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We would have wanted to say that Joice Mujuru, the leader of the opposition Zimbabwe People First party, is an interesting person.

That is the standard, if polite way of trying to begin analysing a person.

Only Mujuru is, to all intents and purposes, not an interesting person whether by way of her politics, her personal character and much worse her shape.

She is just there: this unimaginative woman from Dotito who now leads a political outfit following chucking out from the ruling party zanu-pf, a couple of years back.

There she had not in any way distinguished herself either as a whole vice president, a legislator or as a woman.

She was just there – something between a product of benevolence and a mediocre creature of attempt.

We risk repeating ourselves.

These things have been said before – are known.

In the current situation in the opposition, she has not shown to be better – to have outgrown mediocrity and dourness.

In fact, she can only get worse as a politician and an aspiring leader at that.

Just roll back a few months ago when she ran straight into the arms of Morgan Tsvangirai and his MDC-T in Gweru where she chanted the Chinja slogan and all that treacherous nonsensical jazz.

She committed early political suicide.

She naively thought that this would make political correctness.

Not in the eyes of the ordinary people: on one hand, those belonging to the opposition ululated and sang on the new addition to the family and on the other zanu-pf supporters saw her as having joined the MDC.

It was not just an alliance.

It can never be in the eyes of the people – on the one hand the minority under the banner of the opposition and the majority under the banner of the ruling party.

And that about kills all the prospects for her for all her claims and even real pedigree as a war veteran: no one who is not a sell-out can join hands with Tsvangirai and company.

It is that simple.

That’s how she undid herself.

We can even take down the tales about her hobnobbing with, and making and drinking teas with American envoys in the dead of the night.

And her nocturnal deeds, we have heard, did not end there.

The monkey’s bottom

There is this saying that says, the higher a monkey climbs a tree, the more it exposes its bottom.

How apt for Mujuru, the blundering politician!

As she poses as a leader of a struggling political party, she can make more and more mistakes that she is typical of.

She will make outrages and blunders.

She will be up there – exposing her bottom for us – before an unceremonious and clumsy fall.

Take her application on the bond notes and the spectacular dismissal by the honourable courts.

It will be borne in mind that she had taken the bond note issue as a political gimmick meant to harness a popular fear – an unreasoned fear for that matter.

She wanted to present herself and her party as some kind of knights in shining armour.

It is also instructive to note that this is a trend in the opposition where they are abusing the courts and the media to maintain a modicum of presence.

They think that this will win them votes.

Which is foolish, of course, because the real battle is not fought and won there.

They ought to know better.

But they never learn, because they are foolish.

Which essentially what the courts tried to tell Joice Mujuru this week.

The courts said the bond application was “premature and speculative”.

Deputy Chief Justice Luke Malaba said: “. . . The applicant does not have enough facts for her case now and when she gets the full facts, she can still come back to court with the challenge.”

He averred: “At the moment, no one knows how Government will introduce the notes and it is premature to challenge the constitutionality of the law that it is not yet in place. The bond notes are not yet in circulation and no one knows how they look like.

“You allege that bond notes will be illegally introduced, but Government said it will do it in terms of the law. On what basis do you want us to believe you? An allegation must not just spring out from the air.”

And learned Chief Justice Godfrey Chidyausiku also gave Mujuru’s bottom a hiding.

He stated: “In her private capacity, she has not stated how her rights as an individual will be violated. For example, if she has $1 million in her bank account, she should have said it.

“If she does not have even a cent in the account, then she cannot succeed to sue in her individual capacity.”

Ouch!

But that’s some very learned observations.

Worse could made by Mujuru’s political rivals.

Recall what Nathaniel Manheru – who says he is a zanu-pf member – said about her in his instalment of his column in this paper, which mysteriously lost its way and ended up in The Sunday Mail?

That’s enough said.

Believing in own lies

We heard enough fallacious noises from the opposition regarding a statement by President Mugabe that Africa was ready to pull out of the United Nations if its demands for the reform of the UN Security Council were not met.

President Mugabe was speaking after coming from the UNGA in New York and from a position of knowledge of deliberations that had taken place there.

He merely reported and expressed the longstanding grievances and position of Africa – as well as the recourse available to it and other countries of the South.

How the opposition sought to twist this as a personal opinion is remarkable but rather predictable.

They wanted to cast President Mugabe as out of touch with other African leaders, which he is not, and basically it was one of those poor gimmicks that they will use as reason why President Mugabe should leave office.

President Mugabe’s spokesman and Press Secretary Mr George Charamba tried hard to correct the misconception.

Too bad for him, poor Charamba!

How dare he would get in the way of a good story?

How dare he stop an act of self-pleasuring midway?

So NewsDay had what it thought was a perfect riposte.

“The problem with Charamba is that he believes he has a monopoly of knowledge, which he employs regularly to browbeat the opposition and private media, while using the ever pliant State media,” crowed the paper.

“After his gratuitous lecture to the opposition, Charamba is best advised to return to the Ezulwini Consensus, where he will realise that there was no resolution to pull out of the UN if Africa’s demand for two permanent seats was not honoured,” it explained.

Only there and then does the paper get itself twisted!

President Mugabe did not say that was what the Ezulwini Consensus said, neither did his spokesman.

The President was basing his report on what had transpired in New York during deliberations that were obviously anchored on the demands Africa made at Ezulwini.

That sounds complicated, right?

Simple minds cannot process and synthesise information, admittedly.

And if the minds are not that simple, they are simply devious.

That, of course, means telling lies and perpetuating them ad nauseam.