|Fishing from a mud rut|
|Friday, 27 April 2012 08:18|
In the village, in the land of milk honey and dust or Guruve if you like, a he-goat is never a master of courtship. His is a loud massif appeal, so public that one has to make sure he or she in not in the company of in-laws or others shied.
The dangling bits are not only a shame. They make the whole courtship process a farce and a sham.
Suffice to say our Prime Minister has turned out to be a real village rum, a bachelor bull or bullock, itself a victim of high testosterone, whose blood is running hot, hotter and hottest, like a boy troubled by the matrix of puberty. The village soothsayer, the ageless autochthon of wisdom and knowledge calls it post puberty traumatic disorder. But whatever than means, the soothsayer will explain later.
Not so many moons ago it was Locadia Karimatsenga sister to Beater Nyamupinga and daughter of a late revered nationalist, whose funeral was even graced by President Mugabe. Hardly had the ink dried, the story and its connotations and twist and turns, died, have we now heard that there is another Zanu-PF girl for Tsvangirai. This week it was reported that Tsvangirai had engaged Elizabeth Macheka, the daughter of Zanu-PF Central Committee member, Joseph.
Now does that not say something on where Tsvangirai’s heart really lies — figuratively and politically?
The villager was fascinated when some irate official from MDC-T confided that the party had many eligible girls yet the Premier sought girls from elsewhere.
“All for nothing?” I hear them say in desperation.
That perfect brand always catches the eye of the qualified bachelor that our PM has been.
Ambassador Jacqueline Zwambila, who makes youthful stripper Beverly Sibanda grin with envy? Then, what with Thabitha Khumalo, who has called for the legislation of prostitution, saying prostitutes were pleasure managers? What with . . ?
But wait a minute! What boggles the mind is why he is in a hurry? What defies logic is why Tsvangirai is playing to the gallery? When almost everyone was beginning to forget about Locadia’s unfortunate 12-day marriage, the man himself decides to go public about yet another affair.
Tsvangirai has advisors, if he does, then they are very poor. A poorly advised fly follows a corpse into the grave and gets buried with it.
Why engage in public when he has a poor record on matters of the heart? Why?
It was a roller coaster tragicomedy and melodramatic love cruise that left the audience, including the village soothsayer who rarely laughs hilariously crankling the rib-cage cracking point.
Just a few days after the soothsayer, declared that there was no future in such a man, Tsvangirai, the leader of the party of “sexcellence”, has lived true to his billing. The village soothsayer is warning all the remaining mistresses that they could still fall prey and should never be sure that their marriage will be real or yet another circus.
As for the Macheka family, in the village there is a saying that you cannot trust a foolhardy herdboy with ensuring that the cattle have been taken to the drinking hole. Tinotenda dzanwa dzaswera nebenzi!
Finally it goes without saying that one does need the services of an expert on sexism and sex dynamics to notice that our qualified bachelor has become an epitome of unsafe sex, confusion, flip flop and bed-hoping from Bulawayo, Norton, Harare, Chitungwiza and beyond, almost like a village bull.