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Suffice to say there is no depth or end to Zimbabwean humour, industry, resourcefulness and creativity.
This villager could not help but recall these things when he heard, and it is the talk of this city of lights, scantily dressed women and smelling allays – Harare – that our dear Prime Minister has now been rechristened “Morgay” on account of his unpopular stance on the so-called gay rights.

It all started when he appeared on the BBC and said that he supported the “rights” of gays.
When he came back home, people’s anger was waiting for him. How could he say that?
In the village, the question is; If we would be a nation of gays and lesbians where would children come from?

Christians, which many of us are, were disgusted and aghast: how could a full Prime Minister advocate for such an unGodly dispensation? Even chicken barfed! Yes road runners vomitted.
This villager can tell you, chicken went vomitting throughout the village with loathsome disgust, their innards provoked into throwing up by the Prime Minister’s quest to respect the marriage between people of the same sex.

The chicken even wondered if two cocks could copulate, goats bleated and cattle came in mooing, questioning if two bulls could copulate and advance their race!
“Saka ndiko kuchinja kwacho here nhai vanhu veZimbabwe?” asked the chicken, cattle and goats.
This villager is sure that if there were donkeys in the land of milk, honey and dust, they would ask if there is a curse bestowed upon the human race. It is a disgrace to our Africanism.

Connected to the issue of advancing species, God instructed us to marry and have as many children as the sands of the ocean, so how can we multiply when men go after men and women after women?
After all, God created Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve?

But in all the hullabaloo, Zimbabweans typically found the humorous side.
Now we hear that the PM is called Morgay!
But hold on, he is also called Tsvancson on account of his invitation of sanctions that have ruined the lives of people of Zimbabwe.

But we will come to this point later.
It is said that the Premier was influenced by David Cameron, whose government is cutting aid to sane societies and countries for their rejection of homos.

The things we do for money!
Back in the village in the land of milk, honey and dust, marriage is quite special and when subsequently spiced with a wedding, the curtain of a new life engulfs the village.
Amid the ululation, the fancy dancing, imbibing, the zest, pomp and funfair, gifts pour in the form of goats, chicken and cattle, among others.

It is common to see an old woman untie a knot from the corner of her wait-wrapping cloth and pluck out a tattered and torn dollar or worse still, a coin.
But it is the celebration that follows, that reveals the extent of happiness from the old woman’s present that makes the villagers green with envy.
A few moons after the wedding, both sides start looking for a protruding stomach from the bride. The seed! Aunts openly ask while parents just watch and once the bride starts behaving in an unusual

manner, they cherish and say, “the seed has been planted”. It is a big sigh of relief.
For villagers to gather under a muchakata tree and say, we gather here today to witness and bless the marriage between John and James, will be quite a spectacle.
It will certainly be an impish attempt to paint the air and akin to the overzealousness of a beautician to spend time applying cosmetic to a frog. It is ugly, for no amount of cosmetics can beautify a frog.

In the village we find it highly offensive not only to our sexual drive but also to our wholesome humanism to vote for a president, who will respect marriages between Maria and Ruth and another marriage between John and James.
If this is the kind of change the MDC-T leadership is about to usher to this country, God forbid.

This villager is sure that the Prime Minister who has harboured presidential ambitions for too long, might have overclouded his brain with the attraction of the dollar from Europe and sold his soul.
This villager does not believe that the man from Buhera – which is also the origin of the mhofus like this villager, famed for their love of women, as represented by Nyashanu – really believes that homosexuality is a subject worth the Prime Minister’s commitment of support.

Of course, this villager knows that the handlers of our Prime Minister in the land yonder, are trying to groom him into a white man in black skin.
Shamwari watengesa iwe
Shamwari kude mari!
Shamwari watengesa iwe,
Shamwari kude mari!

Vangandipe zvakakosha sei
Handitengese iwe Zimbabwe!
Zvaita seiko nhai baba ho?
Matengesa nhai baba wo!
Matengesa nhai baba ho!
Matengesa nhai baba!

That was Thomas Mapfumo in his heyday.
But the full import of this installment is that it defies logic for the Prime Minister of the Republic of Zimbabwe to even declare his support for gays and lesbians, when he aspires to be the president of a republic of conservative people.

We are a proud people who cherish and enjoy their humanism, a people who have made it clear that they do not support homosexuality.
Then you expect the same people to vote for you. My foot!
It is the uncaring fart of a sleeping person, which does not annoy the owner but sends the awake shying away and out of sorts.

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