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Ruth Butaumocho Gender Forum
A week has passed since schools opened for a new term.
Most parents found themselves battling on the hard end of their budgets to cater for their children’s school fees, uniforms and other necessities.
Naturally, responsible parents and guardians who had done their homework well during the course of the year, did not have problems sending their children back to school with all the basics needed to take their children through to the end of the term.

However, in such circumstances, you will often find that there are several parents who always make the last-minute rush to borrow school fees money from friends, relatives and colleagues.

Instead of fulfilling their roles of caring for the children, some parents start playing truant, giving all sorts of excuses, and in some instances, faking relatives’ deaths to avoid paying their dues.

It is probably for this reason readers of this paper were on Friday shocked by the picture of a woman who was hanging precariously on the bonnet of the car belonging to a man whom she accused of impregnating her, demanding that he pays for the upkeep of their child.

Such cases are not unique where either or both parents renege on their responsibilities to care for their children without the assistance of the law, and in this case maintenance fees in cases where one parent has abandoned their role.

It is a shame on some parents. Men find it easy to walk away from their children in the event of a marriage breakdown or other social problems that may require the two to live apart. Instead of focusing on the welfare of the children, both parties or one of them may actually choose to live lavishly, spending more on flashy cars while their children lead miserable lives.

Neglect of parental roles is not only being experienced by estranged, separated or divorced partners, but also in many homes even among married couples, who just fail to diligently look after their own children, resulting in either the husband or wife seeking legal recourse for the upkeep of the children.

Instead of mutually agreeing on a financial settlement to care for the family, several men and women are now banking on the courts for financial respite through child maintenance.

Child maintenance that was once regarded as “respite for single mothers” can make a significant difference to a child’s well-being and the quality of family relationships. A parent who does not live with their child still has a financial responsibility for the child so that life becomes bearable for the one who is giving shelter, food, moral as well as financial support for the same child.

I believe that both parents play equally important roles in childbearing and that a father’s time with his children is equally critical for their development in as much as his financial contribution is.

In fact, I consider the level of a man’s involvement with his children to be a measure of his manhood. A father’s rights to his children are as sacred as mother’s, and I see no reason why men fail to own up to their role of caring for the family, be it financially, morally or otherwise.

However, instead of sharing this responsibility, the battle for child custody and child maintenance becomes a form of punishment where women use custody to extract financial gains, while on the other hand, men withhold financial assistance to “cheapen” the woman and make her beg for assistance for the upkeep of the children.

If anything this behaviour smacks of cheap animosity, hate, and social politics between the two and is detrimental to the well-being of the children. It is also a clear demonstration that these vindictive women, and the cowardly and selfish men, don’t care a dime about the children they agreed, or accidentally sired together in their moments of weakness. It is folly, and sheer malice to drag children into custody and maintenance battles which they were never part of in the first place.

While it is generally agreed that it is practically impossible for some couples to continue talking, seeing each other after they have nullified their marriage, I am convinced that they can still have a respectful parental relationship after divorce.

As a nation, we need to stop the carnage of custody wars for the children’s sake, to ensure that they have a better future and a respectable upbringing.