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We think that women should wear the barest minimum that they feel comfortable with

With Bra Gee
Off to the leg show
If by any chance you did not overdo it last night dear Regular Patron, and you are reading this in the morning, then throw the paper or gadget down right now and join us at the Market Square or Copacabana. We are off to the Miniskirt March to show solidarity with the sisters who are asserting their right to wear what they like without having some ill-bred hwindi stopping his illegal touting to call them names.

First of all we think that women should wear the barest minimum that they feel comfortable with. Speaking for ourselves, we much prefer the sight of endless acres of smooth skin covering some nicely shaped thighs instead of the hairy ill-shaped appendages that most men inflict on the public every time they venture out in shorts. I am sure that you have all seen the sights I am talking about. You see some pompous sort get down from some heavy car, and your eyes are assaulted by the improper fraction of a massive top girth precariously perched on two thin sticks passing for legs.

It is enough to turn us off our drinks, which is exactly why every decent usual place has got a rule against men wearing shorts to the bar.

But for today we are urging all Regular Patrons to forget about that. If you are a woman join us in your miniskirt or even just your dress top.

Hot pants are also most welcome. If you are a man, we will allow you to put on your short shorts, just for today.

Why should women be subjected to some misguided Victorian dress trends brought about by some overzealous missionary types more than a century ago?

After all if we go back into history you will find that our ancestors made do with little pieces of leather just covering the essentials.

Forget all about the artistic grass skirts; there is no way that fashion trend would have caught on because it would be suicidal to wear the brittle and sharply pointed material any time, but especially so before underwear was the in thing.

That is why I said the hwindis threatening to disrobe women in minis are ill-bred.

If they knew where they came from they would not need to be taught the lesson that is being visited on them today.

But the good thing is that they will enjoy and maybe even call for an encore.

Nobody’s child
Nobody cares. If you have any doubts just think of the reaction of people to the video of some poor child being beaten almost to death for stealing bread in Warren Park.

This looks like it really happened and not some skit posted by some enterprising creative types. Almost everyone at the usual place has expressed disgust at the blatant abuse.

But no one is doing anything. Well, I was too busy propping up the bar at the usual place, what is your excuse?

The worst culprits are the cops and the social workers and child rights activists who cannot all claim that they have not come across the horror show.

Surely it should be the work of a few hours to comb through Warren Park and find the culprits.

I will play my part here by advising all these people to hit all the bars and Warren Park and talk to the genuine regulars. Of course you may need to wet their throats to jog their memories, but I bet you my last drink that by the end of the day they will have led you straight to the would-be child killers.

Please, police officers, neighbours, activists, journalists, someone, anyone, do something.

Not that at the usual place we like thieves anymore than anyone else. And we definitely agree with the adage about sparing rods and raising brats, but we do not think that attempted murder can be construed as righteous justice, even by a bar full of drunks on a Friday night.

Which brings us to the story of the 24-year-old Form Three student from Mutare who killed a 60-year-old man and is now claiming that during the fatal stoning he thought he was attacking a snake.

What hogwash! Not even the Satanism slant will work. Hang him already, Judge.

In addition we know that everyone has a right to education and all that, but a 24-year-old mbanje smoking sitting man on the same bench with our sweet 16-year-old daughters? No way!

We predicted this
We were saving the best for last. Did you for a moment think that we were not going to go into the issue of the Muzukuru getting slapped in the face, physically and not literally?

We told you that limbs were going to fly soon after the two gentlemen in Gweru took their gloves off.

Speaking of which whatever happened to those two pugilists? The last time we heard that story they had both reported each other at different police stations.

But to get back to the current one; we were happy to hear this one in detail and we lapped up all the gems of how the lady and her spouse were labelled a disgrace to people in the highest places.

That led the lady to cast aside all the robes connected to that title and become a mere woman insulted. So she retaliated with a stinging slap.

Just two questions; would this lady have acted just so if she had not been in a room full of people who would obviously stop the fight before it really began?

Was she confident that the man in question would be a gentleman and not just a man who would reply in kind?

Make that three questions and tell us if she would have given a good account of herself if Muzukuru had taken the fight right back to her?

We are not being mischievous here. We like to see or hear about a good fight, but we do not like to watch massacres.

Leave suicide attacks to fundamentalists, please.

Till next week, bottoms up!

• Facebook: Bra Gee, Email: [email protected]