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Of course, this villager writes this article expecting a backlash from pseudo-Christians and not real Chris­tians, for one does not plunge into the river in winter and then run away from the cold. It is expected!

Village elders say the best defence against logic is igno­rance, desperation and gullibility. In the same vein they say the only thing achievable in life without effort is fail­ure, for failure is mainly achieved by keeping a redun­dant mind forever gathering dust-like and old book. When it comes to religion and religiosity, the art and the belief, a suffering human being becomes weak, suscepti­ble and clueless, automatically surrendering to the occult in fear of the unknown.

Then, perception becomes reality. Fear of the unknown transforms into gullibility and the very little that one has can easily be given away to the few who are enterprising and claiming to have express access to God. The poor, the hungry and the less fortunate, get seriously under pressure from the fortune-tellers that they part with their meals and even go hungry, after being hood­winked that they are investing in God, by these enter­prising smartly dressed self-styled prophets.

These are the latter day businessmen, entrepreneurs or gosprenuers, using the bible to line their pockets, while milking the sick and the suffering of their hard-earned cash. Religion then provides the much-needed smoke­screen behind which these men hide their gospreneur­ship. It is the biggest and fastest growing industry in Zimbabwe and beyond.

That gospreneurs perform miracles is not in dispute, for, since time immemorial, both the evil and holy per­form miracles, but the question is that of authenticity.
If you challenge the so-called men of God, they do not want and they even have rabid information departments or information officers who run the churches like typical corporate companies. In gosprenuership, those claiming to have express access to God, induce fear in the mind of the poor and of course the gullible, effectively loosening their shoe-string budgets and end up throwing their last and only cent into the well-polished bowel.

Now there is another aspect on the sitting arrange­ments of one of the congregations this villager attended recently, the bowls are classified as gold, bronze, silver and even platinum in terms of those who tithe the most and those who tithe the least. Fat pockets sit by the golden bowel and the thinnest sit by the platinum or sil­ver bowels. In some huge money-spinning churches, they use rubbish bins, the black plas­tic bins we use in our homes. That is gospreneurship, for you. The problem with modern society is that one man can achieve more than a thousand others since what is popular is not always right and yet, what is right is not always popular.

This villager, had the last laugh this week after all the hullabaloo about men of cloth — of course many times often caught without clothes or pants down with mar­ried members of their congregation — those forever clad in designer suits and looking elegant yet stealing from the poor and the gullible.
What interested this villager though, is that the law can be silly even, bunching together the prophets and spirit mediums and requiring them to register under one umbrella organisation. What a trade test! In the village don’t they say besides its proclivity of tricks, the hair has never mastered the art to climb up a tree.

This is precisely the point the villager was making in the last installment that there is need to authenticate the prophets and that the spirit mediums are even more transparent than the prophet when it comes to anointing and homecoming or possession.
In fact, this villager has been vindicated after calling a spade, a spade. The law dictates that the prophets, among them the elegantly dressed Emmanuel Makandiwa and Eubert Angel will have to stand in the same registration queue with spirit mediums Karitun­dundu, Dumburechuma, Chingowo, Nyamapfeni and Gumboremvura for registration and trade test, for them to get operating certificates.

If the spirit mediums, the traditional autochthons of Zimbabwe agree to be registered what about these young guys? That is the law for you. They have to pass the trade test as well before registration, for this country, the land of Munhumutapa and Nehanda is not a free for all. Any­one who is genuine should be prepared to go the jour­neymanship. Does anyone recall the story of Daniel in the lion’s den? The lions lost appetite, completely, upon seeing him pray and what do you think about the croco­diles that scamper for cover when genuine spirit medi­ums plunge into the waters of Dande River?

In a country of many, there are bound to be genuine prophets and fake ones and it is therefore, necessary for us to regulate and ensure that everyone adheres to fair practice. If people who knock around a mere ball with their feet for 90 minutes are registered and regulated what about prophets and spirit mediums who deal with the delicate human life.

Finally, if a single mother from yonder Mbire commu­nal lands travels all the way to Botswana, Zambia and South Africa to import a few blankets for sale and is taxed, what makes the Zimra fail to tax gospreneurs? They are making thousands, if not millions of dollars in broad day light?
They drive new generation luxury cars, live large and stay in the best houses in town, yet the people they take money from live in abject poverty.

It is high time Zimra re-looks at the tax regime because even businessmen and bankers like Tawanda Nyambirai have said the churches, can actually bail out struggling financial insti­tutions. This is a realisation that, the gospreneurs have the money. Making money makes sense!
The village soothsayer, the ageless autochthon of knowledge and wisdom says: “In the end, blessed are those who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused in a world where artificial intelli­gence is no match for natural stupidity. Life can be the cheapest commodity, if one is not careful.”