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Fadzai Maposah-Correspondent

It is never easy starting a discussion that will attract many questions. 

More so when the questions are not easy to answer.

Following the incident when Takudzwanashe my second daughter had become adamant that she would not sit on the brick work near the school hall because some very naughty children were putting razor blades that had cut a girl’s bottoms, I felt the pressure to initiate discussion on the ‘it’ experience.

I had to make things right. It was not an easy feat. 

I had to decide whether to have a combined discussion with the two daughters or have separate ones.

 Separate discussions would mean that I would run one discussion while on the other hand ensure that the other daughter was occupied so that we would not be disturbed and questioned why she was not part of the conversation. 

So I decided that I would have a discussion with Tadiwanashe and make sure that Takudzwanashe was busy. 

It has never been easy to keep my ‘leftie’ busy.

Even now as young woman, she always wants to know why things are a certain way.

As one gets older, it seems that not all questions should be answered.

The other option is to quickly admit that you do not have the answer but will try and get it. 

These days you can just pass it on to Google…..

In tackling this issue of sharing vital information regarding the ‘it’ experience I first thought that I would draw the female reproductive system and then share what happens when one has an ‘it’ experience. 

Then I thought that my poor artistic skills would frighten the girls when they saw how crooked and twisted their insides were!

 I would have a lot of explaining to do in case I was asked if anything could be done to straighten the crooked paths! 

I decided that I would just use the gift of speech. 

I asked the girls to come to my bedroom after supper.

 For as long as the girls can remember we could just lie down together on the big bed and bond. 

As people who slept on a bunk bed any other bed was considered ‘big’.

 The times that we spent together were essentially ‘Girls’ Club’ meetings to talk about anything and everything! 

The meetings as the ‘Girls Club ‘were conducted anywhere and were highly informal. 

They were a great bonding platform. 

We even had a catch line. The Girls’ Club: Stays together! Now the meetings are more ‘grown up’.

Back to the indaba. 

We started off all relaxed on the bed, resting against the headboard. 

Even Felly, the brown and cream coloured Teddy Bear, joined us in the discussions.

Felly is still a part of the family and she has been a great playmate to all the three girls. 

Now Felly who has a place in my bedroom reminds me how important it is to value each moment.

There were times when the girls would argue about whose turn it was to be with Felly. 

Now Felly is always in the same place and is occasionally picked up, but most of the time she is alone. I digress… 

When I said I wanted to talk about what had happened at school when one of Tadiwanashe’s classmates had been ‘cut’, Takudzwanashe winced.  I am sure that in her mind she was saying oh no.

 I knew then, it was time to dismiss her from the discussion and concentrate on giving the older sister the correct information.

Takudzwanashe is particular about order.

 She always has been.

To get an opportunity to talk about the ‘it’ experience to Tadiwanashe freely, I asked Taku to fix the shoe rack.

 She went to the shoe rack and started by taking all the shoes off the rack. 

Humming to herself she set to work in the corner where the shoe rack was.

All I can say is that when I began the discussion, I really understood why my mother, Ma Ncube had opted for the nuggets of information. 

I was afraid if I gave her too much information it would overwhelm her.

I was also afraid if I gave her too little information, the whole exercise would be futile. I was stuck with going middle of the road! Even more dangerous. 

I told Tadiwanashe that there were no razor blades. 

She quickly agreed. I told her that what had happened to her classmate was part of growing up and becoming a woman. 

I assured her that it was a natural process that needed to be embraced.  She wanted to know when her time would come. 

I could only tell her that the times were different for every woman quickly adding that she was not to be tormented while waiting otherwise she would be stressed.

I shared that I had been tormented while waiting and I had had to wait for many years. 

I assured her that together we would prepare by having a just in case ‘it’ kit in place. 

The next question was how the kit was to be used. I said that there was a practical side to the discussion.

We left the younger sister busy on the shoe rack and went to their bedroom where I had already put the kit and showed her how to use it.

 I asked for reverse demonstrations and when I was satisfied that she could use it when the time came, I told her that she was free to talk to me anytime as before. 

Going back to my bedroom, Takudzwanashe was just finishing her task. 

I told her that there were no razor blades on the brick work but that what had happened was part of growing up.

 She said that she did not want to grow up because it was bound to be painful.

 That alone was enough to tell me that she still needed baby steps so that she could take it all in.