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Laina Makuzha LOVE by DESIGN

Dating and marriage are both forms of romantic relationships, but they have distinct differences, which when understood, can lead to more fulfilling relationships and less misunderstandings or lament about the ‘death of romance’  for instance.

Last week I had planned on discussing  deal breakers and red flags in more detail. However, a couple of questions asked this past week inspired me to touch on the differences between love expectations when dating and when in marriage.

In a person’s romantic journey, these are two significant stages, each bearing unique qualities when it comes to love. In this article, we will explore the differences in how love is experienced during dating versus marriage, shedding light on the transformative journey that unfolds from courtship to lifelong commitment.

Excitement of dating

Dating is an exhilarating time when love blossoms, fuelled by passion, anticipation, and possibility and is a time of ‘searching’’, assessing, exploring and discovering what one really wants. Early in a relationship, love is often characterised by intense infatuation and romantic gestures. Expectations and demands of dating are not as intense. The thrill of exploring a new connection can create a sense of adventure, stimulating our emotions in ways we may never have experienced before. Every interaction feels fresh and exciting, shrouded in the eagerness to get to know someone deeply.

However, in the dating phase, love can also carry a tinge of uncertainty. We are still getting to know our partner, which may lead to insecurities and doubts. These uncertainties can make love feel more elusive and fragile, as we strive to build a strong foundation based on trust and understanding.

Steadfast nature of marriage

Those getting into marriage, on the other hand, need to recognise its steadfast nature. Marriage signifies the deeper commitment two individuals make to each other. It is a lifelong journey where love evolves, deepens, and embraces a stronger sense of companionship. Unlike dating, the love within a marriage is nurtured through resilience, patience, and shared experiences, making it more profound and enduring.

Within a marriage, love often transitions from an initial, all-consuming passion and euphoria,  to a sense of unwavering support and comfort. Couples develop a profound understanding of one another’s strengths, weaknesses, and quirks, creating the space for unconditional love and acceptance. The love within a marriage grows stronger through facing challenges together, overcoming obstacles, and building a shared life filled with memories.

Here are some differences to note especially if you are contemplating marriage:

Commitment: One of the primary differences between dating and marriage is the level of commitment. Dating is typically a more casual relationship, where two individuals are getting to know each other and exploring compatibility.

In dating, commitment may be more fluid, allowing for exploration and self-discovery. Individuals have the freedom to prioritise themselves while entering into relationships with the intention of discovering compatibility.  Marriage, on the other hand, involves a higher level of commitment, as it signifies the intention to build a life together and usually involves legal or religious recognition for some.

Communication: Not to be overlooked, communication is a key ingredient which serves as a vital pillar in both dating and marriage, although each stage requires unique skills. In dating, communication may focus more on the surface level; sharing interests, dreams, and goals. It is an exploration phase where individuals uncover each other’s values and perspectives.

Marriage demands a deeper level of communication as it involves sharing responsibilities, conflicts, and dreams for the future. A partner may for example,  share a vision that both will need to understand fully and invest their time and commitment to. The love within a marriage thrives on open, honest, and continuous dialogue that helps partners grow together.

Communication in marriage also involves skills in conflict resolution, compromising, and finding common ground, reinforcing the love bond.

Exclusivity: Depending on the nature and terms of the dating phase, some dating individuals initially agree to the freedom to see and date other people simultaneously, unless stated as a serious relationship. Marriage, however, implies non-negotiable exclusivity, where both partners agree to be faithful to each other and be in a monogamous relationship.

Legal and Financial Implications: Marriage is a legally recognized union that often comes with various legal, financial, and tax benefits in some cases. It includes rights and responsibilities such as joint ownership of property, shared financial responsibilities, and potential spousal support or alimony in case of separation or divorce. Dating generally does not entail these legal implications or shared financial responsibilities.

Long-term commitment: While dating relationships can be long-term, they are generally not assumed or expected to be lifelong commitments. Marriage, on the other hand, is often considered a lifelong commitment, implying that both partners have the intent to spend their lives together, facing challenges, sharing responsibilities, and supporting each other.

Social recognition: Marriage is more socially recognised and carries greater social status. Married couples are usually seen as more committed and stable within society. Dating relationships are often more private and may not have the same level of recognition or societal expectations.

Emotional connection: While both dating and marriage involve emotional connections, the level of emotional investment and depth of connection may differ. Marriage usually emphasises a deeper emotional connection, as it involves building a life and supporting each other through highs and lows.

Decision-making: In a dating relationship, decision-making is generally more individualistic, with each person making choices independently, and joint decisions are more optional at this stage. However, in a marriage, decision-making is usually more collaborative, as partners make joint decisions that impact both individuals and their shared life together.

Both dating and marriage have their merits, and the progression from one to the other allows love to transform and mature. Understanding the differences between dating and marriage empowers individuals and couples to appreciate the unique qualities of love at different stages, nurturing long-lasting relationships filled with love, support, and companionship for a lifetime.

It is also important to note that these differences between dating and marriage may vary across cultures, societies, and individuals, but it helps to know the difference in order to have practical expectations and demands of each other in relationships.

You are welcome to share your views, experience or observation regarding today’s topic, including other differences you can think of, as this article is far from being exhaustive.

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