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THE FALL GUYS . . . Zimbabwe’s Warriors sunk to new depths when they crashed out of the 2015 African Cup of Nations at the preliminary round stage

Charles Mabika?
A is for African Cup of Nations. For the fifth time in a row, the Warriors will not be among the 16 finalists at AFCON 2015 in Equatorial Guinea after they dismally fell apart at the hands of lowly Tanzania last June. For how long will we keep on enduring the bitter pill of disaster and agony as we continually stutter at the door of the continental showpiece? B is for “Big Six” — the country’s all-weather friends of the game, who continued to show their love and faith in the national game — BancABC, Delta Beverages, Mbada Diamonds, Netone, Nyaradzo Funeral Group and TM. Hats off to their unwavering support once again in the just-ended season.

C is for CAPS United, who, in my opinion, should have been awarded the “Fair Play” award for their impartial and gutsy performance on the last day of the Premiership battle when they battled relentlessly to edge ZPC Kariba 3-2 at Gwanzura. This came on a day when some of their hooligan fans had intimidated them to throw the game so that Dynamos would be denied victory. “The Green Machine” also managed to finish in third position on the Premiership standings at the end of the season.

D is for Dynamos. For the fourth year in succession, the nation’s most successful side romped to another league title on a dramatic last day, after they beat How Mine 2-0 and “Makepekepe” also triumphed over ZPC Kariba. ”DeMbare” have now won the top flight crown an unbelievable 21 times in the 52-year existence of the national league. It’s sad that because of financial constraints, they will not be competing on the continental stage to have another crack on the African Champions League.

E is for Excitement. Although short on real quality, the 2014 season provided some form of excitement, especially towards the end of the Premiership race, where a lot of equations, theories and expectations rose to the fore. The six cup competitions — Independence Cup, Bob 90 Super Cup, One Wallet Cup, TM Challenge Cup, Chibuku Super Cup and Gushungo Victory Cup were also full of thrills.

F is for FC Platinum, our representatives in the forthcoming African Confederation Cup. The Midlands giants started the year on a roll under coach Lloyd “Samaita” Mutasa, as they edged Dynamos in the Independence Cup after a penalty shoot-out. After Mutasa left, in came Norman “Muchina Wemajuzi” Mapeza and “Pure Platinum Play” progressed to dizzier heights, as the side displayed some eye-catching patterns of play to warm their way into their followers’ hearts by finishing a credible fourth in the League race.

G is for Goals . . . or should I say lack of Goals? Although there was plenty of competitiveness amongst our clubs, one stark fact continued with its glaring disparity — our strikers were dismal in the entire season! Can you fathom the fact that our two joint top goalscorers scored 12 goals each in a total of 30 league games? Rewind to 1970: 62 goals from the late Peter “Thunderboots” Nyama; 1973: 35 goals from Ernest “Nyamuzihwa” Kamba and in 1986, Moses “Razorman” Chunga belted in 46 goals! Let’s hope that 2015 will be much, much better!

H is for Highlanders. When the black and white “Amahlolanyama” mutated into an extinct dinosaur, our game took a snooze! The Bulawayo giants had one of their worst seasons ever as they finished a disappointing No 5 in the league standings and failed to smash an eight-year jinx stamped upon them by their arch-rivals, Dynamos. The team’s fans will most certainly pray for a better 2015 season.

I is for Idols. And the nation’s 11 idols this season were: Dennis Dauda, Tendai Hove, Limited Chikafa, Stephen Alimenda, Charles Sibanda, Tendai Samanja, Evans Rusike, Kuda Musharu, Themba Ndlovu, David Kutyauripo and Thabani Kamusoko.

J is for Juju. It’s really sad that there are some club officials and their players who still believe in the supernatural prowess of Juju. There were several cases of urine sprinkling on opposing technical members’ benches and even on their faces; ”candle lighting” in the dressing rooms before kick-off and other unbelievable séances in the quest for success! How more abominable can we get?

