Zimpapers Logo

Bar Talk with Bra Gee

The day on which we honour our mothers across the globe is around the corner. But there are women who must not receive any token of appreciation on this day. We are talking about women who use children to fight their love battles. Women who are bitter that they lost out in the love stakes and want to use their children to score against the enemies. A woman who appears not to know that one day her child will grow up with the taint of the whole sordid mess. There is no mother like that. If we had a proper social services system the child would have been removed from her care the moment she made that report.

What justice?

Okay sticking with the topic now we know why the justice system is clogged with backlogs. How the hell do people spend our tax dollars trying to prosecute someone for a crime that they have not established? Surely if you are going to stand trial for theft it is prudent for the cops to establish that some goods actually went missing? Surely if someone is going to stand trial for wilful transmission of HIV it would make sense to establish that the supposed victim really is HIV positive?

Slick spin

Okay let me tell you my story. I was the chosen one. It was clear that my day was coming. It was only a question of when and not if. Right until the moment when it became clear that I was out I never really believed that I would find myself in the cold. So when the door was slammed behind me I did not have a back up plan to deal with the cold world out there. So I went away to lick my wounds and allow my handlers to convince me that I could make a silk purse out of a pig’s ear.

I am a woman who can bide her time. When my dear departed husband was alive I was publicly a perfect wife. It was only after he died that I came out to talk about his skirt chasing proclivity and showed my vicious side by mercilessly cutting his non-resident kids out of the picture. Do they think I suffered so that they could step in and inherit what belongs to me and mine? That is why I have now taken up the public persona of the devoted, devastated and heartbroken widow hell-bent on revenge against some shadowy characters that I will not name because they do not exist.

The time away from the public eye was also meant to create a distance between me and my former comrades. Now I can tell you that they are black hearted devils without expecting you to ask me to explain why I stuck with them until they chucked me out. But wait, I said I left and was not booted out, you understand. What do you mean why did I not leave earlier before they showed me the door if I had discovered that they are so evil? What do you mean that if I say they are bad it would be a case of the pot calling the kettle black?

Remember the Julian Assange powered revelations? Of course I was not astute enough to realise that was the beginning of the end for me. But anyway that is not the point. What I want you to realise is that I have not turned my coat but am now only revealing my true colours. Once I am in power I will simply sit back, chop my money and let the white people do as they wish. That is what I told the ambassador when I had tea with him at my farm all those years ago. And he believed me. Because I am a simple village girl who will do as she is told, having discovered that without strong support I am nothing.

And all his brethren do too, thank goodness. As you can see, they are doing handsomely by me because I will listen to everything and anything they say. Why do you think when I broke my silence I started by talking to a UK paper as though there are no journalists right here? Because I needed to report to my masters of course. Now that fellow with the pitted skin will have to come with his hat in his hands because he knows that his former funders are now backing this horse. He will have to eat humble pie and own that I am the big sister. Now all you have to do is wait to see how I am going to avoid going the same way as he did once it was revealed that he was just a coconut puppet, hiding white interests under pro-black rhetoric.

Last call: Selfie danger

We know that there are many regulars who have become addicted to selfies and will try to outdo everyone so as to get the most likes on Facebook or whichever space they occupy. Here is a cautionary tale:

Man accidentally kills himself ‘while taking selfie with a gun’

It wasn’t the first photo the 43-year-old Concrete, Washington resident had taken with his gun. But it would be the last.

The Skagit Valley Herald reported that the man, who officials did not name, fatally shot himself in the face while attempting to take a selfie with what he thought was an unloaded gun.

The man’s girlfriend, who was with him when the gun went off, told authorities that the pair had taken several selfies with the gun throughout the day. The man unloaded the gun before each photo session, then replaced the bullets when they were done.

But before the final photograph, he apparently left one bullet inside the gun.

The man’s girlfriend was with him when he died, Skagit County Sheriff’s Office Chief of Patrol Chad Clark told the Skagit Valley Herald.

Police are investigating his death as accidental.

Washington man is not the first to accidentally shot himself while taking a selfie, or even the first to die doing so.

Last fall, a 19-year-old from Houston died while taking pictures of himself with a gun and posting them on Instagram. He too thought the gun was unloaded when he held it to his head for a photo, police told KPRC.

It’s been reported that more people die while attempting to take selfies than in shark attacks.

At least 27 people died in “selfie-related” incidents around the world last year, The Post has reported.

The problem seems to be worse in India than anywhere else: the country was home to half of those 27 deaths. To confront the apparently growing public health hazard, the Indian government decided to ban some selfies outright.

No-selfie zones have been established around some large religious gatherings (where organisers fear that selfie-induced bottlenecks could lead to a stampede), beaches, ledges and other treacherous spots where narcissism might turn deadly.

In Russia, where a woman almost died after inadvertently shooting herself while posing for a photo with a gun she had found, Russia’s ministry of internal affairs published a brochure instructing citizens on safe selfie habits.

“A selfie with guns kills,” read the warning next to an image of a stick figure holding a camera and a gun, slashed out by a red line.

“Along with all the advantages of the modern world there appear new threats,” Russian official Yelena Alekseyeva said at a press conference, according to CNN.

“We would like to remind the citizens that the chase for ‘likes’ in social networks can lead to the road of death.”— The Independent

Till next week, bottoms up!

Email: [email protected], Twitter: @brageesbar, Facebook: Bra Gee