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Kaelin Choto-Correspondent

French writer Voltaire (Francois-Marie Arouet) once said, “God is a comedian playing to an audience that is too afraid to laugh”. 

The long and short of it is that God presents us with satire in life, but as a people we are too serious to enjoy the deity’s sense of humour.

The democratic process becomes a discipline where people would want serious and astute individuals to partake for the development of communities and general livelihood. 

This is regardless of common statements such as “all work and less play makes a Jack a dull boy”. 

We certainly cannot be too serious about life, because indeed nobody gets out of it alive anyway.

The level of orderliness Zanu PF is showcasing as it prepares to host its primary elections, one would think perhaps the harmonised election dates have been proclaimed by President Mnangagwa. 

Last week saw the guidelines for the party’s internal polls being published both on social media and mainstream media. 

Aspiring candidates are all over the media making their presence and ambitions known.

These are interesting times. Fellow age mates, rather classmates, are partaking in these polls. 

My primary school classmates running for public office, haibo, I cannot take off my eyes from their campaign material.

That was to be my first fascinating fact about these internal polls. 

Jokes come in stages, remember there are laughing gags and then mockery. 

I had to laugh at this new turn of events in my life. 

Thanks to Zanu PF for this experience, the youth taking part in decision making processes, competing with the “old guard”. This is what they would call equal opportunities.

This is certainly progressive satire, I am sure we are agreed.

Enter Citizens Coalition for Change (CCC). 

These are the ambitious lot, trying to re-invent democratic processes by creating these hedge-like strategies like the biblical Pharisees used to do. 

The Pharisees created laws around God’s rules, such that one had to break the ring law before breaking God’s rules. 

They would then apprehend or reprimand perpetrators before they actually sinned.

Funny, it was, right? Ultimately they lost the plot and ended up trying to control Jesus in the process. Is this not funny?

This is certainly akin to CCC’s machinations not to hold an elective congress. 

They say the congress would give Zanu PF the impetus to rig or influence their processes. 

The CCC created the community consensus strategy, which turned out to be a complete reversal of the entirety of the democratic process. 

They literally sought to reinvent democracy.

Such kind of mockery to the democratic processes is just unfortunate. It is funny that a party that considers itself a government in waiting actually considers this move as a strategy. 

Instead of facing Zanu PF head on, they are now busy fire-fighting and fighting amongst themselves. 

The seed of mistrust has certainly outgrown their strategies, with that party’s Matabeleland region leadership mobilising “pure Ndebele” people to represent CCC despite indications by Nelson Chamisa to hand-pick and use general consensus for the selection of candidates.

Opposition politics thus ultimately becomes a joke at the end of the day.

One would seriously need a break from serious planning, development and progress by Zanu PF. Thus God gave us a very confused opposition at the command of Chamisa, who often touts God is in it more than it is necessary.

One would think Egypt Dzinemunenzva was or is the best political joke in Zimbabwe, but CCC takes the trophy for institutionalising political comedy. 

To make matters worse, when they are quizzed about the plan of action and how the strategy is not making sense; they then assume their strategies are yielding.

Sun Tzu’s “all war is based on deception” has certainly been taken to another level. 

These CCC guys are grossly deceiving themselves and have since moved from complacency mode diving deep into believing their own lies and propaganda.

As the polls inch closer, internal squabbles and uncertainty continues to grip CCC. 

There is wanton disregard of Chamisa’s calls for people to stop campaigning until he nominates the candidates.

Meanwhile, Zanu PF’s glory train continues to gain traction. Last month, Flitch Solutions predicted the party’s white wash victory over                    CCC. 

Recently, the Pan African Forum Limited of Kenya published its Zimbabwe’s poll survey where President Mnangagwa emerged as enjoying popular support at 75 percent, while Chamisa trailed him with 19                           percent. 

The survey indicated that on party choices, 69 percent of the 3 110 respondents who partook in the study preferred Zanu PF over CCC, 27 percent of the respondents chose CCC over Zanu PF.

The writing is clearly on the wall, Zanu PF’s victory is certain. It certainly needs no astronaut to read the stars and foretell this obvious victory; CCC is in it for divine jokes.