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Social media users should be ethical

Ignatius Mabasa Shelling the Nuts
Once upon a time, our communities had eyes that saw things on behalf of everybody living in them. These same communities had values that promoted love, peace and unity just as God intended man to live.

They did not allow one to see his brother’s ox going astray and ignore it.

You had to take it back to your brother and if the brother did not live near you, or if you did not know who he was, you were supposed to take the ox to your home, until your brother looked for it and you returned it to him.

This law of God is what gave neighbours the power to confront and censure bad behaviour such as adultery, because they would be protecting a marriage they solemnised as witnesses.

Neighbours never interfered in one’s private affairs, but merely discharged their duty of being keepers. Unfortunately, we have allowed change to decimate and scatter us everywhere. As a result, most of our people are becoming islands and bad behaviour is now tolerated as a sign of one’s individuality.

One behaviour that is as old as prostitution is gossiping, makuhwa in Shona. The Shona knew the destructive potential of makuhwa, hence graphic idioms like rurimi inyoka (The tongue is a snake), guhwa harivake musha, rinotyora mbariro kuita tsotso. If gossip is equated to a snake and can break wooden rafters into faggots, it means it is as destructive as the devil himself.

The Shona valued the family without distinguishing the immediate from the extended. They also believed in regular family meetings for a home to function well. They believed in clear communication, sharing of information and exchanging of ideas.

Today, we have very little of that as families. Rather, we feel good and buoyed in the company of strangers on Facebook and other social media.

Gossiping is generally defined as the casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details which are not confirmed as true.

Traditionally, gossipers in Shona society were notorious for visiting other people’s homes very early in the morning on the pretext of asking for burning embers to go and start their own fires. Today we no longer ask for burning embers from neighbours, because each person can now afford to buy their own box of matches, while the majority is using electrical power.

But, this change in lifestyles doesn’t mean we have stopped unconstrained conversation. We have become flooded with information in various forms and we do not know what to do with it.

I am perplexed by people who as soon as they wake up in the morning, reach for their mobile phone. Forget about brushing teeth, using the bathroom or taking a bath — their mobile phone is what lights up their day. They will not be checking the time, but will be reading, creating and forwarding messages.

For me, mornings are quiet times, times to reflect on the day ahead without being rushed. Yet, among us are individuals who visit other people’s homes to disturb their peace and quiet very early in the morning with another form of unconstrained conversation. Is it a sign of our loneliness in this fragmented society of ours that causes us to get on the phone and start texting messages even on cold winter days like the ones we are currently experiencing?

I know that Mother Theresa said the poverty of being unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the greatest poverty, but for me, unconstrained and disruptive mobile phone conversations early in the morning is not a sign that I am loved.

I hate it when people think they are doing me a favour and add me to social media groups without my consent. I hate it when people I don’t know and even those that I know, think that they should show that they like me by forwarding messages on my phone very early in the morning.

The best place for wasting time wallowing in shallow and self-centred conversations meant to massage certain people’s egos is on some of these social media platforms.

This is the problem with misdirected social groups which have not defined or agreed how, when and what messages to post or share. Some social media gossipers show signs of mobile phone addiction. They can send you messages as early as two o’clock in the morning about a tired joke that you heard three months ago.

There is need to exercise restraint. Indeed, some mobile phones have become bad mannered just like their owners.

Like Mother Theresa beautifully put it, we need to find God and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature — trees, flowers, grass — grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence . . . We need silence to be able to touch souls.

For me, mornings are not times for stampeding like a herd of confused wildebeest running away from a pack of wild dogs. Mornings are a special time to think, reflect and stalk those ideas that eluded me the previous day. Mornings are special and sacred times.

They remind me of undisturbed clean, clear and cool water in a well or water fountain. If you have been to a well very early in the morning, you will even hesitate to disturb the water because it will almost be motionless. The water will be as clean and clear like a glass.

If you dip your water container to draw water, you will realise that you will have woken up the sleeping beauty and disturbed it from meditating. Very early in the morning, the well will be without any ripples or flotsam and jetsam. The well does not upset itself, it is disturbed by those who go to draw water early in the morning.

My mornings are not for people to forward messages that have nothing to do with adding value to my life. Mornings are not the time for random invites or group messages that get unconstrained lol’s and kikikiki responses. Mornings are time to wake up, to read your Bible, to bath, to dress, to have breakfast, to help prepare children who are going to school.

Mornings are my time to pray and talk to God, to thank him for a new day and ask him to prepare me for the challenges ahead.

So, I don’t like intruders that don’t know a suitable time to forward something that was forwarded to them with an instruction that if they don’t forward it to 20 other people in the next two minutes something terrible will happen to them.

That is nonsense and God is a God of love and not of blackmail.

The blackmail business is also done when some people you respect decide to add you to a group without telling you what the group is about, who else is in the group, or what the etiquette for the group will be.

Guerilla groups on WhatsApp are most annoying and I have realised that the best action to take if you find yourself having been added to one, is to quickly and without apology remove yourself. One friend of mine was once added to a guerilla group and because she had put her phone away to concentrate on work, when she checked her phone 2 hours later, she found that her battery was very low and the phone was polluted with 103 messages.

I now switch off my phone after 9pm and switch it on the following day after 6am. Even though this is a personal decision to help me manage my time and my life, I still get people who accusingly ask me why I was not reachable on my phone or why I was not available to chat when I was online.

Personally, I write late at night and early in the mornings.

Morning ideas are like manna which is the name given by the Israelites to the food miraculously supplied to them by God during their wanderings in the wilderness.

If any was kept over till the following morning, it became corrupted with worms. I feel that I am productive if I can write and reflect before my thoughts are corrupted with worms that come from poisonous tongues and random kikikis that do not add value.