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Fadzayi Maposah-Correspondent

There was a time my friend since 1987, Rumbi and I used to have crying committees.

It was just the two of us but we were a full committee I tell you. The committee meetings never had any agenda, neither was there a notice of the meeting. Each time we were together we called the house to order and the meeting began.

Now some may be wondering what actually happened during these crying committees. Get a clue from the name of the committee. Crying. Are you surprised? Now you may be wondering what kind of adolescent tantrums these were. This was not in 1987. I met Rumbi in 1987.

So I fondly refer to her as my friend since 1987. These crying committees were conducted by Rumbi and I when we were mothers!

What can stop us from having a friendship with a catchline? Organisations have catchlines and I can proudly stand up and say that my friendship has a catchline!

So back to the crying committees. Rumbi and I live in the same town and it has been so for a very long time. She is Maiguru Rumbi to my daughters who always wait for the catchline when Rumbi and I meet. Yes, it is part of the greeting! 

When the crying committees were very active and frequent, I would take a walk and even on some days jog to Rumbi’s house. There on the lawn while I did a few stretches start a crying committee.

Now these sessions were really draining We would complain about anything and everything. Once one raised a complaint the other would support by expressing all the bad things about that issue. At some point we used to bemoan the fact that others of the same as us had glowing black hair while each day we gained more grey strands. Why? What would we look like in 20 years time or even 30 years later.

Looking back now we can only wonder where we used to get so much energy to cry over things that had happened in the past and that we could not change.

Back then it seemed the right thing to do. These pity parties did more harm than good. We resented almost everything about our lives. Sad is it not. We sure needed professional help then but never got it.

Come to think of it, we lacked support. At times people would stumble upon these crying committees and maybe when we tried to save a tear from falling, we would be asked if we were crying.

I do not ever remember admitting that we were crying. We always had an excuse.

The thing about these crying committees is when they ended, we were worse off than when the committee meeting began! After some time we avoided being just the two of us because we did not want just to be crying over things that we could not change. We realised the more we got upset about our grey hair, the more it spread! 

It was not easy explaining to the girls why our eyes were red. This was many years before glasses that can be used to cover affected eyes. 

Saying we had been affected by allergies got us hugs initially, then they were suggestions that we should try and find what triggered the allergic reactions and remove it.

That hit us hard, hearing such from children who were beginning primary school or in the final years of pre-school. They even shared experiences of how their teachers who had potted plants had realised that some children were being affected so the plants had either been taken outside or donated to another class where there were no children who were affected. Loaded words from children.

So my friend since 1987 and I resolved that we would put an end to these crying committees. If something came up that did not make us happy , we would talk about without complaining.

Slowly we had realised that all talking about the bad things from our past, did not change them, all it did was to make us bitter towards the people we thought or knew had caused them or very angry at ourselves for having made poor decisions.

Looking back now, we cannot take back the time we spent having our pity parties. We decided to learn from those experiences and share with others that life happens. When life happens, it does not always happen as we want it to, there are some things that we may experience that leave dents on our hearts. Pain, disappointment is all part of life’s puzzle.

Life experiences can be linked to the seasons. In summer, it is hot, sunny with rains.

Winter brings the cold and everyone is looking for something to keep them warm. In autumn, trees shed their leaves and they are bare, basically naked. When spring comes, the same trees come back to life and they start to flower again. Lessons from nature. No matter how heavy the rain, at some point it will stop.

I thought about the crying committees when I was talking to a young girl who is not happy about menstruating. In fact she is angry at some people who told her that at puberty, she would develop wide hips and have a big bust.

She said from a young age she had looked forward to having breasts and used to stuff papers or pieces of clothing so that she had cleavage. I am sure many women and girls have done this! Then one would sit with the chest elevated…..

Her periods are painful, people have been telling her it will get better and she is impatiently waiting for the day. I shared with her my crying committee experiences.

Menstruation is not easy for everyone Some are in summer, experiencing downpours and lots of thunder.

Others are in winter, the wind leaves them with cracked skins. For others, they are in spring, coming to full bloom and everyone can see it.

Others are getting to autumn or are already there, shedding leaves and being in menopause. What ever season you are in do not start a crying committee, draw lessons from your season, seek necessary support.