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Paper qualifications are not necessarily equivalent to any discernible ability on the part of the holder

Bar Talk with Bra Gee
With yet another night of turning around on the horizon who knows what is in store? Maybe cars that run without fuel? But speaking of turning around, we are reminded of Hosiah Chipanga’s comments about how so much of it leaves the victims, sorry we mean the converted, looking like they have been through a revolving door several times in succession.

Who am I?

It is not easy being a woman I tell you, especially when it comes to the cut-throat world of showbiz. A woman is at a serious disadvantage as men take advantage of you every which way, and I mean every which way.

So here I am, raising loafers from the dust and they turn around to bite the hand that feeds them. Remember my first protégé? I bought everything for him including underwear and made a star out of him.

What did he do? He soon began to think that he was better than me. Me, the woman who suffered to make him into the man child that he is today. But anyway that is life so I moved on.

Well, actually I had already been with my copycat protégé before that and the changes meant that I now only had one fish to fry. Too bad that one fish has not turned out as well as I thought and now it too has grown big headed.

But this time I made sure that my ownership of everything is clear. So once again I am off to learn new tricks. Or maybe I will just concentrate on my own (none)-career. Who knows, it may just become real. Sigh. A woman’s work is surely never done.

In the House

Someone wants observed that Zimbabweans are obsessed with paper qualifications that are not necessarily equivalent to any discernible ability on the part of the holder. And it was proved spectacularly this week in the house when one representative who only got his valued qualifications after accumulating several decades on this good Earth sneered at a colleague who never got round to it.

We are not here to support those who like to pelt teachers with stones sent flying from their catapults in the legendary David versus Goliath style. But we will take this chance to point out that from where we stand, this gentleman of the swollen head achieved his best work before he got the certificate that he is so proud of. Remember when he was entertaining, educating and informing us?

Shoot us for saying this but we declare that no one else who has come up in the industry since has ever produced such a flair for meshing with the kids.

What a waste that he decided to flirt with the corporate world before wading into the dirty world of politics leaving his real calling of raising the next generation. What a classic example of perfectly good talent ruined by paper education!

Miracles panties wanted

Miracle pens that write the exam for you. Wonders will never cease. No, it’s not the touting of the miracle exam pens and holy grounds that we find wonderful, stupid. It is the numbers willing to not only believe but waste good drinking money on such drivel. But come to think of it, who are we to question other people’s beliefs? After all we drinkers spend our lives and fortunes in search of that elusive nirvana that always lies at the bottom of the next glass.

But miracle pens? We would actually prefer that some enterprising prophet comes up with miracle panties. We figure out that these will only come off for the right parties thus they will make sure that the spouse remains faithful and we can quaff our drinks in peace. Because hey, the levels of hanky panky going on in all corners is simply astounding.

We heard of one prophet who promised that errant lovers would return and cheats would be exposed if the wronged partner used the miracle oil. We don’t know about you but we have yet to hear of a single person for whom that one worked. So go on men (are there any women?) of god and produce the miracle panties for us and you will see how we will flock to your churches and fill up the offertory bins.

With yet another night of turning around on the horizon who knows what is in store? Maybe cars that run without fuel? But speaking of turning around, we are reminded of Hosiah Chipanga’s comments about how so much of it leaves the victims, sorry we mean the converted, looking like they have been through a revolving door several times in succession. In other words they are no longer sure in which direction they were going before they turned around the first time.

Rumour mill

We hear that a certain cougar has been having a hard time on social media as people take her to task about her status in her man’s life. They are asking why she was not by his side recently when he was living it up and why he does not seem to endorse her claims that he is a taken man. Bra Gee understands that the lady frothed at the mouth but still failed to bring incontrovertible proof to the table that a relationship really does subsist.

All the losers wanted was for the guy to stand by his lady but his silence was deafening. We sympathise with this poor woman and we would like to invite her to the usual place so that we can give her the benefit of our wisdom on how to conduct oneself with dignity when a relationship does not pan out as we would like it to. Being well-heeled we are sure she will not object to doing the honours while we dispense our sagacity. And we are sure we can provide her with a more virile toy boy who will not be ashamed to be known as her personal property. Because we think this off layer label is rather unkind to her seeing as there is no evidence that the cockerel in question has ever successfully fertilised an egg before.

Why waste your spears on crows, dear lady, when guinea fowl are plenty in the forest? Why bother cry for toy guns loaded with blanks when real guns primed with deadly bullets abound in town?

Last Call: Illusions

What’s the difference between hallucination, illusion and delusion?

Hallucination is what dude has in mind. Illusion is what he shows and tells to others. Delusion is when people believe it to be true and call him a prophet. — Anonymous

Till next week, bottoms up!

 Facebook: Bra Gee, Email: [email protected], Twitter: @brageesbar