Use social media to build, not ruin families

There is so much to keep one busy on the social media

There is so much to keep one busy on the social media

Make a Difference with Bea
Harare is abuzz with talk following the leaking of a video featuring a Harare woman caught cheating being divorced culturally by her husband. It has been dubbed the Gupuro video. Those who saw the video, which has been shared on social media, will agree that it was in bad taste.

Seeing that woman howling her guts out in front of her father and husband’s people was just too much. But just ask yourself this; if it was too much for those of us who are just strangers looking into someone else’s drama with us being totally removed from the reality that her life is; with its recriminations and remorse at a personal level before we even go to the recriminations from family and those close to her; what was it like for the woman when she found out that those very painful moments of hers had been shared with all and sundry?

My issue today is not about the woman’s actions that led her to this moment. She cheated on her husband and that is bad. She got caught which makes it even worse because she ended up hurting many people. Cheating of any form is bad.

Whether it is cheating in business or cheating on the one you promised to love till the end of time; it is all cheating and it is very bad. Whether a man or a woman cheats, it is all cheating and is bad.

No one’s cheating becomes better than the other’s. When a man cheats on his wife; I have always said that shows that he does not love her. For how does one love someone and hurt them so much? How does one love someone and expose them to the risk of disease by sleeping with someone else whose sexual movements you cannot always control because the majority of times you will not be with them. But still; the men cheat and society has come to say it is the way of life.

The same applies to women. When a woman cheats on a man, she does not truly love or respect him. For how does one look a man in the eye and profess to love them?

But as we can see; women are also cheating although some experts call women’s cheating reactionary cheating usually caused by some disappointment or lack with the current partner.

True; life is a bit more complicated than that and it is not always black and white. People who cheat can actually turn out to be good people later on in some cases. There are some shades of grey in there where you find that people can make mistakes but later repent and turn over a new leaf. Some people also go through bad patches in their relationships but get past them and are able to once again have firm, sound relationships.

Thus some of these issues; couples have gone past before and can still get past today. While it seems incredible; there are many women who have forgiven their men for cheating on them and moved past it. There are also men who have forgiven their wives for cheating on them and moved past it.

But when matters are handled the way Faith’s issue was handled, can there ever be hope of going back? Faith is the woman in the Gupuro video. Her alleged cheating was exposed by H-Metro through her husband, who decided to take to them her chats with her lover.

After this, his family was apparently not satisfied that Faith had already been humiliated enough by getting caught and having her obscene and vulgar chats with her lover published for all to see in the paper. They decided to film her as she grovelled and pleaded for forgiveness in front of her father (a senior citizen who did not deserve this at all.)

They reduced her to nothing, which she may deserve in light of what she did to her husband but the truth of the matter is, these proceedings were private and should not have been filmed and shared with the whole world as has happened now.

Which takes me to this issue of smart phones and social media? There is real need for Zimbabweans to be wary of smart phones. Today an image, audio or message can be shared with thousands of people in an instant. Thus, people need to be very careful about the messages and images they share. You may trust someone with your images and messages but they could very well be the person that will destroy you.

Many have been left with egg on their face after relations sour and their former lovers share their nude pictures and other undesirable messages with all and sundry.

You have no business sending anyone nude pictures people. Why is it people can become so careless as to place all their trust in a gadget, which can be stolen anytime? Why have we become so obsessed with recording ourselves and taking pictures of everything and just pressing share? What happened to real relationship building where people sit down and have conversations — spending quality time together?

Who said these short and cryptic messages people spend so much time sharing on Whatsapp and other platforms are the real deal?

While Whatsapp is a fast, cheap and convenient way of communicating, today it has destroyed many homes. But it is us who have caused this. It is us humans because we corrupt everything we touch.

Today a family meeting which should have stayed within the confined space of the family home where a husband decided to traditionally divorce a woman after catching her in an adultery storm, has been shared across oceans and people in the United Kingdom, China and even more countries find themselves discussing it.

Is this how our elders did it? Did anyone ever bother to think of the children involved here? Now that it is circulating everywhere; they will see and know this side to their mother. Is this what the father wanted? How many men have cheated on their wives?

Was this ever shared with their children and the world?

While not condoning the cheating by the wife involved; abuse of women has never been as clear as it was in this case. Women are abused by men, systems, cultural practices and other women. By going to H-Metro first and then later calling on everyone in his family, the husband in question showed that he cannot sit down and communicate with his wife alone.

He must always have people around. The more he humiliates the wife; the better. What will he do when he decides to visit the children later? Because no matter what the wife did, she still is a mother to his minor children and they will have to talk at some point. Or had his family also forgotten that they share children with this same woman?

Food for thought!

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  • Nathan

    Why is it that Tonhodzayi did not condemn the public humiliation of Joice that the media ( read Herald) was doing. Faith’s video lasted less than 5 minutes and Tonhodzayi devoted her whole column to it and yet Teurai was shamed for several weeks. I am yet to see a single sentence in the Herald condemning it.

  • Nathan

    Why is it that Tonhodzayi did not condemn the public humiliation of Joice that the media ( read Herald) was doing. Faith’s video lasted less than 5 minutes and Tonhodzayi devoted her whole column to it and yet Teurai was shamed for several weeks. I am yet to see a single sentence in the Herald condemning it.

  • Nathan

    Why is it that Tonhodzayi did not condemn the public humiliation of Joice that the media ( read Herald) was doing. Faith’s video lasted less than 5 minutes and Tonhodzayi devoted her whole column to it and yet Teurai was shamed for several weeks. I am yet to see a single sentence in the Herald condemning it.

  • Murume

    Iwe Beatrice…she is lucky she is alive. Learn more Jongwe stabbed his wife to death. In other countries she would have been stoned to death. Usaite zvechinoz nezvemumafirimu.

  • Murume

    Iwe Beatrice…she is lucky she is alive. Learn more Jongwe stabbed his wife to death. In other countries she would have been stoned to death. Usaite zvechinoz nezvemumafirimu.

  • Murume

    Iwe Beatrice…she is lucky she is alive. Learn more Jongwe stabbed his wife to death. In other countries she would have been stoned to death. Usaite zvechinoz nezvemumafirimu.