BAR TALK: Of cat fights over married men and tired musicians

No argument there, the Eritrean girls look good. Even the worst looking would definitely be a beauty queen here in Zimbabwe, (no offence to our bleached, weaved and over-painted sisters)

No argument there, the Eritrean girls look good. Even the worst looking would definitely be a beauty queen here in Zimbabwe, (no offence to our bleached, weaved and over-painted sisters)

Bra Gee
Not going to Eritrea
People, just be whatever you like to be and do not deign to try and explain yourselves. If your music is good, no one will care what label you come under. But if it has grown stale and the brand is no longer exciting, then of course you do need some controversy to court attention.

Bra Gee will not be joining the male exodus to Eritrea even if the edict is not a hoax. For a good number of very valid reasons. The first one being that right here at home a man can marry as many women as he likes. We refer to the other women as a second wife, a small house, a concubine, a prostitute or whatever but the fact remains that she is available to the man on demand which is the whole point. So why go to a country at war when you can have your pleasure at home?

The second point is this irritating habit of women expecting a man to pay for the pleasure of their company from the day of meeting until infinity.

Divorce and death simply mean a woman gets to chop a man’s money without the inconvenience of sleeping with the said man. In the first case the man is compelled to pay alimony camouflaged as maintenance while in the second instance the law says the woman can now lay claim to all the wealth that was never hers while the man was alive.

Do the overexcited men think the situation will be different in Eritrea? Even there you will still have to work like a donkey to enjoy just one woman.

But Bra Gee could not help searching for images of Eritrean women when the story went viral. No argument there, the girls look good. Even the worst looking would definitely be a beauty queen here in Zimbabwe, (no offense to our bleached, weaved and over painted sisters). But there is a little gem about those women. They make up a formidable percentage of the army and they are not desk jockeys but real soldiers who go to the war front and command regiments. Would any sane man really want two or more of those ladies ordering him around?

And finally, is it possible that after the thousands of men have been killed off in the army there is room in the country for cannon fodder? So you marry the women then get a letter recruiting you into the army because as a mukuwasha (son-in-law) you are now part of the family and can hardly object.

Like I said, the mixed heritage may have created the most good looking women in the horn of Africa as the Ethiopian and the Somali women are also great looking, but Bra Gee will not be headed there any time soon.

You cannot fool everyone

Bra Gee believes that a person should be allowed to have a change of heart at any point in their lives without being judged. But the same person should also be able to have their change of heart without expecting the rest of us to be fools. So if a singer decides that she wants to branch off into another route, more power to her. But to then tell us that she was never that which she was, that is an insult to our intelligence.

Even Mary Magdalene who is purported to have turned around from prostitution into sainthood never denied her history.

(Although of course there is a school of thought that says the good lady was maligned by some and was never a scarlet woman at all). Just what is going on here with our musicians? Last year the granddad one claimed to always have been a gospel singer when he signed on to do a gospel show.

People, just be whatever you like to be and do not deign to try and explain yourselves. If your music is good, no one will care what label you come under.

But if it has grown stale and the brand is no longer exciting, then of course you do need some controversy to court attention. So we forgive you because we know that it is hard to compete with young and new faces when you are fading like a black shirt left to lie in the sun.

Back power

Staying with the sisters we are glad to see that there are some wise ones already born.

We are talking about those who get onto their backs for a cause and use the hopefully shared pleasure for their material gain. Siblings down South have coined the name “pantyprenuer” to describe such sisters.

We have our own local version. Remember the woman who had her stuff auctioned off last year as she came down to earth along with her baby daddy who has had so many things go under the hammer? Dude used to be pretty powerful and he used to throw money around like confetti.

He was also known for a mopani worm in his heydays as he spoke about himself in the second person perspective. If you have not figured out who we are clucking about then you do not deserve to be reading this column.

Anyway, there are two sisters who have been engaged in a tiff over a man married to a third woman. The man has been sponsoring the sisters and they are really rising.

We want to applaud the sisters for using what their mamas gave them but please, stop the cat fights already. Even if you are in the same retail business, you are both winners already and anyway this man will never be yours before god and humanity. So be thankful for all the cash that he allegedly stole from his employers so he could fête you.

Last call: Polygamy blues

In honour of the alleged Eritrean law we bring you a joke on the complications of polygamy.

A man has two wives. One day the second wife asks the husband which of them he loves most. The husband replies with, “I love both of you if I didn’t love any one of you how can I be staying with you in the same house.” The first wife joins the discussion urging the man to choose his best mate. Then second wife comes up with a poser: ‘‘Assuming both of us are about to drown and you can only save one of us, who will it be?’’ After some thought the husband turns to the first wife and says, “You know how to swim bae.’’ — www.nairaland.com

Till next week, bottoms up!

  • Facebook: Bra Gee, Email: [email protected], Twitter: @brageesbar
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