Why Zanu-PF won Election 2013 Mr Tsvangirai
Mr Tsvangirai

Mr Tsvangirai

Tinomudaishe Chinyoka
I WRITE as someone that has previously written, and been known as a supporter of the MDC. But, I guess in this life we are all allowed at least one mistake, and mine was to think that despite having a brother and a sister that went to Mozambique to fight for our country, I knew better. I did not. You will hear a lot of rubbish about rigging and ZEC that and voters’ roll that, but, speaking as someone that was on the other side, the MDC lost this election because politically, they are naive.
Their naiveté is not helped by the fact that they are led by the stupidest man this side of heaven.

Because of this fact, which I believe he is aware of, Tsvangirai has gone about decimating his own party, removing anyone that was intelligent or could connect to the people, and all the while hoping that this would keep him popular.

It did not. He rigged his own primaries, rigged his own congress, sent delegations to rig elections in the Diaspora for their assemblies, and now, because that is the only way he knows to win elections, assumes that when others win, they must have rigged.

As evidence of this “rigging”, he wails, “ohh, how could we lose Manicaland? How could we lose Masvingo? Surely it must be because the vote was rigged.”
What hubris! The man shows blatant disrespect of the very people that he wants to vote for him, and thinks they should still, do what?

Vote for him? You dress down an old lady in Rusape for daring to ask you questions about rigging your own primaries, telling her to shut up because vakuru vari kutaura, and think that people will just stomach that because, why?

Because you fought for this country, suffered horrendous detentions and then brought them years of prosperity until the West sabotaged your plans for their own ends . . ., wait a minute, that’s the other guy!

You were a pawn of the Settler government, giving them tea while they talked about “terrorists” and you probably agreed with them. So who are you to call yourself vakuru and dress down old people in public?

You go to Rusape and tell your own candidate that because you have done a deal with Simba Makoni, your candidate must stand down, and think that your people will just say “yeah, chef”? What on earth are you smoking? Because I sure would love to try that blend!

Then you turn around and say you lost because there was rigging! Come on people! Am I the only person laughing here?
At the risk of repeating oneself; the business of any political party is to gain political power, and once in power, to keep that power. The MDC has to work for it.
Claiming that you are the only game in town might make for a good sound-bite, but it is just words, which disappear like a puff in the wind.

Zanu-PF is not going to suddenly roll over and let the MDC take over, nor should it. That would be a betrayal of its people. Yes, its people. They actually exist. Millions actually, who actually like the party and vote for it, and who need good reasons to leave it.

Millions that the party has looked after, agonised over, worried about and wooed through targeted campaigning which has no insults. I even know a lot of them. My aunt, whose five sons went to fight for this country and are now all dead bar one.

Her husband. His second wife because her own son went too. Their relatives because they all knew Simbarashe, Tungamirai, and the others. My brother and my sister because they are war vets. My other brother because he was a mujibha and reclaimed (not invaded) a farm, and now owns 20 acres of land.

Then another person’s aunt. And her relatives. And another person’s brother, sister, tete, mainini, sekuru, muzukuru we-mukwasha, and another, and another.
On and on until they outnumber any number of red shirts in a stadium being told that a 90-year-old can’t be President. Since when? Well, he is now, is he not? And, he is 89. Learn to count!

The MDC went into this election without a plan, without a slogan, without a prayer in hell of winning.
Flashing stupid cards with a 90 on them, in a country where our culture reveres age because it is a sign of wisdom, just shows that your campaign is being planned from Whitehall in London and the State Department in Washington DC.

The President, uncounted degrees and copious knowledge intact, humbles himself and goes to attend an Apostolic church service, and you mock him?
Because he did not seek to make himself bigger than these people but chose instead to respect them? Then you complain when they vote for him? Please, somebody pinch me that I might stop laughing.

Your opponent comes up with a 51-49 plan, which seeks to restore our wealth to the people, and you denigrate it because you don’t want to lose the support of your donors and the friendship of the Selous Scouts and Rhodies in your party, even though the policy would enrich your own supporters?

You don’t answer that argument by saying hee-e, we will not follow this indigenisation action or whatnot. Because hee-e, we have Juice and CoSEZ. Juice will give you jobs, Juice will give you human rights, CoSEZ will give you better elections.

Yeah, right.
Someone comes around and says I am taking resources from foreigners and giving them to you, and your answer is some foolish childish slogan that sounds like you are selling lollipops?

That’s just telling people that you don’t care. Hee-e, we will do a land audit, hee-e, “The MDC’s jobs plan entitled Jobs, Upliftment Investment Capital and the Environment (Juice) is a comprehensive plan for the generation of decent jobs that will not only end poverty but also empower citizens.

Juice advocates for a Broad Based Economic (BBE) upliftment of citizens by expanding people’s choices in attaining sustainable livelihoods not through asset striping and looting.

“Zimbabweans who are committed to sustainable development know that our society can do better if we can combine job creation with durable human upliftment, sustained investment capital and respect for our environment.”

