Lobola in modern society Traditional wedding attire

Kundai Marunya Lifestyle Writer

It so happened that one day I was travelling to visit a friend in Lusaka and I sat next to this beautiful lady, a cross border trader.

A bit chatty she was, that I was forced to close my novel and give her a chance at conversation.

We discussed different topics until our conversation took us to marriages.

I quickly indicated that I was tied to someone to avoid any misinterpretation of my unpleasantness.

Questions are thrown around as to why, young as I am, I do not wear a wedding band.

I am a believer in keeping tradition.

Traditional wedding attire

A white wedding to me is a repetition of the rites that we perform at customary wedding ceremonies.

Not satisfied with my response, she suggested rather why not skip the traditional wedding for a white wedding.

Both weddings require a huge budget; white weddings costing from dressing to venues, transportation, entertainment, decorations and cakes, among other things.

Some of the costs have recently been adopted at traditional ceremony; thus the dressing is equally good and expensive.

Cakes and decorations are another major addition that has made the traditional ceremony equally lively.

But the biggest expense is the bride price (lobola) which most charge in US dollars.

Instead of paying each segment as one goes thus, vhura muromo, makandinzwa nani on arrival, moving with stages, some have taken away this “complication” just giving representatives from their son-in-law a figure they want.

Cattle are now paid at cash equivalent.

The whole ceremony now seems like a transaction which is then celebrated at the end, usually with a party which the son-in-law is supposed to pay for.

Self-proclaimed traditionalist Sekuru Conrad Muunze said lobola was supposed to be a way of cementing relationships.

“Our ancestors had very good reasons and that is why lobola was done in stages, with different amounts charged on different items,” he said.

“They wanted their son-in-law to appreciate the process of bringing up a child, what it all entails and in the process have ample time to judge characters of the family their child is marrying into.

“The way we traditionally do things instils discipline, respect and honour.”

Sekuru Muunze said monetising lobola is an erosion of culture.

“When cattle were paid, they would replace those used in bringing up the girl child,” he said.

“Also, cattle multiply while money is shared and spent, and there is nothing to remember the good thing one’s son-in-law would have done in the end.”

There were times, at least I’m told, when our ancestors would pay their bride price with a hoe.

It was of significant importance in the emerging Iron Age as the hoe was an important instrument in farming, thus producing grain to feed one’s family.

Fast forward to centuries later, cattle became a viable means of payment, because again most tillage was done using ox-drawn ploughs.

There were also a measure of wealth as banks were not that popular among black Africans.

The process then moved to involve money, a tool of trade, it was embraced and now works along with cattle.

But because of modernity, which has seen many folks barely in touch with their rural homes, most families are now preferring cash equivalent for the cattle, some only giving an exception of mombe yeumai (mother’s cattle) which should be brought alive.

Some women are, however, finding the lobola issue objectifying.

They refuse to be “sold”, they believe it’s time for a change in tradition.

“They say the only constant thing in life is change and it’s time that change comes to the marriage institution,” said Nyarai Mashaya.

“The way our men behave has been changing over the years, we now marry on equal terms, thus men should not be forced to pay lobola.

“Lobola payment is a patriarchal system that puts men above us. It’s time to change that, let it go and let a new era where both sexes begin their marriage lives on equal footing.”

To fit in society and make their kinsmen happy, many women are now helping their spouses to raise lobola.

Some even out rightly give their spouses money to pay lobola.

Such was the case with Stunner when he married Olinda Chapel, or so it was reported.

“Giving one’s spouse money to pay lobola gets you on an equal footing with them, but I feel that’s just not feasible as many women do not earn much money,” Mashaya said.

“We should consider that most women in our country marry in their early to mid-20s, so it’s not always that at that age they would have made enough money to assist with lobola considering the dire economic situation.”

Though valid, Mashaya’s points are easily crushed with other women who are of the belief that once you assist or give your spouse lobola money, they will not respect you.

Tafadzwa Mupazviriwo said paying one’s lobola can be taken as desperation.

“By paying my own lobola, most men would interpret that as desperation, not an act of love or independence,” he said.

“I’d rather our elders do away with the practice or at least consider the economic situation when charging bride price.

“If they insist on keeping the custom then they should do it as a formality not a way of enriching themselves.”

The lobola question has been vastly discussed in local culture with many conclusions being drawn, but only one thing has been certain, it needs to be revisited and weighed on its merits to marriages.

The high prices weigh heavily on young couples who are out to build a life together.

If lobola was not to be paid, the money would be well used in establishing their financial base as it is of common knowledge that financial hardships have led to rampant divorce cases.

 

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