K is for Knowledge Musona, our heir-apparent to King Peter Ndlovu, who patiently spent almost the whole year in the reserve side of German Bundesliga club, TSG Hoffenheim before striking a deal with top Belgian outfit, KV Oostenden, last week. Well done “Smiling Assassin”. Now go show the rest of Europe and the world what you are made of!

L is for Legends. This year we bade farewell to our own legends, who passed on: Tymon “White Horse” Mabaleka (Highlanders); Max “Shaluza” Tshuma (Zimbabwe Saints); George “Actor” Usayi (Dynamos); Pasanduka “Dhiziri” Pakamisa (Black Rhinos) and Edwin “MaRazor” Chitato (Motor Action). Thanks guys for all the unforgettable and brilliant memories.

M is Cuthbert Malajila, the bustling Warriors forward who was rated as the most influential player in the South African Premiership this year. ”Sipindipindi” has continued with his assists and predatory finishes for Mamelodi Sundowns as his profile continues to grow with profound maturity.

N is for Newcomers. The four Division One regions ushered in some exciting newcomers who qualified for Premiership status after winning their respective titles — Flame Lily (Northern); Tsholotsho (Southern); Whawha (Central) and Buffalo Junior (Eastern). Welcome to the Big Time guys!

O is for Organisation, one of the four key processes for sound management (the others being “Planning”, “Leading” and “Control”). For as long as our football leaders do not operate within these confines, where, once again, the “Organisation” word was found wanting this year, our game will continue to plunge downstream.

P is for Callisto Pasuwa, the history-making coach, who led and collected his fourth successive Premiership crown with Dynamos. Sadly, ”Manabhunu” will no longer be part of the technical bench at the “Glamour Boys” but I’m sure the Blue Army’s loss is the national team’s gain as he continues to resuscitate the doomed fortunes of the Warriors by first moulding a capable Under-23 national side.

Q is for Questions. When will the Asiagate saga be put to rest? How will ZIFA overturn the almost US$6m debt that is there now? When will our Warriors squad be re-grouped? When will the massive fund-raising ventures promised by ZIFA president, Curtbert Dube start? The list is endless.

R is for Relegation. Oh, how sad it was to lose four Premiership sides — Black Rhinos, Bantu Rovers, Chiredzi and Shabanie Mine — to Division One.

I still argue that it’s totally absurd to relegate 25% of the top-flight’s composition every year.

S is for Supporters, the real ones, who are truly, “the owners of the game” who, once again, dug deeper and deeper into their pockets , week in and out, this year, to support their icons and immortalise the game. Without them, the football world would certainly be deflated.

T is for Talent, which is richly abundant in all four corners of the country. Once again, we learnt that “getting them young” is the best way by through the many youth tournaments that showcased bubbling, future stars at many stadiums nationwide.

U is for Unity. “United we stand, divided we fall” is a centuries-old adage but sadly, in this country, the national football leadership seems not to know of its importance. There were numerous cases of “the left hand not knowing what the right is doing”. This needs to be remedied in the coming year.

V is for Violence. This ugly monster once again breathed fire and brimstone at some of our stadiums this season. We will keep reminding some unruly elements within our midst to celebrate after their teams win and also learn to accept defeat with dignity and grace.

W is for World Cup 2018. Now is the time for all stakeholders to start preparing for the world jamboree in Russia. Everything just went quiet after we failed to qualify for Brazil 2014 and we must just pick ourselves up and start hitting the dusty trail.

X is for Mr ‘X’, the next Warriors head coach. Is it going to be Callisto Pasuwa or does ZIFA have a candidate lined up? The people want to know!

Y is for Young Warriors. Oh what a promising start the Under-23 side had in 2014, as we prepare for the African Youth Championships, All Africa Games and Rio Olympics. With players like McCaulay Bonne, Donovan Bernard, Blessing Moyo, Chris Mbanje, Wisdom Mutasa and Walter Musona, the future looks bright indeed.

Z is for ZPC Kariba, the sleek passing outfit who captivated us with a whirlwind debut showing this season but dramatically failed to land the Premiership title on the very last day. But, hey, Saul Chaminuka and your troops, thanks for the roller coaster ride!