Where does one draw boundaries?

Fadzayi Maposah Correspondent

The article from last week triggered discussion.

There are many pregnancy buddies and “investigators”. The investigators are self-motivated.

The investigators are out there to investigate who is pregnant, who is not and why!

Remember that privacy is power, what people do not know they cannot hurt.

Other people opt to keep their feelings to themselves and then they are just regarded as being quiet.

I believe that even the people who are regraded very quiet, talk when in some circles and others become very quiet when they are around certain people.

Believe it or not, there are some people who will vouch that I am a quiet person and others will look at them wide eyed and say inwards: “Fadzi? Fadzi Maposah?” the level of disbelief is so high because they consider me to be a chatterbox……

I have discovered that there are people who are interceding for people who do not need certain prayers.

Not that I am saying that prayer is not right or needed.

I am just saying that there are people who may not require the prayers that you are constantly presenting before God. One of the reproductive health rights is the right to decide whether or when to have children.

This is a right among many that others infringe upon.

There are some family members who expect an individual to get pregnant on day one, no within hours of getting married. They expect that the next time that they see you within a quarter of the year, you are throwing up, not because you ate something that was not cooked properly but because you are pregnant.

They may just celebrate your throwing for a short season and then feel disappointed when no bulge goes public. Or they could just treat you like a very fragile woman the next time that you see them.

When you try to get up, they will ask quickly what it is that you need and will joyfully get it for you.

When these people do not see a bulge going public, they can just assume that you lost the baby.

They will give you time to recover and start looking out for pregnancy tell-tale signs. Assumptions are dangerous and draining.

I was telling colleagues not so long ago that there should be recall of some of the qualifications that people have.

You see these people that expect others to get pregnant within hours of getting married know science, remember the fertile period that we learnt in biology lessons?

It is not like a woman is fertile every day of her life. There are days when there are high chances of getting pregnant and days when fertility hits its lowest and we do not have the same fertility levels.

Others can be considered highly fertile while others have fertility levels that may need some help.

Come to think of it how many people upon getting together actually visit the doctor and ask to have their fertility checked? In most instances people will visit the doctor after they have tried for a considerable time and there is no pregnancy.

Others may opt not to visit the doctor, accepting that they will not have children.

If you have been trying for a baby and nothing has happened yet, visit your doctor or the nearest facility and get the proper counselling. No two cases are the same.

A male colleague always shares during reproductive health rights training that he had his whole church on its knees and maybe even fasting when he got married and did not have children within two years.

The elders even had the guts to tell him that they were worried as a church and that they would have the couple on prayer at all times.

Boundaries, where does one draw the line? Is it not right to wait for someone to reach out for help?

Or some people so stuck in their problems or challenges that they do not know that they need help? Also can you not pray for someone without all the intricate details regarding their life?

Someone thought that she had developed a serious abdominal problem only to get to the doctor and be told that she was pregnant!

While others shed tears of joy upon getting a positive pregnancy result, the loud cry she let out was one of shock. She said during the first trimester, she cried and cried.

She had thought she had reached menopause and since she had not had her period for some months, she had taken out all contraceptive pills.

She did not have adequate information regarding menopause. By the time she was in the third trimester she had become prepared for the baby and was actually looking forward to having it.

When the baby was born she had to contend with people who told her that she had a beautiful granddaughter!

After almost four years of marriage, one couple had a baby. There were relatives who called from far and wide. Some called to say that the baby was an answer to prayer.

Whose prayer?

Some said that they had not slept well in years but now that the baby was here, finally they would get some sleep as they had been worried if their relatives were barren and how they would cope with being barren?

Could their marriage handle the strain? Is it not even to just congratulations, thankful?

Do the congratulations need to be validated with additional statements?

Where is the boundary line?

Are people even sure of what should be said and what should remain unsaid? Is it possible that there is an inner circle that knows everything and that you are not privy to such information because you are in another circle?

Pregnant couples, individuals and parents with babies already have immense pressure (never underestimate hormones!). At times just being kind and cheering on without invasion of privacy is the best support you can give!

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