Last week I was speaking to a brother who shares my fascination with culture. He lamented the loss of good African values to modernity such as respect. According to him, children of today know nothing about respect. In a way the brother was right when we consider the way some young people of today

relate with elders. Africa had a perking order based on seniority. The lessons on the importance of respecting elders were reinforced in every aspect of life.
It was always the younger person to greet an adult first and would wash hands last before a meal. Since people used to eat from the same plate the youngest was the last to partake and also pick that piece of meat (kunhonga nyama).

Gender also played an important part as women had a subordinate role to men. A woman also had to wait for the man to take the lead.
Children were not allowed to stand while adults sat. It was considered disrespectful to look down at the fontanel of an adult. It was unacceptable for children to answer back to an adult. Also it was considered rude for children to participate in discussions unless invited to do so. I also think that it was not proper to look straight into the eyes of an adult.

My mother tells me that she had an uncle who took no exception to staring. He would ask the child staring at him to tell him how many teeth he had. I, however, think that this was an extreme way of teaching the young people to respect their elders.
The sentiments expressed by the brother could be shared by many other elders in our society today. They find it hard to accept being called a liar by a child or younger person because they were socialised never to tell an adult that he or she was lying. Back then children would give way to adults, these days they can even bump into you and knock you off balance.

Also these days we hear more cases of children assaulting or even killing their fathers. There are mothers who are dispossessed of their houses by children in inheritance wrangles.

I, however, think that these undesirable changes should not be looked at in isolation but considered within the changing cultural context. What do I mean by this?
What I mean is that nowadays there are several other factors that are used as a basis for affording respect to an individual other than age.
There are other considerations such as level of education, material wealth like money as well as positional power.

These changes have been happening gradually. In my view there has been slow attrition due to a clash of values.
With the advent of education it was the teacher in the village that commanded a great deal of influence. Families and communities would seek out the opinion of the learned. I think dear reader you recall in discussions in families consistent reference to what the teacher, doctor said. In a subtle way the teacher, opinion was considered highly above all other thoughts.

You find that with education a younger person could be in charge at the work place. These days with increased access to education by females, women are occupying positions of authority that demand that they be respected.
It is therefore unusual for a younger person or a woman to be afforded a seat at gatherings while an elderly person or a man is left to sit on the ground or stand. This has reversed the perking order of the African society where the eldest being male also was the head and therefore had the responsibility to make decisions.

I recall last year when I went to this gathering. They were limited chairs and therefore some people both men and women were sitting on mother earth. My elderly aunt expressed dismay at the women who were sitting on the chairs while the men were on the ground.
I reminded her that times had changed because nowadays we have chairs in our homes for both men and women. So women were as used to the comfort accorded by the chairs as the men.

The environment we live in has changed and therefore has brought changes in our cultural institutions. What we need to do as to see how best we can make the best of it and remain a people with an identity.
We live in a world where people with money tend to pull the shots. Whatever they say in families, society and even in churches goes. The world listens to them better that those with only their wisdom to bring to the table. Like what one of our local musicians says “Mazuva ano ane mari ndiye mukuru.”

The world we live in listens to people with money. In my view it is what you have rather than who you are that speaks for you. Sometimes in families plans are suspended until this person arrives.
It is only then that plans are finalised on when and where the deceased will be buried. In the material world of today this makes perfect sense because of costs involved. Back then it was what the eldest person in the family said that was respected.

The shift is not without its challenges. Apart from affecting the African perking order it has really brought competition within families or groups. It has also brought in other social ills as people use unorthodox means to get rich so they can earn the respect of the world.
The assumption of the African culture was that elders have travelled the life journey and have in the process garnered experience enough to be repositories of wisdom.

What really determines the true value of a person? Is it who they are or what they have? How do people perceive themselves or are perceived by others in terms of their true value.

It is sad that today the value of a person is more on what he or she has. It is therefore not surprising to see a finely dressed person being afforded the highest seat while the opposite is true for the simple ones.
I cannot end this piece without quoting from the scripture in which we are warned in the Book of James against preferential treatment based on outward appearance.

As a parting shot let me say that while the world concentrates on finery and similar possessions God is a God who looks at the heart. I believe that the heart is where one’s true value lies.