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Bra Gee
Leave Pokello alone
Who died and made you the registrar-general of this world so you are now demanding to be informed of all births happening across the globe?

Bra Gee is amazed at some people who seem to be desperately in need of lives. Honestly why should so many be seized with whether one couple has a baby or not? What does it matter if Pokello and her tailor have a baby or not?

Have they asked you to donate to a diaper and formula fund? Instead of doing some work so that you and your immediate relatives can have something to eat at the end of the day you are busy going on social media to poke your noses into something that really has nothing to do with you.

Who died and made you the registrar-general of this world so you are now demanding to be informed of all births happening across the globe? As the Zimdancehall artiste put it across so well: “Tsvagai mabasa”. Maybe if you paid so much attention to your own pathetic lives you might actually start to be worth the chance of existence that you were so graciously granted and are wasting.

My brother’s keeper

Dude is always on and on about how he is living the good life. He flies first class, throws huge parties, drives snazzy wheels and thinks Mercs are for civil servants.

He built a mansion and sleeps with any and every comer including some old enough to be his own mother. Of course haters say that they would like a full investigation into how he made his loot, if it really is his.

But Bra Gee sets no store by such petty observations as at the usual place all we ask for is that a person who has made it be generous. How they got rich is not important.

But anyway, we are not sure what rich big brother is doing keeping all those street kids that hang around him while his own flesh and blood is handcuffed for a measly $5 000. Surely he could have made this whole thing go away.

Ingredients for a roast?

We really have nothing against the self-knighted and self confessed comedian who has assumed the role of the Godfather of Zimbabwean football. As long as he throws money at the beautiful game, we will happily cheer him on.

Of course meanwhile we are keeping an eagle eye on developments because we know that sooner or later the time to play the piper will arrive. Oh yes, Cuthbert taught us a thing or two about those who apparently dip into their pockets to “rescue the game”. But that is not really what we are into today.

The matter at hand is that unfunny would-be comic who seems to be better appreciated by non-Zimbabweans and the media.

Could it be because he is just not funny?

The man is desperate for relevance and shamelessly seeks it any place he can find it.

When the media over exposure did not bring crowds to his shows, he went into the kitchen. But it looks like he has found it to be all heat and no cash so now he wants in on the cash and cars flying around from the chubby knight. Does he think that linking his name to the men of money will make him rich? Dream on, joker.

Maybe you need to figure out why you have more likes on Facebook than paying patrons for your show. Ingredients for a roast?

Fundraising by any other name

If you want to be the toast of the town you have to be prepared to throw around a lot of bread, to modify an old saw.

In plain English, if you are going to host a party, then you need to be prepared to feed and wet a lot of people, some of whom you do not even know and who would not give you their waste bodily fluids to put out a fire consuming your flesh.

That is just the way it is. So please do not waste our time by throwing some themed parties where you expect us to buy our own drinks.

But come to think of it, we should have controlled our own love of things (kuda zvinhu) and asked if anything could come from a party that was dull themed. It really turned out to be a damp squib with the host leading the majority of the guests in illustrating how not to dress for a glamour event.

But to not even give us a glass of water?

Honestly if people are broke and are trying to make ends meet, they should just be honest about it.

We understand that times are tough. (Zvinhu zviri kunetsa munhu wese — except for just a few). We would help a brother out. Now there is talk of a T-shirt party. Seriously?

Serving fans

We are happy to see that our former premier continues to be a man who understands modern gender dynamics. He took time out to relate to women. And not just women, but young women.

That is a true visionary for you. A man who is determined to empower poor marginalised girls. We are sure that he was telling them that he had a dream.

A pipe dream in which he would be President of Zimbabwe and he would make sure that all young women can have control of their bodies. He would jail all the uncouth touts who want to stop our young women from showing what their mamas gave them. Especially if the said young women want to show their African heritage in his proximity.

Maybe that is why he seemed to be addressing himself to the said African heritage rather than to their faces. Too bad that Zimbabweans are such a backward lot.

Even his own party officials rushed to claim that the images were photo-shopped as though they are ashamed of their leader’s gender sensitivity.

Now the rest of the country is making much ado about a true man of the women being at the service of his fans.

Poor guy, after him donating hundreds and thousands of dollars to empower a woman that he met at a South African airport one fateful day.

Last Call: Warning to

dirty old men

Some people never learn. What do they think sweet young girls are after when they hang around ugly old men?:

Q: What’s 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild?

A: A $100 bill! — source-www.jokes4us.com

Till next week, bottoms up!

• Facebook: Bra Gee, Email: [email protected], Twitter: @brageesbar