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friends.
It was that township tea which is prepared with water and milk and it is left on a stove to simmer for a while and you sit down to drink it not on chairs.
One needs to set aside time for this kind of tea; you can not drink it in a hurry. Stories with this brand of tea get on very well; you can chat and talk and forget there is what is called time in this world.
This is what I miss about township life, sitting outside with friends, eating outside. I have observed that in the “suburbs” people rarely sit outside; they eat in inside their houses while watching TV. It seems these big houses have become like mini prisons.
Anyway this was a lovely morning.
As we were drinking our tea her son, muroora (daughter-in-law) and her grandchild came to visit and we were introduced. The son left us and went to join his brothers, but the muroora remained with us and the grandson. The grandson was known as Junior, he was given his grandfather’s name, the late husband of our friend who had invited us.
We continued with our tea. Junior started getting restless and wanted to play, but there was no one to play with. He sat on his mother’s lap and said to the mother, “For you baby.”
He kissed her on the chin, the mother embarrassingly tried to stop him quietly and like typical of children he was not to be stopped, he continued. “For you baby kani mama (please mummy).” He laughed and the mother said: “Unopenga here Junior.” (Are you mad Junior?). We continued to drink our tea, you know the kind of tea, “hobvu”, and with such entertainment it became even more appetising. We continued talking as though we did not hear what Junior had said.
He went on this time with a loud voice: “I said for you baby. For you baby. For you baby!” His voice was becoming louder. This time the mother ignored him and we looked at each other with talking eyes, we were all communicating different messages.
Junior was not going to be ignored: “Mama awunzwe hele ndati, ‘For you baby’.” (Mother are you not listening to me? I said, For you baby). The mother shook off his head sideways in disbelief to what Junior was saying.
An elderly woman (the aunt of our friend) was worried that Junior was becoming restless and why the mother was not answering him when he said, “For you baby”. And she naively or she seemed, she asked: “Ko mupindureika zvaanenge achida kana ati ‘For you baby'” anoda kupindurwa achiti chiyi.” (Why don’t you answer him? How does he want you to answer him when he says ‘For you baby’).
We all looked at each other with talking eyes again and we did not know how to answer the old woman. Some said we could have told the old lady that it was the same as they used to say in the olden days – mahobo ako andakakuchengetera.
In the meantime Junior was now beating up the mother, “For you baby mama, for you baby” He was crying and laughing, the mother ended up laughing and one of our friends said: “Nyaya dzenyu dzekutaura zvinhu vana ava vachinzwa, amenho zvenyu, chimudayirayi ka tinzwe anditi zvanzi naGogo (the aunt of our friend) mupindureyi.” (You see, this is the problem of saying some of these things while these children are listening. Gogo (the old woman) is saying answer him.)
The tea we were drinking nearly choked us with laughter. Junior was getting real frustrated and he was no longer polite, he decided wrestling was the language his mother was going to respond to; he became a John Cena.
He started jumping on his mother’s lap and would say, “John Cena! John Cena!” One of our friends commented, “Hezvo zvazosvika kumakata, makuitwa chiJohn Cena- ka.” (Oh dear, he is now John Cena, it’s bad).
Our muroora was so embarrassed that she excused herself and went to do some work in the kitchen. Junior remained, now wrestling with the grandmother, our friend.
What Junior had done was translated by others as a way of showing how the father loves the mother and when he says “For you baby”, they go into a love zone, either by kissing or doing other things. What frustrated the child is that the mother did not respond, smile or show some appreciation of what Junior was saying, as she would to father, and then he decided to go the John Cena way.
This is how other couples communicate to each other, when the other fails to answer to their request they become the John Cenas of this world and they become wrestlers.
Why some partners fail to respond to “For you baby” might have something to do with the environment, bad timing. How do you get what you want from your partner without becoming a John Cena? There were a number of lessons, which came out of Junior’s “For you baby” story.
Some felt that adults should be careful what they do in front of children, saying things like “For you baby” would result in the child saying it in the wrong place.
But some chose to disagree and said that parents should show affection to each other so that their children will understand what love is all about.
They would make sure that they do not go far, in front of the kids, by patting each other, kissing, or calling each other romantic names that would not be a problem.
The love which parents show to each other also rubs onto the children. This is what some parents had to say: “I have two boys, four and six and yes my husband and I do kiss in front of them, not full snogging and the younger one will always go eew to get a reaction from us. But the older one will tell him we are allowed.
“For example, dad comes in from work, kisses/cuddles his children or they hug him first and then he does the same to me, the only difference is I get lips and they get cheek or forehead.
“They already know that they are not allowed to kiss anyone on the lips not even mum or dad, even my four- year-old will tell me my lips are only for his dad.
“I believe there is nothing wrong in moderate affection, I never did see my parents displaying any affection to each other. If we can kiss and hold hands outside, I see no reason why we cannot do the same in front of the children.”
Parents should be careful not to do those other things in front of the children. Although some parents try by all means to hide it but some of the language they use might not be smart enough and the children become curious.
A joke has circulated for years of a child who was asked by her teacher, “What is the last thing that your parents do or say before they retire to bed?’ and the child said, “My father says to my mother ‘Dzimayi rambi tidle zvinhu’.” (My wife switch off the light I want to eat things). (This kind of jargon might make a child curious and want to see what it is that the parents eat at night which may confuse them).
Junior’s story also teaches lovers good timing – when to say and how to say romantic words to your lover and how they are likely to respond.
If your lover does not respond favourably maybe because of the environment or because of what they are going through, do you become a John Cena (be angry and force them to understand what you are trying to convey to them)?
What do you do if she/he does not understand what you are trying to convey? You find other ways of communicating and make sure you apply more love to how you approach the whole issue and not to say to her/him: “You don’t understand; if it was so and so would understand, that is why I end up going to her/him.”
It does not matter how slow someone is in trying to understand what their lover is trying to communicate to them, but if it is communicated through love and one is persistent then the other will finally be part of what you wish for.
When communicating something to the one you love and they are not getting it, watch out for distance or space, you are better off using ways which will not take up their space and then they feel as if they are suffocating.
Write them a letter even if you live together, email them, compose a poem for them, a love song (last week we sang along to some of the love songs), buy them flowers, cook them the best dinner, do whatever you can do to persuade them without causing any harm. Buy that nice lingerie and those toys as presents.
Go out of your way to impress! Some might wonder why space is important. No matter how much you love each other, there are times when you just need space from each other – simply because you are human beings.
When one is in such a mood show them you miss them and try and joke about it, in a manner that you understand that they will come around. But this moody business should not be an everyday thing, then it would a problem which only a psychiatrist or psychologist will have to deal with. Let us end the Valentine’s month with love. Blow a kiss for your lover and say “For you baby!”
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