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let us down in so many ways leaving us hurting. Similarly we have caused others pain knowingly and unknowingly.
I have heard so many times people swearing that they have nothing to do with so and so because they wronged them.
It could be family, friends or neighbour. You hear people say, “Handina basa naye” (I have nothing to do with him/her). While others swear that they would never set foot in that person’s house for various reasons stemming from unpleasant experiences or negative perceptions.
People such as these say “Iri gumbo rangu iri harife rakatsika pamba pako” meaning “I will never set foot in your house.”
Yet others say “kana ndikafa handidi kumuona parufu rwangu” (When I die she/he must not come to my funeral).
Silly as it sounds it is happening.
As a result they invest time and energy in ensuring that they remain true to their word.
Life being what it is one can never be sure what tomorrow holds for you.
The person that you condemn and cross out of your life could be the very person that gives you refuge.
One thing that I have learnt over the years is that people struggle with hurts and pains that they fail to let go.
They are waiting for an apology or they want to get even with the person or persons. As a result people tug along with burdens that they carry in their hearts causing them hatred and or bitterness.
There is a story that I heard about a teacher who was trying to teach grade three pupils about forgiveness.
She let the children recall all the people they dislike and for each person take a potato that they carry around for a week.
At the end of the week the children felt burdened and also repulsed by the smell of rotting potatoes in their bags. A good lesson indeed that demonstrates that failing to let go enslaves us more.
In the end the person who fails to let go is the ultimate loser. It costs time, peace and opportunity as one directs his/her energy to sustain the relationship in the negative. Why is it that people fail to let go or forgive. I always wonder whether it is something cultural.
I think dear reader you have observed how families are made to pay for the sins of their fathers or someone in the family at funerals especially of women. At funerals files stored in the head are opened.
It means that people especially women tell their kith and kin what they suffer at the hands of the husband, children and daughters in – law. This information is not for immediate use but to be invoked at death.
The question is to whose benefit? Was it a traditional practice to benefit family of the woman materially or it was expected and accepted to have issues against someone or some people at death?
What amazes me is why people wait for a death to occur to make right the wrongs.
Unfortunately some of the hatred and bitterness that people grapple with have been passed down from forefathers.
The issues that caused the animosity in the family or between families could be historical like in the story of the Shakespearian Romeo and Juliet.
The present generation could just have sketchy details of things that happened but still they maintain the grudge.
Have you ever noticed how some people thrive on keeping the negative memories alive?
Most of the time that they make reference to a particular person or family they identify them with something negative.
They stigmatise the person or even his/her family, “Uyu wekukudadirai pamuchato wemwana wake” (This one who snubbed you at her/his child’s wedding) or “Uyuka uyu anasekuru wekuvhurira mombe muminda yevanhu manheru” (This one of letting cattle out into people’s fields at night.”
I think people should learn from the English proverb that says “Let sleeping dogs lie.” Is there a point really of awakening things that create problems and cause a lot of pain.
I know there is a tendency in us to want an explanation on why things happened the way they happened.
Some years back I was wronged by someone very close to me. An apology was not even sufficient to give me peace.
I wanted to understand the motive. Unfortunately the explanation never came. The best that I got was “Hameno kuti ndanga ndapindwa nei” (I do not know what got into me).
For some time I struggled as I tried to come to terms with what had happened until I realised that I was the ultimate loser.
There are times that we are wronged but no matter how hard we press or wait for an apology it never comes. The perpetrator is often not bothered, to him/her life goes on or he/she might not be aware that he/she wronged you.
The question is should you brood over what was done or just make a choice to let go with or without an apology.
Once we make a choice then we can work our way through the pain, with or without help, until we find peace in our hearts.
There are people who say they can forgive but they cannot forget. Well, that is a world view. Over the years I have come to the realisation that forgiving and forgetting can be done.
I could recount all the words that would have pierced my heart with similar emotional intensity, the day it happened and many more. One thing for certain is it did not add value to my life.
In fact, it caused me more pain and strained relationships. I learnt a lot about forgiveness from my father. I used to believe that people should be made accountable for their actions.
This one time I thought it was time that some relatives who I felt had treated him unfairly and said bad things about him should be made to answer for that.
My father was very clear, he said to me “Iwe unofunga kuti Mwari ibenzi here?” (Do you think God is a fool?). I suppose he understood very well the Scripture that says “vengeance is mine.”
Let me say to you out there it is time to let go so you can find peace.
We can learn a lot from Jesus Christ especially that it is a week after Good Friday who managed to forgive his persecutors at the height of pain.
He did not condemn them; to him they did not know what they were doing.
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