Grand coalition: A meeting of has-beens

FLASHBACK . . . MDC-T organising secretary Nelson Chamisa (standing), secretary-general Tendai Biti and party leader Morgan Tsvangirai engrossed in the zanu-pf election manifesto before addressing a campaign rally in the run-up to harmonised elections last year

FLASHBACK . . . MDC-T organising secretary Nelson Chamisa (standing), secretary-general Tendai Biti and party leader Morgan Tsvangirai engrossed in the zanu-pf election manifesto before addressing a campaign rally in the run-up to harmonised elections last year

Nicole Hondo Correspondent
So I have been following all the hullabaloo over the envisaged grand coalition being mooted by our labouring opposition parties. Truth be told, I cannot help but giggle each time I think of the individual players who are set to make up the not-so-grand coalition. What’s so “grand” about a meeting of has-beens? Spent political forces, if they ever qualified to be called such, who are desperately trying to clutch at straws as well as cling to each other for survival?

What is even more surprising is the excitement radiating from those set to make up the misnamed coalition who are falling short of turning cartwheels in the street.
Call me skeptic, but if truth be told, I don’t see what all the fuss is about, after all, it is only a dim-witted cow that rejoices at the prospect of being taken to a beautiful abattoir.

What makes these men think that by coming together they will produce something different from their repeated individual political failures?
The wise say wherever a man goes to dwell, his character goes with him.

Simple mathematics proves that dumb plus dumb equals dumber.
A quick look of the candidates to make up the coalition vindicates me:
The Renewal Team
This is a group of former MDC-T members who have fallen out of favour with Tsvangirai over the distribution of the now-not-so-big pie. The Team appears to be led by Tendai Biti, Elton Mangoma and Jacob Mafume, all certified political ants.

They claim that Tsvangirai is unwilling to share the ever-dwindling MDC-T pie with others yet he has failed to steer the party to the heights envisaged at its formation in 1999.

One can’t help but suspect that these characters are not driven by their desire for democracy but are just looking at new ways to milk gullible donors as they have realised that the MDC-T ride is now rusty and fast losing relevance and financial favour.

Taken individually, these gentlemen have no clout whatsoever in the political arena, hence they are frantically looking for crutches to hold them upright.
One might also be forgiven for concluding that the Team has found conditions chilly outside MDC-T and are desperately looking for another establishment-for lack of a better word — to huddle in. Rewind to 2005 and it becomes de javu, with chickens coming home to roost!

MDC led by Professor Welshman Ncube
This gentleman broke away from the original MDC in 2005 after a fallout with Tsvangirai, again.
I shall not go into detail as to what led to the fallout, suffice it to say the Prof believed then that he was strong enough to stand on his own and shake Zimbabwe with a political typhoon.

What followed was a rude awakening as Ncube failed to stir even a teeny-weeny breeze.
Indeed, it was probably a very happy day for the Prof when talk of this coalition started as he had been effectively relegated to the political dustbin. It is no surprise to see him now dusting off his boots and doing the voodoo dance in anticipation of being catapulted back into the political spotlight through the grand coalition motion.
People doubt the party leadership that is modelled on tribal grounds.

Many of us are actually surprised to see him as he had slunk away into oblivion after his party failed to obtain a single parliamentary seat in the July 2013 elections.
The ignominy of a zero decimal something figure in the presidential election of the same year will shadow him for eternity.

ZAPU led by Dumiso Dabengwa
Dumiso who?
I confess I had to Google this gentleman so as to retrieve any meaningful data on him. He is simply the grand-daddy of political spent forces.
The man ran as a ZANU-PF candidate for a seat in the House of Assembly for Nkulumane in the 2000 elections, but was defeated by the late MDC’s Gibson Sibanda. He was again defeated in the March 2005 parliamentary elections.

Dabengwa was again a candidate for ZAPU for the 2013 elections and he predictably came out empty-handed.
Such is the vast experience in how to lose elections that Dabengwa will bring to the coalition.

MAVAMBO/Kusile Dawn (MKD) led by Simba Makoni
How anyone could possibly want to trust this guy so much as to partner with him is beyond me. Makoni has not been known for his political faithfulness. I nearly fell off my chair when I heard he is expected to lead the coalition. Can a blind man lead another blind man; will they not both fall into a pit?
Makoni has perfected the art of political prostitution and rides whatever horse is lucrative at the moment and has dismally failed to bring the promised “dawn” to his own party and followers.

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