2016:Year of the master class

Nothing like a common threat to make former rivals realise that they need to unite

Nothing like a common threat to make former rivals realise that they need to unite

Bar Talk with Bra Gee

The return

Many have been wondering if the much abused liver has finally given up, meaning Bra Gee has gone the way of all flesh and trekked to that great bar in the sky. Yours truly is still very much around and was only taking a breather from the usual place. The greatest drinker is back and raring to go. Grab your glasses and gather around me dear regulars for our weekly dose of observations liberally laced with malice. But we always keep it real.

With Bra Gee not holding up the counter at the usual place, several regulars had also stopped coming. It is not surprising that one of our beloved brewers noted the absence as sales plummeted. See how easy it is to be a powerful person? No need for elections and any official posts.

Year of the master class

A lot of people have been trying to come up with a label for the year. We hear some suggesting that it be the year of questions while others say it is a time to stop being cowardly and tell each other the truth to our faces.

All noble ideas, we are sure. Except for one thing. We all know that the previous year was all about getting educated, right? Surely you don’t think that was enough, do you? One measly year of learning and you already think you are done? Certainly not. Back to school you all go.

Meanwhile just what is it that you did learn in 2015? Bra Gee really cannot say that he has noticed any difference in humanity from his perch at the usual place.

Cowards, liars, braggarts, whores, thieves, drunkards and fools spent 2015 doing exactly what they were doing in 2014 and we expect that 2016 will go exactly the same way. The only thing we all learnt was to see the splint in another’s eye while we ignored the logs in our own. So it is back to class for all of us because dearies, we have only become literate and this year we take things further and actually get erudite.

Therefore Bra Gee hereby formally announces that 2016 is the year of the master class.

To pass at this stage, it is not enough to just throw back what you have learnt. The world has to see some serious brain activity and expects you to hand in your thesis at the beginning of December.

If you have been attending crossover nights for the past few years and are still stuck on the muddy banks of River Hope, then it is time you started thinking about who is really crossing over during that show. Just to help you along Bra Gee would like to call your attention to the distribution of the world’s wealth right now. The richest one percent owns as much as the rest of us combined. In your thesis consider whether it is possible that the whole point of that crossover is to help one individual scale the gap between us and that one percent in the stratosphere.

Parenting hell

We just love activists, especially feminists. They know how to make things hard on those that they do not like and in this case it is the parents. If you have a daughter below the age of 18 my advice to you is to take her for one of the implant thingies and then gift her a whole truckload of condoms in all sizes, colours, shapes and flavours. Because gone are the days when a man impregnated your daughter and thought he had to marry her, if he had been decently raised. Now the law says she can have sex as soon as she likes but cannot get married till she turns 18.

Guess this is the end of lobola. Because said child could just go and live with her lover and as long as you the parent has not accepted his two cents then you are not culpable because you did not marry off the girl. Because you certainly cannot get her back if she has developed a perchance for adult games each night.

Pay up or get out

Bra Gee will never cease to be amazed at the sheer audacity of fellow Zimbabweans. Why on earth do you want to send your kids to some snotty school if you cannot afford the fees?

We really laughed till the tears streamed down our eyes when we read of the parent who was complaining about the school demanding collateral before they would admit kids with balances owing on their fees.

Remember all those people who had their chattels attached and auctioned off because they owed fees at these fancy schools? The situation is simple here. We all want the best for our kids but it has to be the best that we can afford. Gone are the days when you lived on credit so that you could impress the neighbours and the haters. Now you have to cut your coat according to your cloth. The minister has already ordered public schools to introduce hot seating if necessary so that your children can be accommodated. So if the pockets have run dry, do not stress the school. Just pay up or get out.

Gloves, or is it clothes, off!

Convenience makes strange bedfellows indeed. We are surprised at how the rival strippers have suddenly become sisters under the skin following the entry of a hot new babe on the scene.

Those of you who like Bra Gee have the memories of elephants will remember how the dark one dismissed her fellow adult dancer as one possessed by the devil.

But nothing it is a case of any enemy of my enemy being my friend. Will this new wriggler stay the distance or will she soon burn out? After all she really does not seem to have anything much going for her beyond the hype. And it is no secret that the world always loves a new face. Soon enough maybe she will also be joining her erstwhile sisters in bashing new entries onto the scene. The advice of a cynical old drinker is to enjoy your 15 minutes of fame little sister and try to keep them knees locked up tight. We are sure you understand that as soon as your name is linked to some old man, your time will be up.

Last call: Dirty dancing

Q: What does a stripper put behind her ears to make her more attractive?

A: Her ankles. — jokes4us.com

Till next week, bottoms up!

Facebook: Bra Gee,,Email: brageesbar, Twitter: [email protected]

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