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TB Joshua

BAR TALK with Bra Gee

A merry Christmas beckons
So it is going to be a very merry Christmas after all. What with the price of fermented grain coming down and the meat being also buyable, what more can we ask for?

It is good to see that there are people who really care about the right things at the right time.
Even the spouses will be happy because with the increased fuel prices all revellers will have to patronise the local bars instead of driving to those far off hideouts where we all know what happens there.

Now drinkers will be confined to a small radius for imbibing the cheap alcohol as they avoid guzzling fuel. We expect to see more outlets mushrooming in the hoods.
Some will be legal, others will be shady and others will be no more than a few bottles bundled in a wet sack. But who cares? As long as it is the right stuff, we will drink it, although in some cases it may mean running battles with representatives of the long arm of the law.

Of course the usual suspects are muttering about how this is all deflation and the move has been caused by unprecedented low sales volumes as imbibers choose cheaper options or stay off the sauce altogether. Maybe that is all true, but this is one topic where we prefer to be myopic. If the price comes down and the product is available, then who cares? Let the economists worry about their prediction graphs while we quaff the beer at pump price.

Deadly blind seers
We have always found it funny how the self appointed faithful will religiously believe any hogwash uttered by equally self appointed prophets.
And we have always wondered why these seers all seem to be entirely immersed in visions of the deaths of people who have nothing to do with them, unless it is a way to fish for more self appointed faithful legions to fill the offering plate.

So now the self-appointed seer of the world who lied to us that the Malaysian MH17 would be found many months ago decided to tell us about how a coup was about to take place in these regions. Then death struck his temple and legions of the self appointed faithful realised that Man of God and God are two very different titles.
We have always been saying it so now we will forbear from labouring the point. After all even drinkers have gone to meet their Maker after mishaps at drinking holes.

The only difference is that if the roof fell on us today we would not feel betrayed because no one has ever pretended that the bar is hallowed ground and the publican has never hidden that it is the love of our money that keeps him and his staff up until the wee hours of morning, as long as we are buying.

Lobola refund hailed
This is a dire warning to all parents who fail to raise exemplary daughters and instead unleash bed rangers on the world. The word is unless you are sure that your child is a good girl, do not charge any lobola before the marriage. Now there is a legal precedent of a court ordering  refund of lobola payments, we expect the courts to be inundated with many similar suits as cuckolded husbands protest against having to share the honey pot that they stacked exclusive rights to with a lobola payment, handsome or meagre as the case maybe. This is arising from the case of a father ordered to repay all the money that a prospective son-in-law had showered him with before the intended went off and indulged with a completely different man who turned out to be seriously virile and impregnated the bride before her wedding.

A sister who is a regular patron at the usual place said this has nothing to do with the morality of the woman in question, just the levels of street smartness. She said this daughter who embarrassed and impoverished her father just did not have the right friends.

Otherwise they would have shown her just one of the many adverts on contraceptives freely available in the country or that failing, they would have directed her to some very accommodating doctors.

Then they would introduce her to numerous sekurus, mbuyas and others of no specific generic titles who would give her powders, soaps, gels and whatever else to ensure that hubby would have no complaints on the wedding night. Regulars from long back will remember how sisters who sell invisible goods in the bar have proved that they can regain their virginity any old day.

But on the other hand maybe men should also realise that the era of long betrothals is long gone. What is the point of marrying a woman then leaving her a wife in name and not in deed while you go off to Egoli? Do you think it is sadza that she wanted from marriage? We have also been wondering how the father of the erstwhile bride will work out the repayment technicalities, seeing as he is set to write the rule book on how to return lobola when your daughter cannot keep her legs crossed.

Will he call all the relatives who were with him on the day and ask them to pay back whatever portion of the lobola they received as tokens of appreciation for their presence?

Will he also ask the go between to cough up whatever he got for his services? And will the guests be expected to pay for the food that they chomped during the ceremony seeing as the son-in-law wants everything back, even the feet of the chickens eaten on that day?

Till next week, bottoms up!

Facebook: Bra Gee, Email: [email protected]