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Dr Masimba Mavaza

Several Zimbabweans in the Diaspora have experienced incidences of mental breakdown that have led to messy divorces and spousal murders. 

An estimated 79 percent of marriages of Zimbabweans living abroad experience at least one episode of infidelity, during their unions.

Studies show that more men than women cheat, but they often do it for the same reasons. While infidelity is a factor in many divorces, half of the marriages survive after an extramarital affair.

A discussion on what drives people to cheat and how infidelity can affect children and the whole family remains a topical and timeless issue. 

Infidelity abroad is equally spread between husbands and wives, who often have varying reasons. 

Even though men are often the culprits in Zimbabwe, in the Diaspora women appear to have taken the lead and quite often, it is difficult to tell which women are likely to cheat. There are many reason why people cheat, but the most prevalent ones are the cultural changes and working patterns in the Diaspora. 

The economic dynamics where women now earn better than men, have seen an increase in cases of infidelity. 

By the time they crawl to their bedrooms, egos of the emasculated men would have been battered and bruised, if not totally destroyed. The stress associated with settling bills and the insults they get because their salaries are less than those of their wives make it difficult for men to satisfy their partners in bed. 

Women then ditch their Zimbabwean men for West Africans who claim to be good in bed. They choose to look after those men than to look after their husbands. This becomes a breeding point for infidelity. 

It is not only women who cheat, but men also cheat out of frustration.

Of course there would always be cases of men who cheat even when they are getting everything at home.

Danmore Sithole who is a project coordinator at OPAM Common Purpose South Croydon, England, United Kingdom is an elder in the church and claims to be a highly spiritual man. 

He arrived in the UK around 2009 to join his wife who was already working in that country. 

On arrival in the UK, Danmore was excited by the bright faces of the British ladies. He started having fleeting moments with multiple ladies. His wife quickly picked up the scent and found out that her husband was finding comfort elsewhere. 

Danmore’s wife was devastated as she tried to reason with him, but he did not stop his philandering. He started spreading falsehoods and malicious rumours about his wife. The wife got fed up and called it quits to protect her sanity and her children. 

She removed Danmore from her visa and he became an illegal immigrant. 

In order to get a visa in the UK, Danmore became a political activist with MDC and claimed asylum on the basis that his life was in danger in Zimbabwe. 

He even lied that his parents were killed by war veterans and he was a victim of political violence in Zimbabwe.  To support his claim, Danmore picked on lawyers who were aligned to ZANU PF, spreading malicious messages about them so that he could go to the home office and claim that he could not be assisted because of his political affiliation.

Danmore was later granted asylum. With his stay in the UK now firmly secured, he goes to the Zimbabwean High Commission every Saturday staging demonstrations to vilify Zimbabwe and soiling his country in a bid to get a visa. 

Meanwhile, he has not stopped his philandering, and as I pen this piece, Danmore has gone through 10 break ups with ladies and is now living with his next “victim.” 

There are many Zimbabwean men like Danmore who are crushing the hearts of innocent women and blaming politicsfor that. 

Apart from charlatans like Danmore, several men do cheat and claim that they still love their wives despite cheating.  

It is a fact that most men still love their wives even when they cheat.

They just cheat to boost their confidence, having gone through episodes of ridicule by their wives for failing to adequately provide for their families.

Men who cheat would not have fallen out of love, but they would unsatisfied and disenchanted-for that period.

“Cheating usually occurs in the phase of companionate love, when couples begin to settle down, have kids and solidify the life being built together,” says clinical psychologist Andra Brosh, PhD.

While they’re fulfilled in some areas, like being a provider, the romance may be missing.

“We often think of women complaining about a lack of romance, but men feel it, too”.

They frequently suffer in silence, believing they cannot get what they want from their spouses.

Cheats do not generally pick up random women in bars. They normally cheat with childhood sweet hearts or their wives’ friends. 

The relationships usually begin as friendships. In fact, more than 60 percent of affairs start at work, or at church according to Focus on the Family.

Husbands feel more unconnected to their partners and more connected to business partners or friends. 

Spouses miss quality time as bedrooms are turned to courtrooms and budget delivery houses.

Women get married to their jobs, compete on fashion, splash their pay cheques and forget their marriages. 

As a result of this, frustrated men cheat to save their marriages.

Men love their spouses, but they do not know how to fix their relationship problems, so they go outside their marriages to plug any holes.

Men want it all and have the skewed notion that another woman would make the longing for something more disappear.

Then, they can live happily ever after with their wives — and their mistress — without confronting the real issues.

This has fuelled cheating by men.

They try to deal with romantic chaos by creating a chaotic situation.  

In most cases men hate themselves after these affairs.

You may think of cheats as men without morals, but while they may like what they do, they tend to despise themselves after their indiscretions.

Women make the fatal mistake of believing that men cannot go anywhere until they are gone. 

It should be noted that women cheat just as much as men, and their affairs are more dangerous.

They cheat with impunity and the husbands are the last ones to discover the affair.

It is true that a wife may discover that her husband is cheating, but the husband takes long to realise that his wife is cheating. 

So the key is prevention.

The fact that we are far away from home removes shame from couples. They are not answerable to society, so their marriages become vulnerable. 

Without external help, marriages become endangered.

The Diaspora community is horrified by cowards like Danmore who cannot control their lust and still blame women and their countries for their shenanigans. 

In our next article, we will discuss the Diaspora men who congregate at the Zimbabwe High Commission blaming Zimbabwe for the breakup of their marriages. 

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