting?

Of course some will choose to date casually, on and on. Relationship Coach James Bauer actually says: “At first, you must. 

Acquaintances tend to run away when you propose to them on the first date. But you’ll want to determine your casual timeline. When do you ask the “life partner” question? After two months? Four months? A year? 

“This will affect your choices. Maybe you stay non-exclusive with a guy who’s fun but not that reliable. Or maybe that helps you choose the time to move on. Because dating with intention creates the most happiness for everybody in the long run”. And I tend to agree. 

Well, each to his own. What are your views? Let’s keep the conversation going. 

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