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Lynn Murahwa

Lifestyle Correspondent

Sanel Mupaya is an accomplished blogger helping thousands of mothers to feel comfortable breaking the bias of motherhood.

There is no question about it, being a mom is hard work. We know that it is rewarding and the little ones make it all worth it. But truth be told, it can drive you crazy at times.

Society has put an incredible amount of pressure on women to be the perfect woman, a Stepford wife, and so many women feel like failures because of these impossible standards. As we enter March, Women’s Month, we meet an inspirational woman who is not afraid to break the bias while helping other women to do the same.

When I  first met Sanel, she walked into our office beaming with confidence and excitement and her energy instantly filled the room. Sanel is a South African woman living in Zimbabwe, a marketer by profession and a full-time mom and wife.

I asked Sanel why she would opt to live and raise her family in Zimbabwe, especially when so some people are clamouring to leave.

“I am married to a wonderful Zimbabwean man, whom I met in South Africa. From the onset the plan was always to settle in Zimbabwe. At first I was a bit nervous, moving to a new country, I didn’t know what to expect. Now that I am here, I absolutely love it.

‘‘It is the perfect place to raise our sons. The people have been so warm and welcoming, everywhere I go and that has made the move so much easier.

“One of the biggest adjustments for me was getting used to the multi-currency system. Having someone ask me how I was paying for a loaf of bread was new to me, and I’m not that great at Maths, so doing all the conversions was so interesting. Zimbabweans are amazing people for doing all of this with ease.

Sanel and her kids

“Moving here has made me more creative. I have started recycling with my gardener and have even started gardening. I never used to garden, but every home here has a garden and that’s fantastic.

‘‘It is the most fulfilling thing in the world to literally pull something out of the ground that you have grown then eat it! The kids have gotten involved too, learning practically about plants.”

The anxiety of moving to a new country coupled with being a stay at home mom would be enough to send most of us into panic mode, but Sanel has taken it in her stride, fully embracing her role and all of its wonderful complexities.

“I love being a mom, it is good, it’s bad, it’s ugly and beautiful, but the most important thing is that it is a journey, one that is unique to everyone. It may look simple, especially if you go through my Instagram page, but it can be very difficult.

“There are days that I struggle, especially when the helper is not around. I can rush off to the bathroom and cry because I feel so overwhelmed, but I made a very conscious decision very early on that this is what I wanted, to be here for my children.”

Housewives are sometimes seen as people who have it easy, I mean what can be so difficult about being at home and playing with kids all day right? However, it is a 24/7 job with huge responsibilities.

“I live by schedules and routine, something I took from my workspace. It can be difficult to get into the groove at first, but once the kids know what they are supposed to do, when to do it, it takes a load off you and makes for a smoother process.

‘‘I even have my own KPI’s and set goals just to help me keep track of how things are going in the household. It is important to note though that flexibility is just as important because children need that too,” she added.

The nostalgia that mothers feel when the reminisce over their former lives often leads to guilt, but Sanel says there is no need to feel guilty because we all miss a time when we had less responsibility and could wake up at any time without having to do a daily meal plan.

She even looks back at the time she opted to go for a night out with friends, the same day she moved to a different city. All before buying a bed or getting situated.

The night ended in hilarious fashion — on the side of the road in a twice broken down car.

Only to get back home well after daybreak and have to share a bed: “I mean, if I have a hectic night I at least want to collapse in my own bed.”

A difficult feeling that many mother’s feel, quite early on into parenthood is battling isolation. It is quite common to feel closed off to the world because your entire world has shifted to caring for another human life or lives.

Without a support system, it can be daunting and may even lead to depression or resentment. Sanel encourages women in this position to try find other swho are in the same group as them.

“I struggled to find my clique of friends and that was difficult, but eventually I began to mix with the other moms at my sons’ school. When the kids become friends then the parents automatically do too.

“There are times I miss being in a professional set up, interacting with other professionals on the same level and that is why it is important to not lose yourself.

‘‘Find something that you are passionate about, that you can do without putting yourself under pressure. I use my Instagram page for just that, it is a space where I can express myself creatively.”

The Unapologetic Housewife page has become a community where women come to discuss motherhood, to vent their feelings, to ask for advice and just for the company.

Sanel chose to become a housewife and stay at home mom, well before the children arrived because, “it was important for me to be there during their formative years.”

Not all women have this choice but she says that it is all about your attitude towards yourself.

Once you accept the fact that there is no perfect mother and that even the roles between partners may not always seem fair, be kind to yourself.

Every day is different, what worked like a charm yesterday may be a total disaster tomorrow and that is okay.

“Take notes from the learning curves and celebrate every win,” she says. Great advice!