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Oscar Pistorius

Beatrice Tonhodzayi-Ngondo
When a relationship is bad, people must learn to leave. When a partner is violent; we must accept to see the writing on the wall, agree to disagree and move on. This is what has been going on in my mind over and over since Oscar Pistorious was cleared of murdering his girlfriend, the beautiful and vivacious Reeva Steenkamp. We watched in horror and disbelief as the celebrity amputee was cleared of murdering that beautiful and well-groomed young lady.

Yes, the learned judge ruled that he may be guilty of other things but not murder.

I am no legal mind and am never going to attempt to be one.

However, I am enlightened enough to know that when one fires four shots at someone, they have one intention and one intention only; which is to kill.

I may not be the most romantic person either but I know one thing for sure. There can be no point when I forget that my beloved is sleeping next to me.

Who else but your partner do you nudge should you ever hear a funny sound in the night? Now when a young couple that is spending Valentine’s Day together can get to a point where one does not first check on the love of their life before shooting, does that make sense?

At the first sign of trouble; any normal person first wants to check on the well-being of their loved one.

Growing up, I can remember clearly episodes when thieves would scale the wall of our Highfield home.

Whoever would hear something first would scream loudly for our father.

Being the man of the house, he would jump out of bed, in his pyjamas, look for this big iron bar he kept in the bedroom and attempt to check out what would be happening.

I remember my mother following a couple of steps behind him, at times holding onto his waist, just to make sure he was fine. The two may have had an argument earlier on but when it came to the thought of danger facing her man, our mother would not disappoint.

At times you would hear her remonstrating with Baba not to go out, saying, ‘do not go out, munopondwa.”

That is normal.

That is what happens when you love someone. Or shall we say that is what happens when you are in bed with someone.

I hesitate to use the term love in this case because Pistorious clearly did not love Reeva. Over the past years, we have seen what a whimpering selfish person he is, crying to save himself from jail and not thinking of the woman he put six feet under.

I doubt he even cares what her family and friends are going through. The rest of us can just imagine. It must be hell. And it must be betrayal they feel after what the justice system in South Africa has done. We feel raped by the system as women and I am sure it is the same for them.

Reeva is not the only one we will talk about if the system continues to violate women in this manner.

I am thinking right now of the late Tsitsi Stacey Munjoma whose rapist and murderer has not been sentenced to date.

I am thinking of many women who have died at the hands of those who supposedly loved them.

People like the late Monalisa Chinomona come to mind. By delaying to deliver justice in such matters, the system is denying justice to women.

There are many who have been raped whose alleged rapists are walking right now. There are many who are also dead today because on top of a system that rapes women, they stayed.

From what I am gleaning about Pistorious from reading about him, he is a violent and temperamental man.

He likes fast cars and he likes shooting at things.

He was a bit insecure too. Reeva no doubt, saw his temper but guess what, she stayed. Unfortunately she paid with her life. It is not a fault or weakness.

It is just the way it is.

Many women stay even though the signs are always there. You think these guys who refuse to be dumped and go on to kill themselves, the partner, children and anyone unfortunate enough to be nearby just lose it that once?

The signs would have been there but the women stay.

It is worse when women have nothing to their name and rely on the man for everything. They stay. Consequently they die. Consequently they are maimed for life. Or they get hypertension, HIV and other health conditions.

There are too many women who are hanging on because they have no other option or because the only way they can be something (in their minds) is through staying even when it is no longer safe or healthy to do so. Just imagine if she had left? She might have been here today.

Just imagine if you too leave?

Frankly if a relationship shows some violence tendencies, it is time to walk. There are problems in life and the majority of them can be solved through talk and compromise. With violence however, what can we talk about?

We need to be a people that abhor violence in order for us to be safe and healthy.

When we let those who violate women’s rights walk about, as has been done with Pistorious, we continue to say a woman is not important enough and it is perfectly acceptable to beat, rape or kill her, whichever takes the fancy of those that commit these heinous acts.

Woman, time has come to value yourself. It is more important to be alive than to be called “Mrs.”

Being poor may be better than staying with a rich but violent person. There are good men out there who do not shoot or harm women.

But only those who walk may find them. Hanging onto harmful things in the hope that one day things will change does not work. You may not be there to see that better day.

Men and women were created to love each other and not to harm and fight each other. If in your relationships, there is more harm than love, it may be time to walk. In walking may be the difference between life and death.

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