Zimpapers Logo

Dr Masimba Mavaza
Correspondent
After the article on this space last week, I received a number of calls and e-mails.

I responded to all the e-mails and my heart sank as I read horrible stories from a couple of abused men in the United Kingdom. I could not believe the stories I read.

This week, with the permission of the  victims, I have selected two stories we will share. All the stories are very true. The names have been changed to protect the children involved in these narrations.

James Matambo from Northampton, UK curses the day he left Zimbabwe for England.

Marvellous, his wife, had left Zimbabwe earlier for England. She left James with their two children, Tashongedzwa and Taremekedzwa.

During the time James was in Zimbabwe, Marvellous would send money monthly for the children and their father. The money was more than his salary.

Marvellous would always phone and promise James that they would soon be together in the UK.

Like every young couple, going abroad was an achievement so James had prayed and fasted for the day to come.

After five years, James’ prayer was answered. He was finally going to be in England.

Within months, everything was sorted and he went to the United Kingdom. James was so overjoyed and promised himself that he was to make it in the foreign land.

Within two weeks, James got a job and everything seemed well. However, it always seemed to be a calm before a storm.

“I started noticing some problems at home. My wife became so sensitive to anything. Each time I would ask for my conjugal rights, my wife would refuse. We started having fights and she would tell me to come home early.

“If I got home a few minutes late, my wife would make a scene,” said James.

A domestic abuse survivor, James describes how he felt isolated from friends and family and felt like he was going mad.

“I was not allowed to invite friends to the house. Each time, I would be reminded that I was in England because of her. I had been working for just over three months and I did not drink at all.

“One day, I got home 30 minutes late and she got really mad at me and she called me a lot of names. She even pushed me against the wall and slapped me twice. I got really scared.”

James said on another night, she came home with a Nigerian man and said he was her work mate. They sat for two hours and then she told James she was accompanying the visitor to the car.

“I peeped through the window and I saw them kissing. I went outside to confront the Nigerian guy but he said he would beat me up and go with my wife anytime.

“At first, I sort of laughed because I thought he was joking but then I realized he was serious and I got angry. I tried to push him away from my wife.  I got back into the house confused and angry. My wife followed me and screamed on top of her voice accusing me of ruining her best chance of promotion at work.

“She said she was going to have me deported and slapped me twice on the face. I was so angry I wanted to eat her alive but the fear of police stopped me from reacting.” James said.

Marvellous went upstairs shouting unprintable words and after about 10 minutes, he heard a knock on the door. He opened to see two policemen standing in the doorway. They asked if he was James and he replied in the affirmative.

Before he knew it, James was already in handcuffs. Police took him to the station where he was kept for two days before he was released without charge.

He was told to go and stay away from home but he knew no one in the UK.

“I realised I was in trouble. The only option I had was to ask my manager if I could sleep in the guard room. I spent a week sleeping at my work place.

“I could not share my plight with any one. I was embarrassed to let anyone know I was being bullied by my wife who was being unfaithful.”

After seven days, he was allowed to go back home and on arrival, he saw the same Nigerian guy without a shirt.

“I summoned all my strength and held the man by the collar. I wanted to squeeze him to death but my wife started screaming, accusing me of being a lazy and spoilt man.

“She hit me with a broom and I let go of the man. While I was trying to calm my wife down, I saw police arriving. As police entered the house, my wife started crying saying that I had hit her.”

James was dragged outside and bundled into the police car and taken down to the police station.

To his surprise, this time he was charged with raping his wife. His wife’s boyfriend was the star witness!

“I was taken to court and was denied bail. I stayed six months in remand prison pending trial.

During the trial, the boyfriend had moved on to another woman and told the court that James not raped anyone. He was duly acquitted and taken to a temporary shelter while waiting for a council house.

“My wife had me put in jail because she wanted time with her boyfriend. My plans are now in ruins and I am not allowed to see my children. My life is now a wreck. I am in so much pain and the system in the UK favours women and men are punching bags. I am  filing for divorce and fighting for custody of my children.”

Amus Shumba from Manchester said: “When my wife finally admitted that she cheated on me, I was so shocked that for a few  hours, I couldn’t even speak.

“My best friend was sitting on our couch staring blankly into the ceiling. He was the man cheating with my wife. I had always suspected that my wife would always convince me saying he was only a friend of mine and she would never stoop that low.

“I will soon be going back home to Zimbabwe. I have been abused and told to shut up or I will rot in prison.”

George Matambanadzo  also shared his story.

“A few days ago, I was checking e-mail messages on my laptop and I saw that she left her mailbox open. I noticed a lot of e-mails from one of her male colleagues whom I had met a few times before. It was instantly suspicious.

“To my disbelief, I discovered that they had been having an affair for more than a year. She told me she would call immigration if I tried to do anything.”

Matambanadzo is now staying with friends away from the wife and kids.

Many men are suffering in silence because they are afraid of being deported if they stand up for their rights.

According to Fox News, statistics show that about 50 percent – 60 percent of women have admitted to having an affair in the UK.

Most of these are foreigners who are overwhelmed by the new freedoms they get in the UK.

Dr Herbert Kawadza a lecturer at Wits University in South Africa said: “Even if your wife had a one night stand or a seven-year affair, the moment of discovery is one of the most shocking, painful and soul-crushing experience you will ever have in your life.

“This crazy cocktail of rage, loneliness, devastation, jealousy, shock, insecurity and utter humiliation follows you 24/7 where ever you go.

In an advisory, Dr Martin Dhlamini said: “In a desperate attempt to avoid the humiliation and heartbreak, you will try to put on a brave face. Tell your wife how her cheating has made you feel.

“Even if she insists that it didn’t mean anything and she never really loved the other guy, tell her how much you’ve been hurt and that you need space and time to figure out how you are going to handle it.”

The economic condition in the African continent makes men stay longer with abusive partners.

Nowadays, it is not only the women who are abused. Changes on roles and increased economic power for women have made many men suffer in silence.

Next week, editor allowing, we will talk about the divorce rate among Zimbabweans in the UK.

Get in touch on e-mail [email protected]