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Who am I?
I am the richest guy around town and yes I am not taking any calls at all. Those who want to wish me well are welcome to do so only through written messages and cards are also welcome.

Donations in kind are also being received in all shapes and sizes by the way in celebration of the big title that I brought home from Italy recently.

I am Zimbabwean in my entirety by the way and the only reason why I had temporarily relocated was purely a business decision.

And any questions you might have on that can only be answered by my management team who are responsible for the enterprise. It is true that I have 50 cool ones to my credit and for that I am so grateful.

As for me, I am merely a tool fully equipped to deliver.

It is for this reason that I felt I needed to restate my position as I have noticed some strange numbers flashing on my phone over the past few days and clearly these are not just friendly calls. Please give me some space.

While I appreciate your interest in my new found fame which came with wining and dining with the highest office in the land, I am truly hopeful that you heard what the “Man of God” stressed in his closing prayer after the handover ceremony that I am not sharing it with anybody and that is final.

This is a new beginning for us and please allow us to do just that and we will not make any excuses about that. There are a number of you who had clearly forsaken us as we migrated up north and never gave us a second glance even when we scored big on the national scene.

We remain focused and we will not turn back and as for whether we will return to our casual base, well . . .

We are nonetheless ever so grateful for the multitude of support you have afforded us over the years, but for now, just give us some space!

Cecil the lion
I am sure that by now most of you have heard, seen, Googled or sympathised with the plight of Cecil the Lion whose death touched the lives of thousands around the globe over circumstances that up to now most of us still have some difficulty to comprehend.

In death Cecil has emerged as the best known and most beloved lion in Africa if not the whole world.

Some have even christened him “mhondoro yevarungu” judging from the love and sympathy the lion has attracted worldwide.

We wonder if his name was Maswerasei, would he have been this popular? Could this be signs of the vestiges of colonialism arising from Cecil’s name?

Newspapers and global television networks were awash with the story about how this lion met his fate at Hwange National Park at the hands of American dentist and trophy hunter Walter J Palmer.

Cecil has been idolised as the alpha male of his pride who epitomised the dominance of the king of the jungle who painfully endured 40 hours of pain before submitting to his maker. As we tried to decipher the significance of Cecil’s demise at the usual place, we could not easily get the justification of the disgust and rage of Western countries over the incident considering that it was actually one of theirs who was in the pursuit of one of their favourite sporting avocations.

There is no doubt that although Palmer downed the “wrong” animal, he went back home feeling sporty that he had killed a magnificent animal.

All hell broke loose however as all opportunistic animal conservationists took turns to find a way to twist the incident to their favour and find reason to blame the Government of Zimbabwe for the unfortunate incident especially the $50 000 finder’s fee that had been brandished by the American dentist to identify the trophy. How pathetic!

As we follow with interest the unfolding events in the aftermath of the shooting, we earnestly hope that here will be some voices in this part of the world that he should be extradited to Zimbabwe to face justice for tossing off our iconic big cat.

In defence of family planning
So the drama never ends in Parliament and the other day we were following very closely as the technocrats took off their jackets to disown Tobaiwa Mudede’s assertion that our women were victims of discredited family planning methods dumped in this country.

Obviously this is an issue of great interest to most of us as a number of the regulars were often accused of failing to make their contributions count to the national population growth on over indulging in you know what.

Enter Mudede and he blurts out that we should not even be using family planning methods in our homes and advances a traditional theory that nearly tears families apart.

Fortunately this time around there were no exhibits to show as we had eagerly anticipated, but we certainly received more than we bargained for as the family planning body really gave a good account of themselves and we hope this brings the matter to rest.

More importantly we hope that the Kenyan spirit will not catch up with Zimbabwean women to take to the streets that the male species there were failing to make them develop offspring.

Last call
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the toilet.

He doesn’t want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, “I spat in this beer, do not drink!”.

After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, “So did I!”

Till next week, bottoms up!

Facebook: Bra Gee, Twitter: @brageesbar, Email:[email protected]