Ruth Butaumocho Gender Forum
The past few weeks have been dramatic with different events that have kept the public glued to the media. From MDC-T fights that have resulted in many splinters, to the tiff between SuperSport and Spirit Embassy prophet Hubert Angel over an alleged prophecy over Liverpool’s championship (God Bless Chelsea), these are interesting times for both the media and the public.

In this melee, the Macheso-Tafadzwa Mapako saga probably generated a lot of debate in different social circles over their divorce.
While there is nothing wrong in two consenting adults parting ways over some irreconcilable differences, what got everyone talking was when Tafadzwa made the shocking revelation that the collapse of their marriage could be traced to her refusal to allow Macheso to use an unorthodox way of treating sunken fontanelle by inserting his privates into their second child’s mouth and coming therein.

A lot of people were shocked, with some expressing outrage at both Macheso and Tafadzwa for their negation of parental roles, when they should have been protecting the rights and welfare of the same kids they claim to be directly responsible for.

Others questioned why Macheso could have stooped so low to use such unorthodox means – if ever he did it – to an innocent child, he should have been protecting rather than prioritising the issue of culture.

But the story got a new dimension when Macheso’s mother professed ignorance over the existence of such practice in their culture.
On the other hand, there is also a school of thought which exonerated Macheso and blamed Tafadzwa for this fiasco.

Being a mother, some people wanted to know the role she played since she had a responsibility to oversee the welfare of her children and the entire family.

I also can’t help but apportion more blame to Tafadzwa for playing dumb when Macheso was shoving his privates in the child’s mouth all in the name of culture to cure sunken fontanelle.

If it did happen, like she wants the world to believe, why did she choose to keep quiet for all these years and only raise hell when the marriage was collapsing?

Did she decide to make such a ludicrous claim to save the collapsing marriage, gain public sympathy, embarrass Macheso, for the love of her children or to walk away richer or she just wanted the world to know what she had gone through in that marriage?

Whatever her reasons are, Tafadzwa Mapako is an accomplice and equally guilty. While she may not appear like a scorned woman out to settle a score, many people would find it hard to believe her real motive in revealing such a closely guarded secret for years.

The behaviour exhibited by Tafadzwa is quite common in divorce and civil matters, when people try to shift the blame on the other person, in a matter in which they are equally to blame, when relationships go sour.

More often than not, most spouses blame each other for everything in their marriage, because it is the easiest thing to do. Naturally, people want to escape blame for everything, and they tend to hold the other partner responsible for all the problems in a relationship, while they play innocent, and this is so incongruent with the quest for peace in homes.

On too many occasions you often hear women or men bashing their significant other, complaining to friends and relatives, how their partner is the worst human being that God ever created.

You often hear scurrilous accusations being traded across the floor, with partners trying to outdo each other, on the very same things they undertook together when the days were rosy and sunny.

“He is a liar, … he is a rapist, “She is useless!”
Partners and those in relationships should stop playing the blame game and take responsibility for own actions.

Rather than look for faults, people should also reflect on their own actions and work to address their weaknesses without crying victim and demonising their partners.

I find it rather weird, or distasteful when a man or woman feels entitled to the world then feels disappointed when offered anything less than what they expected.

If Tafadzwa was really aggrieved over Macheso’s decision to treat their child’s sunken fontanelle that way, she should have protested two or so years ago, rather than wait for the centre to crumble.

Of course, being dependent on Macheso for her financial welfare and that of her children, she must have found it difficult to open up, but as a parent she ought to have realised that she also owed it to her children to protect them from any kind of                                                                                abuse.

The majority of people in relationships, unions and marriages, are perpetuating a culture of silence even in situations where the level of abuse is alarming.

Even in instances where they have an option to move out, people in such unions will still justify their reasons to stay in abusive marriages, arguing that they have only two choices and both of them are bad.

Some women do not walk out because they are afraid of losing economic security for themselves and their children.
They are also afraid of losing their partners whom they love despite their cruel behaviours.

People are responsible for the choices they make in their lives. They should live by those choices, rather than play the victim like what Tafadzwa is now doing.

Yes, in a way she could have been a victim, but she was also an accomplice, and therefore cannot claim to be all innocent.

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