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But God, this our God – our Heavenly Father — at times has a way of doing things, whereupon, some people are given big bodies and small brains, the size of a full stop.
You only get to know their brain size when they open their mouths to speak.

In the village, knowledge is like a garden: if it is not cultivated, it cannot be harvested.
Here, only a fool looks for dung where no cow has ever grazed.

Tomorrow, at midnight, the cock crows and when it does, the Seventh Parliament of Zimbabwe will breathe, the last.
As this villager writes, the Seventh Parliament is clinically dead and on life support.

Attempts to resuscitate it is akin to an impish attempt to paint the air.
It will not happen.

For this Parliament, death on June 29 is as sure as the sun rising from the east and setting in the west.
Fortunately or unfortunately, some legislators are by the death of that Parliament, kissing goodbye to the August House.

To some, it is good riddance to bad rubbish, while others will be sadly missed.
The past five years have seen an uncharacteristically hung Parliament where no one political party enjoyed a majority and consistent with such legislature the world over, you expect nothing good.

Expecting anything good is akin to expecting honey from a fly.
The good thing though is that Zimbabweans learnt a lot from the last Parliament, both in terms of investing in the wrong people as legislators and in terms of yoking a donkey and an ox, for they pull differently.

A parliamentary majority is therefore a necessity for any political party to be able to implement its vision.
A few legislators were outstanding for their brilliance, others simply dosed off and remained perennial passengers.

Then there were those numb skulls that did nothing more than harming their reputations, shallow personalities who dwelt on trivia.
Morgan Femai, in defiance of the grey hairs and wire-brush beard on his otherwise respectable-looking face, gathered his whole energy and wits — or precious little of what there is — and told a conference on HIV in Chitungwiza that women must bath occasionally, shave-off their hair, dress shabbily and get circumcised to make them less attractive to men.

Surely the gods must be crazy that we have such madness being uttered at a serious policymaking indaba.
And it is coming from a party of excellence or is it not sexcellence?

Even the chicken, dogs, and donkeys in the village laughed at such a suggestion.
Had the organisers of the indaba known, they would have sent Femai skinning the goats for their stew while they deliberated on real issues.

Our women had climbed out of the Rhodesia mantra where they were denigrated, dehumanised and forced to play second citizenry and 30 years after independence, someone thinks they should go back to Rhodesia.
Why take our women back to Rhodesia.

What Femai said is exactly what was happening to black women in Rhodesia, while the white ladies led in fashion.
Femai must know that we must allow our women to promote their beauty and dress competitively with those in other countries.
Why should we make our women feel or look inferior?

This is taking the country back to Rhodesia, where black women were mere instruments of reproduction.
It is better to keep Femai and those of his kind goat- skinning than participating on matters of state and governance.

In the village, it would be a misnomer for the daughter of a crab to walk straight on her fronts, when all her parents walk by the side.
In MDC-T, there was hyper excitement about sex and a critical dearth of logic in Parliament!
What is it with sex and MDC-T?

Why was there a preoccupation for the bizarre and the unthinkable?
We in the village are simple enough and modestly educated, but we are neither unreasonable nor stupid.

We are not simpletons.
So he actually forces his own woman — or women — to shave their hair and dress shabbily so that they don’t attract other men?
And Femai was quite amenable delving into dirt?

But did he think our civilised women, the fairer sex, would accept that?

They won’t.
And did the honourable senator realise that HIV infection is not about how a person looks, but what you do between the sheets or even grass or under the trees?
It’s about contact, human contact not the dresses, the hairstyles and bathing.

Unless he was suggesting the end of the natural and necessary game of mating, Femai seemed to think women are objects.
Femai could tell us how scientifically sound his wild idea is. Where did he do the tests and how can the theory be replicated?
Suddenly Zimbabwe is the talk of the world.

Papers across the world are running away with the story hailing from the most literate country in Africa.
What cheek!
What insult!
What bane?
Once people like Femai are in power, the women of Zimbabwe in particular and the people of Zimbabwe in general must certainly brace for a buffet of silly rules, regulations, policies and laws.

That was the legacy left by Femai in the Seventh Parliament.
For the record, Femai is not the only one from MDC-T to give us wild suggestions regarding HIV and sex.

Sithembile Mlotshwa, the MDC-T Senator for Matobo, suggested that Zimbabweans must be limited to one sexual encounter per month.
Men, she said, should be administered a drug that reduces libido.

During a separate debate, she asked the Government to provide prisoners with “sex gadgets” to discourage homosexuality.
There she went, a whole senator.
Hail the Seventh Parliament!
Another MDC-T legislator, Thabitha Khumalo, campaigned for the legalisation of prostitution claiming that could help the fight against Aids.
She said they should not be called prostitutes, but “Pleasure engineers!”

That, from a grandmother?
Things like these would make one to start with a very frightened “Hezvo!” Hezvoko! Bwa, bwa . . . one time!
This villager tends to pity the people who elected such representatives and grieve the money taxpayers paid for their participation in Parliament.
How about the foreigners that funded MDC-T with the hope of a better Government?

A Government of Sexcellence!
Back in the village, the soothsayer, the autochthon of knowledge and wisdom, predicted the next Parliament will be different.

There were light moments in Parliament, Uzumba legislator Simbaneuta Mudarikwa of Zanu-PF admired one Bulawayo Central legislator and MDC-T Deputy Chief Whip Dorcas Sibanda and surely, who said beauty knows political boundaries?

“When I see the Deputy Chief Whip, I don’t see a Ndebele woman, but I see a beautiful girl,’’ said Mudarikwa, drawing laughter from fellow legisla-          tors.
Despite efforts by the Speaker to make him withdraw his statement and that he refers to Sibanda as an honourable member, Cde Mudariki insisted that she was beautiful, although he withdrew the utterances.

Earlier in the other day, Cde Mudarikwa had said in the house that he wanted to teach Sibanda computers, ahead of anyone else, as he showed his affection for   her.
Then the Prime Minister Tsvangirai, a non constituency MP, had his love life spilling into the courts and the house.
Nothing more can be said, as people know what happened.

It was the legacy of the Seventh Parliament.
Is this the Parliament we wanted?
I chug my coke!