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Four of jailed Independent End Time Message leader Robert Martin Gumbura’s 11 wives arrive at the Harare Magistrates’ Courts

Bar Talk With Bra Gee
The elephant in the room
We are fundraising and are asking you to please contribute anything you can. We need to give a certain minister top notch aural wave conductors and high definition ophthalmic instruments.
We have concluded that the man responsible for keeping the horses in the high position in the urban dwelling must be visually impaired and suffering from a serious hearing impediment.

Otherwise he would no longer pretend all is well when it is becoming clearer each day that there is more rot in that place than in the bushes of Chitungwiza where residents dump the plastic bags filled with their bodily waste.

We are convinced that someone needs to pry the chamber pot open, and soon. Otherwise why would such an important man try to deny the blessings of the many years that the good Lord has bestowed on him and try to claim to be much younger than he really is in an effort to stay firmly stuck in the cesspool?

Of course he might have taken a course in gerontology during his tenure there in the US where aging is a crime punishable by death.
Well, dear honourable minister, no matter how you try to whitewash the whole sordid manner and continue in your unflappable manner, the elephant is there, bigger than life in the living room and it will not go away. In fact the trumpets are getting louder and turning into squeals.

Soon even you will have to hear them through the thick soundproof wadding that you have placed over your ears.

Ban unprotected sex first
The worst humans to co-exist with in this world must be crusaders for any cause.
These people are driven by an idiotic zeal for whatever pet pique they have adopted as they develop tunnel vision and one track minds. Take this week’s flurry over tobacco and the Zimbabwe baby elephants being sent to China.

One Nicky Campbell from BBC Radio 5 Live seems to really have a bee in his bonnet as he waxes lyrical about how he loves elephants and whatnot. Not that Bra Gee is up for the ill use of animals or anything like that, but it sure does sound weird for a guy to cry so loudly about our elephants while the mess created by his fellows in Iraq rages unabated.

Spare a bit of energy getting your government to stop the slaughter of the poor rag heads who are dying like so many fumigated desert flies every day.
Coming back home, we are bamboozled and flabbergasted by the mental processes of those calling for a tobacco ban when our very existence depends on the production thereof. If a person chooses to take of their clothes and have unprotected sex and gets HIV, you and I must be taxed to buy them ARVs.

But you and I should not be allowed to enjoy the pleasure of killing ourselves through the inhaling of nicotine?
Surely when it comes to the right to be foolish with your life no animal should be more equal than others?

It is enough to stop people lighting up in public places.
Wake up and smell the second hand smoke because right now the rest of the world is gradually unbanning marijuana and by the time we eventually get onto the act the markets will all be gone.

Time for a new female model
We have been accused of hating women and worse crimes for saying that the good ladies are their own worst enemy as the feminists activists do not know what their constituency really wants.

Now we are vindicated by a whole deputy commissioner informing the nation that most women will choose to please husbands over a career promotion any day while Gumbura’s wives are knocking on formidable doors in efforts to get the reviled convicted rapist back into their beds.

We are not surprised, no not a bit. Remember that a few years ago an uncomfortable number of members of this sex said it was okay for a man to beat his wife if she stepped out of line.

Then they went on to say that they wanted the new constitution to guarantee them good husbands!
And now some of them are on and on about child marriages and how they will stop them by hook or by crook.

But do these overzealous do-gooders know that some young females are choosing to get married because they do not want to be CEOs, politicians, presidents and whatever? And do they know that some of them are getting married to equally young or younger males and no one is complaining about that?

So now what are they going to do with the pesky civil servants who are refusing promotions because they like to lie next to the same warm body at night?
It must somehow be the men’s fault that these women are not sufficiently power hungry and willing to do whatever it to get to the top, right, and we are sure that soon they will explain to us just how it is so.

So maybe they will create a new female who really wants to be all those things.
But meanwhile we like the sisters, mothers and wives who look at snagging a rich man as their biggest life achievement just fine and we are glad that they like themselves just fine as well and to hell with the loud mouthed ones seeking relevance and their claim to be speaking for everyone.

It is a rare law that pleases everyone
They say it is an ill wind that blows nobody any good. But at the usual place after much drinking and cogitation, we have discovered that it is a rare law whose enactment pleases everyone.
Like the new take in our constitution which says the state can legally murder men for whatever we deem seriously heinous crimes but it will not do the same for women.

So if your darling relative is murdered, if you are bloodthirsty and quacking for revenge, you will be praying that the perpetrator is male and not female.
But to get to more current topics, the push by the media people on the issue of criminal libel may have been misguided.

The two members of the fourth estate who are now on the side of the litigants must be ruing the recent ruling.
Or maybe if one is to judge by their recent move, they have not yet heard about it seeing as they are not in the country. But surely their lawyer must know better, shouldn’t he?

Till next week, bottoms up!

 Facebook: Bra Gee, Email: [email protected]