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With Bra Gee
This has been a wonderful week at the usual place and not just because of the long weekend that started on Wednesday and is still continuing.  Everyone knows that after a Thursday break very little will be done on the following Friday and clever employers just let everyone off, except for the grunts whose absence or skiving would really be felt in the pocket.

And all this is coming at the right time before the depression caused by the month that stretches at the end of the meagre money that ordinary fold like you and I earn, which of course is not a true reflection of the state of the economy.

We are also happy to be proved right in stridently refuting claims that the country is broke and will be shut down any time soon as the merchants of gloom have repeatedly predicted.

But if ever there was a question that these guys are just silly jokers, the position has been clarified. They have proved that they cannot find the back of their heads even if you give them two mirrors so why should we believe their lies that we are broke?

I mean, this is a cash rich country where we have ordinary citizens who are not corrupt politicians, greedy CEOs or uncivil public servants having the odd US$700 000 to leave lying around in the kitchen cupboards. Even in the good old US of A, there are very few people who would claim to have that much as loose change.

Obviously this was just some loose change placed in an old cookie jar, just in case the curry ingredients run out some rainy day when there is no money in the house, or these ordinary citizens would not have had to wait until some green eyed monster relatives turned up, Cassius-like, to stab their own, in order to realise that the cookie jar had been raided.

All regulars should drink one for the selfless sister who discovered the loot and did the right thing by calling her workmates to come and share the honey. She could not bear to shoulder the burden of this present from the ancestors alone and summoned the others to partake of the ripe fruit that had plummeted into her hands. This is the true spirit of Ubuntu that is always encouraged in all genuine Africans.

The same cannot be said for the sell-out relatives who would have gotten their just rewards from the ‘vakomana’ if this had still been the era of the liberation struggle. Why should someone report their relative to Hwange Colliery Company for the theft of one miserable bag of coal whose absence has not even been noticed?

As one regular noted, “Ndikokunonzi kushaya hunhu ikoko. Those jealousy relatives should be stripped of their totems!” Instead of having houses in the clan now they are left with nothing. We want to bet our last bottle that they did not get anything out of their foolishness.

Instead they should have gone to their suddenly affluent relatives and demanded a fair share of the loot. Of course not knowing how much the loot was in the first place, the might have been fobbed off with insignificant amounts like US$5000 dollars. But that would have been five thousand times better than what we believe they got from the curry eaters, which is nothing.

In the past week we also got to hear the news that the sisters in the country are really doing it for themselves. Three cheers for the women’s movement as they now have an area where they can claim unquestioned dominance over the men; the downing of liquefied fermented cereals. Now all they need to do is topple the South Africa, Zambia, Burkina Faso, Mozambique and Nigeria to claim the cup for being the most dedicated imbibers in Africa. One regular claims that if the team selection was limited to Matebeleland and Masvingo there would be no contest as it is the sisters from the rest of the country who let the side down. But that is neither here nor there is the most important thing is that the sisters are drinking like fish, which is all that matters.

We have been wondering why the Salarygate scandal appears to have been allowed to die a natural death and the answer is obvious. There is inertia on the part of the responsible authorities which leads us to believe the assertion that someone made at the height of the exposes.

You will surely remember that a loud-mouthed someone said something about how the cash baron CEOs were the masters and the broke ministers were the ones who jumped through the hoops to keep the CEOs happy. That appears to be true.

How can you dare to oppose the man who ensures a steady supply of the little luxuries including some very willing beauty queens? What can you say to the guy who keeps your car fuelled, the car he bought for you in the first place? So do not hold your breath and expect anything to happen anytime soon.

Does anyone remember that man there called TB Joshua who waited until it looked like the missing plane had been located then rashly ‘prophesied’ that the plane would be found that day?

We asked why his prophesy had come so conveniently when the Australians had claimed to have located the debris. Little did he and we know that the Aussies were lying their inherited convicts’ faces off.

So now it has been more weeks than we care to remember since he said today is the day and we would like to know at which hour his today will happen.

Speaking of prophesies, are we reading desperation in the camp of that other prophet who is said not to have claimed that TB Joshua is coming to Zimbabwe?

Till next week, bottoms up!

• Facebook: Bra Gee, Email: [email protected] <mailto:[email protected]>