|If he doesn’t love you, move on . . .|
|Friday, 21 September 2012 00:00|
Vimbai Nhutsve-Musengi Features Writer
phantom being jilted and tried by all means to stop the wedding. Many have said there was a political hand at play. Others blame the PM for failing to keep his zipper up. I am one person who feels that it’s the women themselves who are to blame.
I know the kind of backlash that I am inviting from the feminists and other organisations that fight for the rights of women. It is important to note that the engagement of Morgan to Elizabeth was announced a long time ago. Both women opted to keep quiet. Where were they then?
The world waited for Locardia’s version and it was something to the effect that she considered herself still married to Morgan. Then the dust died down. We thought that was the last of it. Then came the shocker, Locardia had miscarried. No word from Morgan, instead, he introduced us to Elizabeth and quickly announced that they were engaged to be married. The Press informed us that Morgan had paid lobola to the Macheka family and was planning on a white wedding.
From my point of view, this is when Locardia should have pounced. This is when the feminists and the women organisations should have rallied behind Locardia if indeed they felt that she was aggrieved. They kept quiet. Not a word. I am not condoning the PM’s open-zip policy but as a woman I feel there are levels that we should never allow ourselves to sink to.
While I agree that the country’s marriage laws seem to demean the status of women, I still think that women should uphold their pride.
My pride dictates to me that I would never have to wait for that symbolic token, known in Shona as “gupuro”, to know when affection has run out. To me, trying to stop the wedding was a vindictive act that showed that Locardia and Nosipho Regina Shilubane did not value themselves enough to think past their affairs with Morgan.
That the woman had to try by all means to stay attached to Morgan to me shows a serious lack of self-worth. Here is a woman who is reported to be a successful businessperson in her own right. To me, her actions reveal a deep-rooted fear of independence that can only come from years and years of socialisation where women are told from early ages that “varume vanonetsa, unofanirwa kushinga . . .” This is a kind of “gomera uripo” mentality that has caused unnecessary deaths due to domestic violence.
And for the SA woman to openly say that she had unprotected sex with Morgan . . . in this day and age of HIV and Aids! Will we ever win our fight against HIV if we continue to behave this way? Now that she is no longer with Morgan, chances are that she will find another sexual partner with whom she will have unprotected sex. And that partner will go on to sleep with other women. The chain becomes endless and the chances of contracting HIV/Aids increase.
If a man has been kind enough to tell you that he does not love you anymore, it is only logical that you move on with your life. It might be difficult to deal with but there is so much you can do to move past the hurt. Find new challenges, do something you have never done before, open yourself to new hobbies, take a holiday if you can, meet new people. Just DON’T cling to a man who DOES NOT love you. You are way better than that. There is no need for a woman to throw herself at a man who does not love her, when there could be countless other men who might love her. If a man loves you enough, he will not only pay lobola for you, he will also walk you down the aisle. He will make it his mission in life to put a ring on your finger. He will never disgrace you in front of the world by openly parading his concubines; those are normally closely guarded secrets that he is even afraid to admit to himself that they exist.