‘If I die . .  .’ the Facebook app that records ‘final words’ That death can be so flippantly turned into a play thing is yet another indication of how callously mischievous social media can be
That death can be so flippantly turned into a play thing is yet another indication of how callously mischievous social media can be

That death can be so flippantly turned into a play thing is yet another indication of how callously mischievous social media can be

Delta Milayo Ndou  #digitaldialogue—

We have become accustomed to death notifications being made via social media, and often times, because death is never expected, people rush to the profile of the deceased to leave messages expressing shock, pain and passing condolences in an outpouring of public grief.

I use the phrase “public grief” deliberately because there is also private grief that never finds articulation on cyber platforms and is never paraded for all the world to see — sometimes the death of a loved one is simply so unbearable that the pain robs us of speech.

Other times, people go on the profile of the deceased to check what their last post was about because in some way, in a digital sense, those posts take on greater significance as they constitute that individual’s “final words”.

Oftentimes, the last posts of the deceased are about trivia, rarely earth-shattering or profound in any sense — but people still try to find some greater meaning behind mundane posts and to decipher some message within the lines of what are sometimes quite unremarkable posts.

Would it make any difference if the deceased had left a video of their “final words”?

If they had prepared for the eventuality of death and made some sort of plan about how they would exit the digital space and what words would mark that exit?

We don’t often want to contemplate death, much less prepare for it and certainly, if we reflected on such weighty affairs — we would not think of our social media accounts as part of the “affairs” we ought to leave in order.

So what happens to your social media profiles if you die?

For most of us, we don’t know and we don’t reflect on it but Facebook has apparently put some thought into the matter and through an app called “If I die” one can create a video or text message that will only be published after they die.

When digital reminders hurt

The “If I die” app can be installed onto one’s Facebook and it allows them to choose “trustees” (from among your Facebook family/friends/followers) who will be in charge of reporting your death (to the platform owners so they can delete your account if that is your desire).

The message can be anything, it can be a farewell message, an instruction, a long-kept secret you don’t want to go to the grave with or anything really. I was intrigued by this app because its function pertains to an issue that is rarely on the public discourse.

As more and more of us choose to live online, how will we ensure that our loved ones get digital closure after we have passed on without having to endure digital reminders that may cause them undue sorrow? We often don’t share our social media log in credentials so if we die, there is no one to deactivate our profiles and they ‘live on’ sometimes with automated reminders that can trigger those left behind.

One of the most jarring experiences of my social media life (because it is a life of sorts) is encountering automated posts from people I know are deceased and to get reminders on the birthdays of loved ones who are gone.

It is jarring and sometimes, depending on my state of mind, it feels cruel to have that memory of loss triggered and to recall (even for a fraction of a second) that indescribable pain. Sometimes such reminders feel like there is some business left unfinished and one is deprived of complete closure regarding the loss.

We do keep pictures of loved ones in our homes and our eyes wandering idly around our surrounding may rest occasionally on their images. So it is not an entirely novel thing to be surrounded by triggers, by things, sounds and places that make us remember those who are no longer with us.

However, there is a measure of agency about keeping such mementos in our physical spaces and perhaps it would not be amiss to wish for some measure of control over how the social media profiles and digital footprints of our loved ones are deactivated, archived or deleted altogether.

Social media and suicide: choosing to die in the public gaze

Discussing the digital footprints of people who are now deceased, invariably draws the grim subject of suicide in the social media age given the growing number of people who (for whatever reason) have made threats or have made actual attempts or tragically succeeded in ending their lives before the public’s digital gaze.

The first week of the year began with the sad and unfortunate spectacle (for lack of a more compassionate descriptor) of Olinda Chapel Chideme taking to Facebook to stream in real-time her distress over marital problems she was facing with her husband Desmond Chideme aka Stunner and then disclosing her intent to commit suicide, going so far as to show the pills with which she considered ending her life.

In one of her other self-disclosing videos, she is heard saying her kids are not around and will not bear witness to the chaos that was obtaining in her house at that moment and over the course of that conflict-filled period in her home.

It occurred to me that that assessment was inaccurate because the digital footprint her video posts and social media disclosures have left are stored online for her kids to view and be wounded by in future.

In the second week of the year, one South Africa-based Zimbabwean woman identified as Namatai Chipunza released a video in which she appeared to be attempting suicide as she silently took an overdose of pills. Her actions were met with alarm and swift intervention by other users who did their utmost to track down where she lives and get her help.

Calls were made by some users appealing to those who had the video to delete it and to desist from sharing it, however there is no telling how many people heeded such calls to not spread the video.

Digital footprints matter, moreso in the context of what kind of legacy we might inadvertently leave behind for our loved ones and for our children in particular. I recently earned a very sharp rebuke from a close friend who had rightly taken issue with some very private affairs that I had disclosed in a self-deprecating post (sometimes we want to laugh about the craziness in our lives but in doing so we risk over-sharing).

I deleted the posts (after sheepishly trying to mount up a futile defence of my digital gaffe) and immediately came up with a list of things I will never make mention of on social media (that’s what my WhatsApp is for) so that my digital footprint does not wound the ones I love in future.

Outrage still obtains over the fact that Facebook reportedly took 2 weeks to remove video of a 12-year-old girl that livestreamed her suicide. In the 40-minute livestream, the girl claims that, in addition to struggling with depression, she had been sexually abused by a family member.

Then she proceeds to say farewell to her close friends and family, and eventually takes her own life.

The last 10 minutes of the livestream show her lifeless body hanging from a tree as the sun sets.

This tragic incident coincides with a most bizarre and distasteful social media hashtag #deadpose in which individuals take part in a challenge to have pictures of themselves taken striking poses in which they appear dead.

That death can be so flippantly turned into a play thing is yet another indication of how callously facetious social media can be. Let’s be vigilant about our digital footprints because if we die, our posts might be the final word our loved ones ever see from us.

Delta is a digital expert and an advocate for technology-driven solutions. Follow her on Twitter: @deltandou

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