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Make a Difference with Bee
THERE is one thing that all parents are in agreement over these days. It does not matter from which side of town they originate or how old they are; they will always agree that these are tough times for parents and guardians.
The days we are living in now are certainly not the same with days of old when people would have as many children as they possibly could. Parents of today cannot do that. Back in the day, we know that women would rear as many as eight children. As long as one could have children, they would have them children.

Some would have children to replace those who would have died while others would have many children so they could have helpers around the fields and the home. It was considered a sign of wealth to have many children. Thus many of us came from big families where we are blessed to have siblings to share life’s burdens and blessings with. Children of today, however, do not enjoy the same feat. Some are born alone while others are two; with one being a male and the other a female.

What this means is that these children will never know the joy of having an older or younger sister or brother. There are many people who today are opting to have just a single child or two because they say raising children today is the most expensive process one can go through.

Others cite busy careers, studies and lack of adequate time for parenting, among the reasons which influence the decisions they make regarding children.

Just this week schools opened. While for some children, especially those in the early grades, who are still enjoying the idea and novelty of school; the beginning of a new term is filled with excitement, the same cannot be said for most of the parents. Long faces, frowning countenances and an unusually brusque manner characterise the features that most parents can be identified by in this period.

Walking through town the other day looking for a bigger size of school shoes for my Grade One baby, who has outgrown her school shoes in just two terms, I came across several parents also stocking up on school shoes, socks and other essentials. As is always the case, some of us got talking about school fees and how children always seem to go through uniforms very fast, especially when money is hard to come by.

One woman spoke about how her husband was constantly blaming her for having too many children as if only she were responsible for the five children the couple has. Much to the laughter of all of us near the lady, she said she had told her husband to swallow his children so they could go back where they were before she had them.

A man who was nearby joined in the conversation, saying if one wants to die poor, they should have many children. He spoke about how his children were steadily and surely depleting his cash reserves, adding that if he had known how tough things would be in future, he would have had one child instead of the six he has.

He said he is constantly amazed when he reads stories of men being taken to court to maintain the children they would have had out of wedlock.

“Why can’t men and women have fun without taking on permanent responsibilities by having children that they then fail to look after? There are family planning methods all over and these include condoms. Why are people not using them instead of bringing children into the world to suffer?” he said to no one in particular.

He spoke the truth. Today, every morning we open newspapers to cases of men being taken to court for failing to look after their children. Some offer measly amounts that cannot even buy a week’s meals for a child. You wonder how such parents think their children will go to school.

Fees have become one of the major costs parents of this generation have to contend with. From as early as nursery school, thousands of dollars are being asked for. University years are also some of the hardest.

Some parents who thought life was a breeze in earlier years today are struggling after putting their children in foreign and some local universities where fees is a nightmare. With many parents’ investment plans having been rendered useless during the hyper-inflationary period, it is very few who find it easy to educate their children without suffering from major headaches.

Those who get school fees assistance or support from their employers are among the lucky few in the country. However, with companies struggling to stay afloat, some parents have had to downgrade their children from top private schools because out of their own pocket, they just cannot make ends meet. Times are tough indeed.

When they are this tough, it becomes important to be organised. When one is organised they must not start thinking of school fees when schools have opened. They must not look for uniforms the day before schools resume. The results of doing this are having one’s child chased or ill-treated because they have not paid school fees, which affects their performance.

While the issue of school fees is a matter between parents and the school, it is known that schools mete out the punishment of non-payment on the children. Surely it would be much more effective to stick a notice on the parents’ foreheads that they are problem-parents than labelling a child.

The fees would be paid in minutes, even if one has to borrow just to avoid the shame. Let us be organised and be upfront with schools when there are challenges.

We can also avoid some of these problems by planning our families and having children that we are comfortable looking after. It is amazing that in most cases, people with no means or low incomes choose to have more children than those with higher incomes. To offer your children the best of what you can provide; there is need to agree on the number as couples.

Providing for children today is not just about materials but also about time. If you are a busy person who gets home late daily, you might want to cut down on the number of children you will have. I struggle daily with my conscience when I fail to get home in time to do homework, read a book or cuddle my six-year-old child because there are many things that I am chasing as a professional who is also studying.

It is not as easy anymore, as it is. It is definitely not just about having them. The difference is in being a real parent in every way. Let us strive to get there.

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