Zimpapers Logo

quite certain that the source of her infection was a mass ear piercing session that she embarked upon with some school friends just over a decade ago after writing their O-Level examinations.
“We had finished writing the O-Level exams and decided that we were now young women and could have our ears pierced. A group of girls from my class had our ears pierced free of charge by one girl who was brave enough to do the piercing. We all used the same needle and the girl would just dip it in some methylated spirit and pierce the next person,” said Virginia.
She will rue the ear piercing after undergoing an HIV test with her fiancé.
Virginia, who is the first child in a family of five, carried the family torch high when she graduated with a first class honours degree in financial accounting three years ago. She valued her body and had told her boyfriend that there was to be no sex before marriage. So how could she explain her seropositive condition, given that they had never been intimate?
To make matters worse, her boyfriend tested HIV negative.
“We were confident about the future and visited a New Start Centre together since he was now known in my family circles and I was also familiar with his family. We intended to tie the knot this year so it was only proper that we take an HIV test,” said the young woman.
“As someone who was still a virgin like my name suggested, I never imagined that my world would crumble like a deck of cards in a split second,” said Virginia.
Virginia said her boyfriend could not believe that she was a virgin after the HIV test and told her that their relationship was over.
“My world just crumbled in my face. I even offered that we visit a doctor to verify my virginity claim but he shot it down. As we sat in a restaurant after the tests he told me that it was over. He accused me of having wasted his time all these years and that he had even waited a further three years as was demanded by my parents that I work after graduating.
“He said it was over, he needed to start a family as time was running out and he would not risk getting into a river infested with crocodiles with his eyes wide open. He stood up, took off the engagement ring and walked away,” said Virginia.
Virginia was devastated and called her mother to pick her up from the restaurant. Her mother asked why she was not calling her fiancé and she told her that it was a long story that she would tell her when they got home.
“My mother came and picked me up and she suspected that I was pregnant hence my weeping. I kept telling her that I was not, as I was still a virgin. She wanted to know the source of my sadness.
“When we got home I showed her my result slip. She said she did not understand what that was.
“Was I pregnant and if so, that was the end of me. I told her it was better if I was pregnant. I told her that my fiancé had just told me that it was over,” said Virginia.
“My mother wanted to call my fiancé and I told her not to because I had just tested HIV positive and Paul had tested negative. He had called off our marriage plans,” she added.
Virginia, who expected a shoulder to cry on, said she was shocked by her response.
“She called me a whore and liar and told me to find a place to stay before dad got home. My mother said I was a disgrace and a bad influence to my siblings so there was no longer a place for me in the family,” she said as she wiped a tear from her cheek.
The father was in no compromising mood and asked her to leave that same night.
“My parents did not buy my story. Both my mum and dad said I had put their name to shame. Dad asked me to leave to whoever was the source of infection with immediate effect.
“They asked me not to call, not to try and get in contact with my siblings and leave before they inflicted harm on me. My dad was shaking with rage and I had no choice but to leave,” she said.
Virginia said she has not visited her family since the incident three months ago.
“I phoned a friend and she gave me accommodation for sometime until I got an apartment of my own,” she said.
Virginia, who first contacted me via email, finally garnered enough strength to meet me in person for the first time last week.
The young lady wanted to move on with her life and wanted to know if there were any organisations that could assist with her predicament.
Virginia is no longer worried about the rejection meted upon her by her parents. She knows that with time, even years, they may get to understand that she did not take the walk of shame, as they stated. She loves them all the same.
For people like Virginia and anyone who has faced stigma and seek solace, the Zimbabwe National Network for People Living Positively is the place to be.
ZNNP+, an organisation led by Professor Shoko, was started by a group of people in the mid-90s when stigma and no medication was available then. Today one founder member, the Mutare provincial head – Mr Chiduku – is alive.
ZNNP+ has offices in all the 10 provinces and offers positive living as a way of life.
Dedicated people living positively have taken the torch and continue to fight for their rights.
Virginia said her status had become a public secret because her ex-lover had made it a point to tell anyone who cared to listen the cause of their break-up.
“I just want to move on with my life. I do not feel I am in an emotionally stable position to embark on another relationship just yet.
“I have seen my doctor who informed me that my CD4 count was still okay as it stood at 800,” said Virginia.
“I have not conducted myself in a sexually immoral manner to be a victim of this condition. I have not done anything. I cannot say it is easy, it is agonisingly difficult but I have to accept it and soldier on,” she said.
For Virginia disclosure to her parents resulted in rejection. Her disclosure has been met with negative reactions on both fronts, from her fiancé and parents.
She feels relieved that she is no longer in a relationship where she has no control over her status. She had never had an intimate relationship and said she would have to stay like that for fear of infecting any new partner. Her status is now in the public domain and she hoped to find solace, support and acceptance in the organisation she has just joined.
Dr Iris Shiripinda, a Netherlands-based Zimbabwean author, in her book “Facing HIV in the Netherlands”, laments the fear of negative reactions and says rejection makes it difficult for HIV positive people to fulfil their need for an intimate life.
“For many it is difficult to find a partner who is HIV positive, and even then it is not a foregone conclusion that there is a feeling of connection or attraction.
“A relationship cannot be based merely on both partners being HIV positive. There has to be some chemistry and shared ideals. In practice that means that it is not easy to find a partner and build a relationship on that premise alone,” she writes.
Despite being thousands of miles apart, the challenges faced by those with HIV in Netherlands somewhat mirror those being faced by their counterparts in Zimbabwe so far as stigma and the need for support are concerned.
For Virginia meeting other people with her condition is a great step and so is having her health monitored as she has done on the road to positive living.
On a parting note, I say to all: HIV and Aids is everyone’s concern, play your part in the fight against it, be part of the solution and not the problem.
Zero tolerance to discrimination.

l [email protected]