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Isdore Guvamombe Reflections

There is no better way of showing hollowness than trying to tell the world that you know when you know nothing.

Back in the village, in the land of milk, honey and dust or Guruve if you like, information is valuable, yet pretending to know is considered by elders extremely stupid.

In the old days before the advent of cellphones and other modern-day information technologies, the word of mouth was paramount. Whatever news between and among people was transmitted orally, sometimes to overbearing ceremony, as in the case of heavy, foul news such as death, and sometimes light-heartedly by way of jokes and rumours at beer-drinking splurges.

And people would walk long distances to transmit various messages to villagers and “countries” yonder. Often, there would be a person well-known to bear the freshest bit of news and whether at a beer party or at the village well or washing place for women, the person’s presence would be awaited with bated breath. There was . . . woman And . . . man

Such was the nature of the communication back in the day — and it subsists to this day.

He who brings fresh news from other climes occupies an enviable place in the society. Sometimes it goes down to pure art, the art of story-telling, which makes heroes of some and quite fools of others. Think of the man who runs his way from his homestead thinking in his mind that he has juicy news for consumption at the beer party and he begins . . . only no one follows or approves . . .

It has been an open secret, what fool! . . . One such fool is Muckraker, a coward scandalmonger, who sees slander all over and this time around, targeting this villager, the slanderer announced what was already in the public domain.

It is shocking that in his last week’s instalment Muckraker sought to announce to all who cared to read that this villager, whom he refers to as “Herald staffer”, had been deployed to ZimTravel, when in fact this villager left The Herald in November 2013.

What delayed knowledge for one who claims to be in the know of everything? Is this not typical of the proverbial village idiot, who seeks to break the old open secret?

Back in the village, elders with cotton tuft hair would have said staying a long time in the water does not make you clean. There you are Muckraker! It is laughable, that 14 months down the line, you announce my deployment.

Karitundundu, the ageless autochthon of wisdom and knowledge, taught this villager that in dealing with a man who thinks you are a fool, it is good sometimes to remind him that you know what he knows but have chosen to appear foolish for the sake of peace. But this time around Muckraker, I will not hug a hyena to make peace. You are like a man of no sense, for, a man of sense does not go hunting little bush rodents when his age mates are after big game. Why should you waste all that valuable space in The Independent writing about my trademark hat when national issues beckon? Fetid!

There is no better way of showing hollowness than trying to tell the world that you know when you know nothing. ZimTravel magazine carries an Air Zimbabwe advert that shows a line of Kariba-bound cars blocked by elephants and encourages people to fly to Kariba, instead of driving. Great creativity, that is! But you see, trees never meet, but people do, Muckraker decides to deride the publication because, in his thinking, he has issues with Air Zimbabwe. And, stupidity, like a silent fart, soon announces itself through smell. Muckraker tries to link the hat that has been my trademark since I was 14 to the advert. How? Only a gay gangster can be forgiven for this kind of marauding behaviour.

Do village elders, with cotton tuft hair not say he who pelts another with pebbles, asks for rocks in return? Now this villager, who makes no apology for carrying the Air Zimbabwe advert, was told by a close friend that that veiled attack was sparked by an article on Africa Albida Tourism, where this villager rubbished the Eurocentric tourism concern’s pretence on animal rights. Africa Albida Tourism has over the years tried to portray itself as a fighter for animal rights yet their restaurant, the popular Boma in Victoria Falls, has kudu, warthog and buffalo among other wild animals on their menu. For God’s sake how many of these species have they killed to enrich their menu? One other thing taught to me in the village by my elders is that facts are stubborn.