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Ruth Butaumocho Gender Forum
The year comes to an end tomorrow and will probably go down in the history as one of the most eventful years in recent times. The gender discourse dominated news for both bad and good reasons, with the election of Zimbabwe to the SADC gender chair, coming up tops on the news.

The year will go down in history as one of the worst years to date in which domestic violence reared its ugly head, resulting in the loss of lives.

Even cases of sexual abuse of women, girls and boys tripled from the previous years, an indication that gender based violence had become multi-pronged despite Government’s efforts and other players in curbing the practice.

But it was gender based violence that hogged the limelight, as attested by reported cases of violence and even murders across Zimbabwe.

Indications show that a large number of people in intimate relationships are failing to resolve their differences amicably resulting in use of violence, a phenomenon that cost many people their lives.

Several other women and men in intimate relationships lost their lives in similar incidences that could have been avoided had they sought help from family and friends or make bold decisions to end the unions.

While some of the people who were killed were as a result of one- off scuffles that turned brutal and resulted in one or both parties reacting violently, most of the people who were killed had long- standing disputes.

They were in toxic relationships which had all the tell-tale signs of abuse. Some of the victims knew that their violent relationships would one day turn tragic, but they kept hoping that things would change.

Soon after the shooting of South African model Reeva Steenkamp by athlete Oscar Pistorious – accidentally or not – her friends started coming out in the open, saying the two had an unusual relationship that was characterised by bouts of violence, at Oscar’s instigation.

Reeva probably knew that the relationship would one day turn brutal, but she kept on hoping for a positive change.

The change never came and she was killed in cold blood by a man who had earlier on declared his undying love to her.

She probably didn’t see it coming, because an abusive relationship is often a confusing mix of love, fear, dependency, intimidation, guilty and hope.

Yes hope. Most of the people who finally breathed their last in the hands of their partners kept on hoping that the tide would change for the better. They kept on hoping that they would fall back in the yesteryear mode of chocolates, lovey-dovey-ear nibbling, endless midnight talks and cuddles.

With all the signs of danger lurking at their doorsteps, they continued hoping for change until they were one day murdered in cold blood.

Intimate relationships, should be zones of comfort, source of inspiration, beds of dreams, and not war zones, as has been the case lately in some relationships.

If name calling, abusive threats, finger pointing, and fist fighting becomes the order of the day, then that malevolent relationships is not good for both partners, the children and everyone around them

Rather continue pushing that toxic relationship to another level of abuse then partners in that relationship should rethink their position and find a quick solution to their problems before the union ends tragically.

As the New Year beckons, a lot of people will be compiling their resolutions, setting targets for themselves, hoping to cross economic bridges, something they were not able to do the previous year.

Unfortunately not many people sit down and reflect on their personal happiness, and set resolutions to change for the better. With the increasing cases of domestic violence among people in intimate relationships, it is critical to carry out a self-assessment exercise on one’s personal relationship, to see if it measures up to the bar.

If it is not worth the pad, it is written on; sometimes it is important to find a solution without compromising one’s health, safety and life.