Isdore Guvamombe Reflections
Back in the village, in the land of milk honey and dust or Guruve manhood is not having the biggest bamboo stick between one’s legs but the ability to use it.
And, yet, which man does not brag about the size of his manhood, no matter how tiny?
Well, this villager, the humble son of a peasant was quite amused by events at a recent rally in Gokwe Nembudziya where a female Cabinet minister responsible for Women’s Affairs is said to have distributed sex enhancing pills to men, sparking a stampede. It was a rare donation and worth it.
Wind getting to this villager’s ears is that the honourable minister first chased away boys still milking behind their ears, leaving behind supposedly married men, and as soon as the men heard she was distributing sex enhancing pills, men of all ages, the strong and the frail, all shoved, pushed and scrambled to get the blue pill, all to get the necessary prowess for the night that beckoned.
I bet that was the busiest night in Gokwe since time immemorial. What with the heatwave yonder Gokwe?
Heat or not heat, the act must be done, especially with artificial power.
Men, my foot, like proving their sexual prowess all the time and hardly try to prove their mental prowess. Wherever they gather, whenever they gather and whatever they gather for, that subject always emerges. It is the cynosure. The Gokwe incident reminded this villager of the numerous communal beer drinking binges back in the village this time of the year.
There, the subject, once throats get wet and the minds get oiled by the brew, is none other than sexual prowess. Even the village autochthons talk about it and bring to the drinking spree one or two roots, a pouch of powdered stuff and so forth.
The stuff is sprinkled into the beer or chewed in between chugs so that the medicine spreads with the brew as it gets to every corner of the body, especially below the belt.
This, those with cotton tuft hair say, makes night duty splendid, and each time a man performs well in bed after the beer drink, he is urged to go drink with other men again the following day. Whether this is true or false, it seems women whose husbands perform better after the beer drink always allow them to go and drink again.
But newly-married men also have their social standing at the beer drinking binges.
While village elders generally agree that they should never make an early morning appointment with a newly-married man, for while you stand by the roadside, he will be at it, biding the night farewell, there is always a gentlemen’s agreement to give the bottom thick liquid of the calabash to the newly-married.
The thick dregs, the village elders believe, give an added advantage to the manufacturing process below the belt.
Back to Gokwe, this villager, wonders what inspired the distribution of the pill.
That coming from a female Cabinet minister suggests that women in the constituency must have complained about their men failing in this critical duty.
Or the men might have requested the MP to boost their sexual prowess.
Giving it a deep thought, the Minister and the National Assembly Member for the area, Hon Justice Mayor Wadyajena must be the most popular people in the area. But the challenge is that as word spreads like veld fire, many men are now expecting the pill from the MP.
But this is no laughing matter. It is never a joke. Even in Harare, at every street corner you go now on the western side of Julius Nyerere Way, men and women alike, are now selling these pills in the open.
It has become big business. The pills are every weak man’s friend. Only yesterday, this villager drove to Fife Avenue Shops to buy a few goodies with his little earnings from selling road runner chickens.
As this villager pulled by the parking bay, there was a stampede by four or so women, all fighting to sell something. This villager noticed they were all selling sex enhancing pills and powders.
They had sleek tongues, exceptional marketing language and smiles from cheek to cheek as they tried to out-compete each other.
To get rid of them, I decided to drop a bombshell: “Can I use the pills with you? I can only buy from a woman who wants to use it with me!”
One of them quickly replied without hesitation: “Me, babamukuru!”