The hard side of being practical

Fadzayi Maposah
Correspondent

The taste of the pudding is in the eating.

What does this really mean? It is loaded with much meaning. Some things are better experienced than just reading the theoretical side or making observations.

I once shared that at times theory is not the best alternative when I related the story of one mother who thought she was ill prepared to talk to her 14- year-old daughter about menstruation.

She felt the heat coming on since two of her daughter’s friends had started menstruating.

She seemed clueless in terms of how to begin the discussion. The fact that she had been delaying the talk for years had only compounded issues.

It was like ignoring a tree for years then one day waking up and deciding to uproot it.

The roots will have become firmer and much more difficult to uproot.

I read an article entitled “Eat the Frog first!” In short the article emphasised the importance of doing the things that you detest first. Once that is done, one is motivated to do the more pleasant tasks that need to be done. As a result of this approach, the to do list is soon with many more ticks.

I can relate to this woman and the task that she had.

Talking to adolescents is not easy. They will either look at you blankly or will occasionally change the expressions on their faces so fast that you cannot read the meaning. Or they will leave you to talk, emotionless, acting as if they have been frozen!

Adolescent drama! Then you look at the child and you wonder who exchanged the adorable small child you had for this individual that you always seem to disagree with.

I suppose when one has adolescents, everything they do not want done, they should just say it can be done.

Adolescents are at that age where they just want to go against the set rules!

It can be so frustrating and at times it appears that they get some joy in seeing adults frustrated.

It can be hurtful and even stressful having to deal with adolescents.

Most adults, parents and guardians, endure adolescence rather than enjoy it. When a child leaves adolescence, parents and guardians take a sigh of relief!

Back to the lady who had to have a menstruation talk with her teenager.

She said she chose a time when it was just her and the daughter at home.

When she said she wanted a moment to talk, the daughter gave her a questioning look.

The mother then explained that she wanted to talk about menstruation and got another questioning look.

She said she was taken aback when her daughter then said she knew all there was about menstruation.

“All?” the mother asked.

“Yes,” the daughter replied rather defiantly.

She was put off by how a 14-year-old who had never menstruated could say she knew all there was to know about menstruation.

The mother stood her ground, she was determined to have that talk and get it done with once and for all.

Nothing would derail what she had planned.

She was not going to entertain any frustrations from her teenage daughter.

She said it was not easy, one part of her wanted to blow up and ask her daughter to sit down and listen to what she had to say.

One part of her wanted calm and peace so that the conversation would proceed peacefully. She chose peace over war.

Summoning all the energy within her, she said she was able to say calmly to her daughter , “Please share what you know about menstruation.”

Her daughter looked surprised at the request and proceeded to ask, “Why Mamma?”

“I just want to hear what you know,” the mother said calmly.

In a short space of time, the daughter had taken a white sheet of paper and a mighty marker. With no words uttered she indicated to her mother to come to the little desk and chair that is in the corner of their lounge.

When the mother was seated, the teenager started drawing in quick strokes.

She said initially she could not make head or tail of what the quick strokes were creating. Then as if by a magic wand, she saw a female reproductive system on the paper. When she looked up to see what expression was on her daughter’s face, she said it simply said, “I got this!”

“Now let me explain how it works Mamma,” the daughter said calmly.

When we talked, the mother shared how she had been awed by her daughter explaining how the menstrual cycle works and what menstruation is with the aid of the diagram that she had drawn.

When the mother thought the daughter had finished, the girl began to explain why some women experienced period pain as the material that will have lined the uterus wall makes its way out of the body.

The daughter ended her presentation with the importance of changing sanitary ware regularly so that one remained dry and comfortable.

What the mother had dreaded ended up being a very nice interactive session with her daughter who later told her that all she had shared was from one of the school clubs that she was a member.

The teacher responsible for the club had taken the members through that discussion after realising that so many girls lacked basic information regarding menstruation.

It was wonderful seeing the relieved mother`s face. What she had imagined as being a daunting task had instead been a learning opportunity for her. While she had spent days worried, her daughter already had information!

Everyone is important, rather than seeking to tell others, we must always be willing to ask “What do you know about this issue?

When the answers come, we can build upon that information and in the process have meaningful discussions that contribute to healthy relationships.

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