Well, so we know you can’t spell “society”, but please! People want food on their table. They want to send their children to school, and see those children make money. They want clinics that work.

The other guy just promised them a way out, a tangible solution, and you start waffling about comprehensive plan this and sustainable livelihoods that?
Save that for your donors, when you go to those swanky hotels that you like to go to and get little girls pregnant, but please, tell us how the other guy giving people land or a mine is not such a good idea, will you?

Nanga nanga naMai Mugabe! Hee-e, that interview with Dali Tambo was an embarrassment! Yeah, to you and your sponsors for peddling this lie that she is not intelligent when the truth could not be further from that statement.

The woman was poised, confident, reverent when she needed to be, respectful when the subject required, and above all, very, very honest and just plain natural.
You just looked and thought “I wish that was my mum”, then smiled as you realised, but she is!

I could watch that interview 20 times and still want to see it once more before watching Elizabeth stumble over a nine-letter word that a grade 5 child would breeze through.

And please, do you know that old man at 1 Borrowdale Road you insult so much gave us all free education and free hospitals from 1980 until the IMF and the World Bank cut the tap in 1999 in order to effect regime change by stealth and put their puppets (you) in?

So please, when you insult him, remember that we have mothers who will always vote for him because they think he is the reason why we all went to school.
That is your plan to win back my mother’s vote, my aunt’s vote, insulting the man they like? You cannot think of something better?

Full disclosure here, I have taken a shot or two at the President myself, for which I will apologise to him in person if I should see him a third time, but that is because no-one voted me into anything and I am not campaigning for anything either. In a free country, we are allowed to air views as citizens.

I can air my opinions with no thought to win votes, but those who seek to remove him from office might think about airing their plans a little bit better than they do their idiotic opinions.

And act better too.
You don’t go about having US$200 000 weddings without inviting questions about where you got the money from and why you don’t want others to get it by sharing the cake.

And while having such weddings is not in itself a bad thing, and one I don’t condemn at all, (in fact with all that money spent on it I wish I had been invited too), but it does make your own criticisms of the other guy seem infantile at best or, more likely, just plain stupid.

You don’t pay US$150 000 in an out-of-court-settlement to silence a former girlfriend without inviting people to think that you might be out of touch.
Chickens do come home to roost you know.

You certainly, definitely, do not go around making teenagers pregnant then make them suffer the humiliation of having to prove that your sweaty, 60 something year-old piece of lard was ever on or even near their beautiful and innocent bodies without alienating a good number of fathers who worry about fat rich old men prowling around their daughters.

That whole thing was so grubby, so dirty, so revolting that as a father of daughters I wouldn’t even hold a pen with a bargepole to vote for that man.
Yuck! Running around like a headless chicken announcing you have won, then turning around and calling the election invalid minutes later is symptomatic of rank stupidity, not leadership.

One minute you are announcing to the world that you wish to thank these millions of people that have come out to cast their votes, then a few minutes later after you realise you lost you turn around and say, “wait a minute, where did these millions come from?”

Please! What on earth are you smoking?
No, this election was not rigged. Morgan Tsvangirai lost it fair and square. Because after 2008, when the votes were so close, Zanu-PF went out to campaign while he went to Germany and made a fool of himself in front of the world media, acting more like the buffoon that he is than a representative of our noble country.

While Zanu-PF campaigned village to village, he was holding the GNU to ransom because his Rhodie friend Bennett wanted to be Deputy Minister of Agriculture, and his supporters thought, what is this now?

While Zanu-PF did their homework and studied voting trends so as to target areas where their vote was low, he was busy chasing teenagers like a horny toad on steroids.

While Afrobarometer was reporting that support for the MDC had fallen while that of the President had increased, he was busy practicing his steps for his wedding while his ministers shunted different women before him so that he could decide which one he was going to have the wedding with.

We thought he made Makone Minister of Home Affairs, without realising which “Home” he meant!
When Freedom House came with a report saying he was now on 20 percent support, while the President had doubled his own support, he was again busy holding the GNU to ransom so that he could appoint two of his girlfriends as ambassadors, perhaps so that they were out of the country and wouldn’t be an issue at his wedding to one of their number.

Letting his libido run his decisions, and still dreaming of becoming President. Someone should have told him that you do not just wake up and become President, you need to have certain qualities.

But, who would tell him that? Surrounding himself with relatives and friends, picking DJs with zero political experience to stand for elections against a seasoned political party, insulting the President on personal grounds and not on substance at every rally, then hoping to win?

Then, at the last minute, realising that the game was up, knowing how unprepared he was, he runs around claiming that the Constitution this, the Constitution that, fighting to prolong the GNU because he knew he would lose. When that failed, he runs around now saying ooh, it was rigged.

Please. Someone take this fool and give him some medication!

Tinomudaishe Chinyoka is former president: University of Zimbabwe Students Union; former president: Zimbabwe National Students Union; former secretary-general: University of Zimbabwe Students Union, and PhD Student, History of Land Law and Political Science, UK.

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