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When you are first told that you are no longer employed there is a tendency to blame yourself.

But it is important to realise that things happen that are beyond your control. It is okay to feel down for a while.

It is important to allow yourself the opportunity to mourn or grieve. I have come across many people who liken the loss of a job to the death of a loved one.

Some people may scoff at this suggestion. People suffer stress and anxiety after losing a job. It bears a close resemblance to the same sense of loss felt when grieving.

It is healthy to have a mourning period, even if you were not overly keen on the job. Maybe you will miss the social side, the money, the lifestyle or what I find most people feel they are losing — their identity, or who they think they are.

At this time fear starts to enter our thinking. What will my friends think? Am I a failure? What will happen to my children? What will happen to my relationship? Will my partner still love me?

Without embracing and understanding fears, we allow them to grow. It is important to know that fear is a natural and healthy emotion. It is what we do with it that matters.

A favourite quote of mine is: “Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed.” (Michael Pritchard)

What do we do? Professional career counsellors and outplacement firms begin their programmes with an in depth examination of “Who am I” and “What is important to me”.

This is usually done with the use of some type of personality scale such as the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, or The Insight Game or DiSC profile. This exploration is often fun and interesting. When coupled with a self-assessment of your values (what is important to me), it can really assist people in understanding themselves, what they want out of life and how to overcome fears.

Some people in times of crisis need to be surrounded by positive people who are kind and nurturing. Other people require time alone.

What the majority of them all need is the factual advice to help them move forward. However, people can react aggressively to the offering of a kind and helping hand, without the practical assistance to follow it up.

Take time to grieve and get reacquainted with who you are, and what you want out of life. Take care of your physical needs. Eating appropriately with sufficient exercise is just as important as taking care of our spiritual needs.

People retrenched years ago have thrust themselves back into work without allowing themselves time to grieve or to understand what they want out of life.

Many have wandered from job to job without being able to stay in one place for some time. Their fears and doubts have grown so they live with despondency every day of their life.

It is difficult to move forward when still in the grieving stage to realise that the future is still there. It could be as good as the past, and often better. Many people when looking back have realized that it was an opportunity to re-assess and change to something better.

Those who experience professional outplacement or career guidance will embrace professional job search training. Regardless of who you are there is no shame in needing assistance with job search. You may have been an expert in your past role but that does not mean you know how to get a job.

Even senior managers often need help in putting together a professional resume, and gaining interviewing skills. Everyone should get professional advice when they are first retrenched as they need to address their personal feelings and needs.

Unfortunately professional outplacement has only been for those that can afford it or by having their previous employers bear the cost. There are many things that you can do that do not cost a lot.

There are on line tools available for free or little cost, and whilst they are not as comprehensive as getting professional support, they can help. — Careerone.